The Art Of Dumbspeak

The Pot Calling The Kettle

2012-02-17T12:31:00.001+08:00

Khaw BW was quoted by Channelnewsasia: "The Workers' Party needs to come clean with the people what information have they got about Mr Yaw and in particular, what did they know about him prior to the May election. And if they know, why did they field Mr Yaw. I think it is sad that the voters have been misled by the Workers Party".

Oh for crap's sake.

This is the sort of irrelevant snarky remark that I've never been comfortable with since hello, there's never been much of an Opposition presence for the PAP to make snarky remarks at. Khaw may have commented before knowing of the WP's press statement that the CEC had been clueless up to the point of YSL's disappearing act.

The minister went on to "remind voters to consider a person's character when they go to the polls, adding that there is no difference between a person's personal and professional life once he or she enters politics" -CNA. Very funny. I wonder on what basis I, a voter, am supposed to make a judgment of character? On spurious media reports? Gossip? Lack of exposed skeletons?

The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence of dirt, people. Before the pots start calling the kettle black, perhaps they should give the Straits Times free rein to go after any and all forms of dirt on the ruling party members the same way the ST got all orgasmic over the YSL scandal.

Dirt is dirt, there shouldn't be double standards.

Oh and I would really, really love to hear more about there being no difference between a person's personal and professional life once he or she enters politics.

Do I take it literally to mean personal and private domains are the same, and therefore what he wore to bed last night gets treated with the same relevance as which question he is going to answer in Parliament today?

Or should I accord the minister a little more credit and interpret him to mean that one's private life should be as open to scrutiny and accountability as one's public life? If so, then what's with all the lawsuits and even more curious, why didn't the senior cadre welcome a free-for-all discussion of Tin Peiling's ex-boyfriends and her weakness for Kate Spade, choosing instead to urge people to leave her private life alone?

We can hereby place KBW's comments as Exhibit 213 in the gallery of Foot In Mouth Moments. Perhaps in the near-future with a political landscape not dominated by the PAP, members can finally rest in their rightful place: the museum.

Clever, Clever WP

2012-02-15T18:00:00.003+08:00

Photo from TOC

I am writing this quickly as the news just broke a while ago: the Workers' Party has expelled Hougang Member of Parliament and their ex-comrade, Yaw Shin Leong.

As stunned responses flood social media and office chatter heats up, the probable first question on your mind would be, by-elections in Hougang?

Besides it being a hoot (a by-election so soon after the last General Election), it would be priceless opportunity to put the PAP scorecard under scrutiny, it would pretty much be a great report card on their post-election (2011) performance.

When I commented that this was a brilliant strategic move by the WP, since it forces the PAP's hand, a friend had doubts that it would be a win-win for WP. They may not win a by-election. I disagreed. For these reasons:

First, the mood on the ground (from the blogosphere and online media reports) is Hougang residents don't much care about the adultery "scandal" that has been dogging YSL. It's great gossip fodder for the few who relish in the demise of others, but most people are more concerned about how their MP could and is helping them, and so far, YSL's performance as an MP hasn't been blemished.

Second, Hougang is a pro-WP ward but it was largely LTK that they have allegiance to and YSK was his proxy during the GE 2011. LTK's staunch supporters will see this sacking as a decisive move on LTK's part to remove the rot, and likely have even more "respect" for this bold move. In a possible by-election they would simply vote whomever WP pushes forth as the replacement.

Third, Hougang is a single-seat ward. No matter what, WP can parachute in a replacement easy-peasy, and my guess is they already have one in mind (hint: GG). I doubt the Elections Department can manage a redrawing of boundaries to make Hougang disappear in the next few weeks.

So, no matter what transpires from hereon, my bet is it would be a win-win for the Workers' Party.

And this shows very clearly that a few people in the WP are very, very clever indeed.

*******
Update 16 February & Postscript

Reports in the mainstream press (TNP and ST) have revealed some other interesting news from the WP press conference. According to the party, Yaw had not come forth to dispel or clarify the rumours when invited to by the CEC on multiple occasions. The implication is that the CEC was just as much in the dark as everyone else who had been clamouring for the "truth". In response to the PM's accusation that the WP had "let down the voters of Hougang", LTK rebutted this by claiming the WP had fixed the problem (by sacking Yaw).

As expected, the PM doesn't sound very enthusiastic about the prospect of a by-Election, and I am not surprised (see by 3 reasons above). In addition to the inconvenience of having to rustle up a campaign that wasn't planned for like almost every other election (except maybe Anson) in our post-Independence history, the PAP are probably not feeling at the top of their game at this point. Reasons:

a) The memory of recent screwups is still fresh in the people's minds -- they likely will think about the transportation bungles like taxi fare hikes, SMRT train breakdowns and the incompetencies of its ex-CEO.

b) People are likely still pissed off about the Ministerial Salary Review, the recommendations (by the Ee Committee) which were pushed through hastily in Parliament barely a week before the media leaked the CPIB probe into ex-SCDF and CNB chiefs for alleged misconduct and possible corruption. Anyone with functional use of their left brain could put the two together and conclude that the news could've been embargoed till after the voting on the Minister salaries. Even if it wasn't true, my mind which has now come to be soaked in a conspiracy-theory paradigm, believes it to be plausible. Therefore, trust in the PAP remains low.

c) Social media and online media has exposed a lot of the dominant party's shortcomings by highlighting on a weekly basis, the latest foot-in-mouth moment on someone's Facebook wall, causing a cyber furore that even the mainstream press can't ignore. In short, no PAP chap can sneeze without somebody noticing, examining the snot and announcing its noxiousness online. And there are plenty of other people happy to re-post or retweet it. Add a bad PR management policy to this, and you can understand why the PM is loathe to go down another path of potential face-shaming.

d) The communication strategy of the PAP remains the same: informing the public, recording the feedback and over-focusing on critiques rather than welcoming an open flow of debate. It's not the outcome that matters, you can still do what you want, but how you roll it out matters to how the public perceives you. Plus, people are getting more immune to non-subtle forms of propoganda and sub-texting in the mainstream press. For instance, they don't take too kindly to ST reports that the bottom 20% of the population saw their incomes increase the MOST in 2011 and there being no journalistic examination of what the Statistics Department announced as their hard data. When the numbers contradict social reality, people resolve this cognitive dissonance by rationalising that the government is up to its tricks again.

I think the PAP have been doing the best they can in the wake of GE2011. They addressed many of the issues that were the bugbear of the election last year, like housing. However, they haven't done much on the KPIs that are not so easily identifiable: the political culture of Daddy Knows Best, re-thinking their communication paradigm and being vindictive (attempting to sue for "defamation"). Unfortunately, the policies (good and bad) of the PAP the last 40 years culminated in today's reality that our online and alternative media is probably the most left-leaning and critical of the ruling party in recent history. This means that social media, the most powerful communication tool, is working more against them than for them because of the profile of users and the profile of information purveyors.

Now that the WP have come clean with their audacious and shocking announcement, public perception will lean towards a more positive reading of the WP leadership because they come across as decisive in ensuring the integrity of their party members. This is a very telling contrast to how the government has reacted towards the hoo-ha about the ongoing CPIB and prostitution ring investigations. It's not a fair comparison, I agree, but people are not fair, logical and calm. They are easily-excited and prone to believing ideas because they match their personal biases rather than look for the evidence to disprove the ideas. The trouble with the PAP leadership is they seem to believe (or at least expect) people behave in the first way whenever something unexpected and detrimental to their image happens, and they believe and expect them to behave the second way whenever the time comes for serious policy debate.

Or here's another thought: in 1986 when JBJ lost his Anson seat when he was convicted of falsifying party documents, the PAP left the seat vacant for a total of 22 months until the next General Elections in 1988. Same thing when their own MP of Geylang West died that year. So waiting it out may be the other strategy, but an option that I doubt would work out for the best. For one thing, people have longer memories now and a shorter attention-span and patience for idiocy; it would be very difficult to explain and justify not calling a by-election. For another, it would be silly to let Hougang become absorbed into Aljunied GRC since that would be how the WP will run things if no MP is elected for Hougang.

Nope, I reckon the PM is definitely not having a good week.

Performance Review

2012-02-04T08:48:00.000+08:00

Two weeks ago, I proposed a little something to spice up our married life: a performance review dinner! So instead of just plain old dinner -- a la date night -- we would review each other's performance the past year as spouses and parents.

I know, you were expecting something more romantic like a surprise gift or some activity involving sand and champagne right? Well, that's not how we roll.

Plus, the one who fared worse had to pay for dinner. We hadn't worked out the KPIs, but we agreed to list all the things the other one has done well and 5 areas that needed improvement. Why five? It's easy to criticise endlessly over the smallest things, so we should at least pick the 5 most important ones we want addressed.

And since we agreed that the PRD would be on Thursday, the review period would be from the time Ju was born until Thursday. We both had to write the list down before going to dinner so we had to use some time to think about it. Perfect. 36 hours to do a little gerry-mandering, you know, offer a free massage (no strings attached) and do the dishes to put Daniel in a nicer mood so he doesn't remember the not-so-nice stuff I've done recently.

So when I sat down and thought about my review of Daniel, this was what I came up with:

THINGS YOU DID WELL WHICH I APPRECIATED
1. Taking care of baby like his bath, diaper duty, bottle-feeding and assisted breast-feeding.
2. Taking leave to stay home with me and baby the first month. That was not only a big help, it made me feel good and that I wasn't the only schmuck at the mercy of Ju.
3. Cooking dinner and doing the dishes when I didn't want to.
4. Doing the dishes when I didn't want to (this one counts as a bonus).
5. Sharing the chores like laundry and cleaning the bathrooms which I hate.
6. Being the one to come kiss me after we've had a fight because I won't do it anyway.
7. Washing your feet when you come into the house and not wearing dirty clothes in bed.
8. Being punctual.
9. Not getting angry (most of the time) when I lose my temper or snipe and snap at you.

THINGS YOU CAN IMPROVE ON
1. You rarely offer to massage me and when I force you to, you could put more effort into it.
2. You still complain too much.
3. Don't drive like a moron (sometimes) and stop saying "chao chee bye" and "fuck" when driving.
4. You can eat less candy and cheese so that I can have some too (the cheese, not the candy).
5. Forgetting that I require meals even if you don't (this applies to when you are out at football or working late)

So we both brought our lists (mine was typed) to dinner and we exchanged them. Here was Daniel's list:

So apparantly I got 4 nods: for being a good Mummy; for being cool with Tobi and his parents staying with us (note: Tobi lived with us for half a year, I deserve a medal for that); for not sulking and resorting to emotional blackmail when he goes to football; and for not blowing up like a whale after giving birth to Juju.

Hmmm. I didn't know what to think for a moment. Number 4 had nothing to do with "performance" per se, since I did nothing to lose weight after my pregnancy, it was all preordained in my genes. I thought 3 pluses was a little stingy, given my 9 accolades to Daniel. Now to the minuses:

I rejected number 1 because I had good reasons to lose my temper; number 2, mood swings go under number one; number 4 is ridiculous and we didn't even have to discuss 5 (my identity card now reads "Mrs Vivien Schmidt" under my original name but that is just so I can enter the European Union with Ju without immigration asking me pesky questions about my relationship to him, as if there is any doubt from the way he looks).

So we both agreed that I would work on not stressing out over "small things" and keeping my temper in check, and he would work on my list of things he should improve because they were entirely legitimate of course.

Marriage is really easy if you simply live life the way you did as a single with the exception of sharing a bed and the mortgage. It's much less complicated when you have the resources to subcontract the chores to a low-wage helper, a lot of negotiation and conflict resolution is instantly redundant. But when you've got to make room in your life for a baby who is completely reliant on you for his every need, who develops sleep issues after 7 months of tranquil all-night sleeping, then your relationship is put to a stress-test.

We are lucky in that we get to go on with our work almost as per normal, as our parents have taken over child-caring so that we can do our jobs with the 100% concentration that other parents who need to contend with day-care arrangements probably can't afford. We are also lucky that we had lived together for 3 years before the baby came along so we've worked out our system for getting along with each other (and each of our inherent idiosyncrasies) and getting things done before the ultimate relationship stress test. We are also lucky to each have a sense of humor so that in spite of all other bad habits, we end up smiling somehow. That's really important, humor.

And of course, the final piece, somebody should usually get their way most of the time in order to ensure a healthy relationship. That's why Daniel paid for dinner that night.

Schubert's "Standchen" from Schwanengesang

2012-01-31T15:07:00.000+08:00

n

David Garrett is someone you would consider a "cool" classical violinist, I discovered him while browsing through Youtube for Schubert's "Standchen", my most recent piano obsession. Garrett's mother was an American (he took her maiden name) and father, a German lawyer from Aachen. I like this rendition, but mostly because of the symphony in the background. He got a little too squeaky for me in the later section and this piece is really, for me, too emotive for Garrett's interpretation.

"Standchen" (or Serenade) is the 9th song that Franz Schubert wrote, based on the poem by Ludwig Gellstab. There are a total of 14 songs in the collection, Schwanengesang (or Swan Song) but obviously, Standchen stands out most. It was published in 1829 after Schubert's death. The piano score was transcribed later by Franz Lizst - explains why I had such a hard time locating it.

In terms of progress, I've got the first few bars down, but I really can't get much serious practice in because Ju is usually on my lap when I play and he doesn't really allow me to use both hands effectively while containing his wriggling body and palms pounding on the keyboard.

Here is Valentina Lisitsa's interpretation, it's of course, magical.

Waltz (Valse) Op 64 No.1 by Chopin

2012-01-27T12:06:00.000+08:00

Etude Opus 25 No. 9 (Chopin)

2012-01-27T11:12:00.003+08:00

My absolute Chopin favourite!

It's called the "Butterfly Etude" for obvious reasons, just listen to it. I've tried out the score, but it's technically out of my league. Too many black keys and need Schwarzeneggar's arm muscles packed in your wrist. Lisitsa makes it look like child's play, and the way she plays it is like she's doing the dishes. I love it.

Pathetique - Sonata No. 8 in C Minor (Beethoven)

2012-01-27T09:52:00.000+08:00

The Big Deal About Money

2012-01-17T15:22:00.000+08:00

I'm never going to add anything original to the whole uproar, hoo-ha and national soul-searching and hand-wringing that's going on about the salary of cabinet ministers in Singapore. If you just google it you would be au fait with almost every opinion -- officially sanctioned as well as disputed ones-- out there. Even The Economist jumped in with two or three cents of their own.

I'd like to talk about just two related things. First, what economists discovered about income and happiness (the subjective experience) and second, why the PAP should not waste any more time and resources on the issue of paying people so they would be politicians because the logic it stands on is as sturdy as a deck of cards.

Money is important to our feelings of well-being and happiness, but only to up to a point and there is a number to it. Kahnemann and Deaton have found that while life satisfaction, a judgment about how one's life is going overall, does continue to rise with income, the quality of subjective experience improves until an annual income of about US$75K and then plateaus. They conclude that "high income buys life satisfaction but not happiness [i.e., subjective experiential quality], and that low income is associated both with low life evaluation and low emotional well-being."

Clearly, money does not buy happiness, but having more of it gives you more opportunities to live your life in a way that brings you more satisfaction and less stress. For example, if you didn't have to work two jobs to pay the mortgage, bills and the kids' tuition, you could spend more time with them and having more or closer family ties brings people more happiness. You also get more sleep, which studies have empirically shown, improves your mood and feeling of well-being. If, at 62, you had enough to retire on (read: if your savings haven't been eroded by your over-priced property or you had enough to save at all) you also would have opportunities to do things for personal satisfaction rather than for basic survival.

But on the other hand, if you were already wealthy, earning over that 75K a year, it would take a lot more in real dollars to make you feel any happier with life. Now, hold that thought and bear with me a little bit more.

Now consider how some politicians believe they ought to be compensated. The dubious logic being sold is if one were to take a drastic pay cut (from his last drawn salary) to take on the job of cabinet minister, then that person would see very little incentive to do so and therefore Singapore would have a serious lack of capable, qualified ministers/politicians. Okay, if we indulge this logic, we can easily point to two problems:

1) People are not pure utilitarians (see Chen Show Mao's profile)
2) The assumption that a public service position can be monetized like that of the private sector. (It's like treating a grapefruit like a watermelon and saying the former just has less juice)

It is a mistake is to treat point 1 as an axiom of truth and the PAP did that to their peril. When you assume that all humans make decisions on a cost-benefit-analysis, you dangerously disregard many factors that go into decision making, such as emotions (any Psychology undergraduate or person who reads pop psych can tell you that). Any thinking droid who went to college would tell you that political participation, along with activism and other civil liberties like free speech does not originate from the side of the brain that does calculations at the supermarket cashier.

People participate, serve, volunteer and help because a MORAL imperative tells them to and not because they can buy a holiday home in the Hamptons as a result of that (incidentally the brother of one of our highest office holders owns such a multi-million dollar home along the banks of a river in the southwestern region of Australia and the tour guide that takes people on the river cruise on said river is quite happy to announce this).

So the top cadre is probably spending sleepless nights thinking of ways to make Chen Show Mao disappear (when they aren't wasting brain cells trying to discredit his proposals) so they can salvage the flawed assumption that good, capable people need to be compensated handsomely to serve the nation. But my quarrel is not with the logic of a "clean wage" system. The Workers' Party have brilliantly summed up the problem with the ~~Stoogie~~ Ee Committee's recommendations, and my point, going back to what I said about income and happiness is this:

Any person who earns the kind of money presently made by PAP politicians and ministers far exceeds the US$75,000 barrier where happiness plateaus. Besides this making a case for them being a lot more miserable than previously assumed, we can say that they likely have very little in common with the average Singaporean who makes US$25,309 a year (gasp, the median income in 2010 was S$2710 a month!). Now, the average Singaporean doesn't have to make US$75,000 to be happier, but surely a little more would go a long, long way to improving levels of happiness, in turn health and hence productivity.

So even if you halved the minister's pay, he wouldn't really be much unhappier. He would complain a lot, probably have to divest one of his 10 stock portfolios and order the $50,000 chaise instead of the $80,000 one, but heck, he won't quit. (Even if he did, it's a win-win because you get to sit on a moral high horse declaring the riddance of a materialistic office-holder unfit for public service)

On the other hand, if you paid less attention to getting the sort of people you think are motivated primarily by money and finding ways to increase the wages of the first 40th percentile of the population, you would likely have a lot less problems. But of course, if you think a handful of highly-paid politicians are the only people with the intellect to lift the dismal spirits of half the resident population here, we will have this same conversation in 2016, with one difference: there will be fewer ministers to remunerate.

Weather Woes

2012-01-16T19:56:00.005+08:00

My mother-in-law is going to kill me.

I told her that weather in Singapore is the most angeneim (comfortable) in January and that she and Daniel's Dad should come visit. With February's discomfort levels rated as "high", I wonder how I am going to explain when they get here next week that the angeneimer weather decided to depart early.

I have fond memories -- and Daniel agrees -- of last January being wonderfully cool and breezy oweing to the Northeast monsoon. Every morning, as we sat on the corner of our street having breakfast at approximately 7.15am, the wind would billow relentlessly from the northeastern direction and I would comment, "it's cold!". I was over 5 months pregnant then and trust me, my body temperature had gone up so if I'd said it was cold, it WAS cold.

It's January again and the heat just turned up over the weekend. Suddenly, our trusty monsoon seemed to have headed off in some other direction and I began to sweat just standing in the kitchen. A check on the forecast revealed puzzling results. How on earth could today's maximum be 30 degrees? I was out at lunch time and I was cooking under the sun.

As you can see, there is a northeasternly wind still blowing, it's just less of a monsoon than a hot breath of air.

It looks pretty bad from the 25th on. And the 25 degrees is probably at midnight which doesn't really help two Germans who have to cope full time with an 8-month-old and expected a breezy, winter Singapore.

Today's Lesson

2012-01-16T13:49:00.000+08:00

Translation:

Family (from America): Thanks, Jesus, for this food

Jesus (from Mexico): You're welcome.

Project Baby: 7th Month Milestones

2012-01-09T14:30:00.000+08:00

Prevelly Beach, Western Australia

Ju's seventh month would probably be the most adorable and the most surprising one so far. We went to Perth on Christmas for close to two weeks and in that space of time, he developed object permanence, separation anxiety and an intense temper tantrum if he was stuck in his car seat past his scheduled nap time.

If I could fit all the laughter I've ever had in the past 10 years in a bucket, it would be half as full as the one filled with the moments I've laughed and smiled at Ju in the past fortnight. He is at once astonishing and amazing, silly and loveable. This has really been the best month ever.

Object Permanence

I've been testing Ju's ability to recall the ball or toy as I hide them under a towel or blanket. As expected of most babies under 8 months, he immediately assumed it was gone the moment it vanished from his sight. Last week, he promptly grabbed the towel and tossed it aside. I was jubilant as he did it a second and third time. Just to be sure, I've been testing him every few days. Ju has definitely realisedthe permanence of the hidden object.

Separation Anxiety (or Attachment)

Call it a double-edged sword, but with his discovery of object permanence, Ju also discovered that Mummy and Daddy could disappear and not come back. One day, as we were playing with him on the floor of my Aunt's house in Perth, Daniel got up to leave the room. Ju immediately stopped his play and got upset. He got on all fours and went after his dad. We were stunned for a while as until that moment, Ju couldn't care less if anyone got up and left him alone. We observed him closely and did variations of the Strange Situation experiment (one of us leaving him with the other parent; one of us leaving him alone; one of us leaving him with a relative whom he recognises), on almost all occasions, he would scurry after us in his adorable crawl and whine painfully if we did not come back.

One night, he was so tired after a night out (his bedtime is 8pm and we got back at almost 9) that he refused to let anyone carry him except Daniel. He would wail when I reached for him. I was puzzled, and a little hurt to say the least. I concluded that he might have been associating Dad with play (he refused to be put to bed and threw a tantrum if we tried to) and me with enforced bedtime. On Saturday at a friend's BBQ (cum kindergarten since there must have been 20 kids and babies there, fetuses included) he allowed a friend (whom he has never met) to hold him as Daniel held her 6 month old. But as I approached them and stood next to him, Ju reached his arms out to me and intimated that the time was up. I gladly retrieved him and marvelled at how he's only just begun to discriminate between people in his camp and people who were not.

Ju is definitely developing a profound awareness of the world where none existed before. Psychologists explain the separation anxiety as rooted in his awareness that his primary caregivers are distinct from his Self and could disappear. The exceptions were when Ju was engrossed in a toy and did not notice when one of us left. In addition, he interestingly regards his grandmother as a primary caregiver and may also be securely attached to her. This is because he gladly bid us farewell today in Grandma's arms as we left for work. As for whether he is "securely attached" or not, this remains to be seen at a later stage. I tried the Ainsworth experiment at my friend's house and he did not seem to mind when I left him with her and her 9 month old. It could be (a) he was familiar with the place and so it was not a new or strange situation) and/or (b) he had a whole floor of toys to occupy his attention.

Gross Motor Skills

Ju's physical development is off the charts. He is scooting around on all fours like a pro and on top of that he is getting very adept at pulling himself up on his feet. He tries this with everything: beds, stools, chairs, low tables, knees, walls, legs. It's crucial to keep an eagle eye trained on him when he's on the go as his balance on two feet isn't steady yet. Last week, as he groped the edge of the bed trying to stand up, he topped over on his face. The result was a slightly bloody nose and 15 minutes of pitiable wailing. It happened on Daniel's watch and my bet is he has a better grasp of the heartwrenching guilt I felt when Ju rolled off the bed last month. Ju is likely to take his first step as soon as he can steady himself on his feet, which he is attempting at every chance he gets, every day.

Feeding and Sleeping

Ju has been eating two semi-solid meals a day but I started him on a third because he's been waking up at 4.30am for milk. In Australia, the sun would rise before 5am and it seemed to have an effect on Ju's sleep as well. As a result, he would start his first feed at 5am and end his day before 8pm. He has been having trouble sleeping through since the holiday. We suspected that it could also be linked to his cognitive development as he becomes more attached to the primary figures in his life and perhaps even his memories are solidifying. He didn't require a feed so we just picked him up and soothed him back to sleep, usually in bed with us. It's a terrible habit to foster, I know, but it was the easiest way. Plus, we were on holiday, I reasoned! When we came back, the frequent interruptions ceased, thankfully, but he would wake at 4 to 5am, fussing and eventually yelling in hunger. The third meal didn't have an effect on him last night as he woke again for milk at 4.45am. We failed again to "train" him to stay in his bed as we were exhausted.

The two likely explanations are separation anxiety and hunger or both. Tonight I will try an 11pm feed to see if Ju lasts till 6am. If it does, then we can rule our the anxiety. My hopes are slim. He still needs three naps a day, after each feed, otherwise he gets cranky.

Social development

Ju remains jovial and open to other people. He does not cry or fret when strangers hold him. In fact he got along swimmingly with my cousins and aunt in Perth who were completely taken by his cherubic smiles and throaty laughter. He is still a little wary of babies who are a little rambunctious as his playmates are mostly adults. Still, he warmed up to his 9 month old friend, Dion, who was very eager to swat, poke and grab at Ju. At first, Ju was taken aback as Dion made a beeline (commando-style, Dion doesn't crawl yet) for Ju, arms outstretched. I thought Ju was going to burst into tears at the onslaught. After a while, Ju consented to have Dion hovering around him as he helped himself to Dion's toys. They even had a little chase-around when Dion made off with a favoured toy. It was hilarious. My friend commented that Ju, compared with most other Asian babies she had observed (Japanese and Chinese), was able to play independently without needing attention or coddling from me. Indeed, he is quite indifferent to us if he is allowed space to move and objects to play with, only needing assistance when he's had enough of confinement in his cot or high chair. He finds the littlest things amusing and laughs constantly and easily. He is making new sounds (that sound more like a young child and less like a helpless baby) and the wet razzing is back. All in, Ju is developing perfectly and I couldn't ask for more.


King's Park, Perth

Sleep Paralysis, Again

2011-12-23T11:08:00.000+08:00

"You awake suddenly at night. You try to rise, but feel hands pressing down on your chest, groping for your throat. You try to cry out, but you cannot move or speak. You notice a shadowy figure at the foot of the bed, and hear the steady clomp, clomp, clomp of others climbing the stairs to your room. Your terror grows, but then as suddenly as it began, the pressure releases and the presence in the room fades into nothingness. You can now move, rise from the bed, and try to make sense of what just happened to you. You have just had an episode of sleep paralysis." -- Michael W. Otto, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at Boston University

It's almost exactly what happened to me last week. In the dream or nightmare, I was walking toward my bedroom alone, when I felt an invisible hand gripping my wrist. Terrified, I struggled to get away, but my feet felt like lead. Strangely in my nightmares, I always seem goal-oriented, even when escaping from invisible ghouls and terrifying monsters. I remember that my mind, lucidly clear and determined, was willing me towards the bedroom, struggling against the formless ghost. I tried to yell, but my lungs were choked and my tongue stuck, but still I screamed deep from within my gut as if getting that sound out would release me from my tormentor.

I woke up yelling. Ju lay beside me still sound asleep. Wow. Another one of those. It was quite terrifying, the dream, and I still felt it after waking. The room was far from dark, but Daniel was away in Hong Kong and I had to calm my nerves. It took me more than 10 minutes to get back to sleep. Naturally, I was a bit afraid of a repeat paralysis.

According to Dr Michael Otto, when you dream, you are paralyzed. "In sleep paralysis, however, the normal cycles of your sleep become out of sync: your mind wakes up, but your body is still in a dream state. You are aware of your surroundings, but cannot move and may also experience any number of hallucinations. Most commonly, these hallucinations include sensing the presence of others (including seeing shadowy figures), feeling external pressure on the chest, hearing odd knocking sounds, seeing your body as if from the outside, or experiencing vibrating or tingling sensations. Any single episode of sleep paralysis may include one or more of these hallucinatory symptoms."

I can remember one or two other episodes I've had, and they were terrifying, to say the least, and likely why I still remember them vividly years later. My symptoms are similar to that described above, except in my case, the dream state is blurred with my consciousness of reality. For example, in one episode, I was lying in bed next to my sister in the house we used to live in, my childhood bedroom, even though in reality I lived someplace else. I was paralysed and an extremely infernal buzzing noise (like the television without a signal) was in the background. My mind was aware that I was in a dream-state (I thought to myself: "You're in a dream, try and wake up! Oh help, I can't move!") and spurring me to reach to my left where my mobile phone lay to call my boyfriend for help.

The weirdest thing was, there was a dresser to the left of my bed in reality, where my phone probably lay. But the dream backdrop was the room of my childhood. I was suffocating (the heaviness in the chest) and paralysed but my mind willed my arm to move towards the "phone", my source of help. I wonder if in reality, my arm really was able to move since I seemed to be between two worlds, the dream state and wakefulness.

Apparantly, sleep paralysis occurs more often following sleep disturbances. It makes sense if you consider my recent nightly disruptions due to Ju waking in the middle of the night and requiring us to move him to our bed. Overall, sleep paralysis is normal, and comes with a good scientific explanation. But you can be sure it was utterly terrifying during, and quite bad even after I had woken from it. I would like to know, though, why I seem to experience paralysis within a dream context (my mind is aware it is a dream, yet still experiencing "reality" in a dream world), as if I am straddling two parts of consciousness.

Happiness Revisited: Try Mental Discipline

2011-12-15T16:24:00.338+08:00

I wrote about Dan Gilbert's thoughts on Impact Bias in an earlier post. Today I am revisiting it after I found his thought-provoking and quite insightful lecture on TED.

So if you have watched the 20minute or so lecture, you would pretty much know what it is that makes some people worry, fret, moan and some other people smile, rave and be in a state of seemingly unreal contentment. Gilbert's claim is it's all in your mind, to put it crudely. The Buddha and many other wise people have already said it so I shall not go further into how to be happy.

Instead, my thoughts are on a related question: how should I spend my time in such a way that makes me happy, i.e. what sort of work should I do that puts me in a happy state without having to manufacture synthetic happiness? I ask this because it's the question that bothers most people, not how to banish irreverent negative thoughts and make the "most" out of a bad situation, but how to LIVE life in such a way that you feel no negative feeling state at all and in fact would be happy.

And no, I don't count drugs as the answer. The answer has already been found. I believe it is Mikail Csiksentmihalyi's idea of flow.

Flow is a concept that refers to a state of ecstasy (out of the everyday routine, not the drug-adduced state), of utter and intense concentration that seems like an out-of-body experience. Prof Csiksentmihalyi explains that when we are in a state of such intense concentration, existence is temporarily suspended. It makes sense. Recall when you were so wrapped up in a task that "time just flew" by. Of course time also flies when one is stressed and doing 100 things at the same time, it doesn't mean we're in flow, or in some state of nirvana.

Flow is best experienced when we are doing something that requires a lot of skill and involves a high degree of challenge. Think musician, performer, athlete, even CEOs, all of these categories of people were researched by Prof C's team. All of them described experiences of flow. Now consider the following table:

I borrowed this from Prof C's lecture since it wasn't so hard to replicate with a little Paint and Powerpoint.

I've been trying to get into the yellow area for over a decade. It's the answer to the questions: what is my calling, where do I fit in, what should I do with my life (other than my job which gives me a mediocre mental challenge and sufficient remuneration to sustain my current standard of living)?

At least a half dozen people have discussed this dilemma with me over the past year. The dilemma being the choice between the status quo which gives them little personal life satisfaction and doing something that would be meaningful, rewarding and satisfying. Here's the problem with the second choice: it's iffy.

We tend to glorify the alternative life we could be living, much like how Dan Gilbert describes people who think that they would be happier if they had the freedom to choose among many options. We put it on a pedestal, this more meaningful work we should be doing and like a deity we worship it as the ultimate goal, like nirvana or God. I'm not saying it isn't worth aiming for, this other more meaningful work we ought to all be doing. I'm saying most of us fail to understand its true nature or properties. Hence, we all seem to chase an illusion, because happiness, like this mysterious "calling" which is our place in the sun, is a chimera.

I believe the properties of each of our calling is in Prof Csiksentmihalyi's diagram. Look at each of the 8 feeling states and you could identify yourself in one of them at some time of your day or week or period of life. Most of the day, I find myself at Boredom (low on skill and challenge), so to occupy my mind, I trawl the Internet for mental stimulation -- no not porn -- which leads me to sites like Big Think, TED, New York Times and the like. If you asked me when I last felt like I was being mentally challenged, when I had to use a fair amount of skill, I will tell you without hesitation that it was when I was teaching a class of undergraduates Sociology or Psychology. It wasn't only that I had the opportunity to stretch my intellect, use my knowledge and disseminate ideas in a creative manner, it had also a lot to do with the feedback I was getting from the students and those with whom I was interacting. It was a two-way street and I often felt I was in flow if the class was going well, our discussions were animated and students were challenging me and visibly enjoying or benefiting from my input.

Of course there are moments of Arousal when I have a heavy workload and deadlines to meet, papers to grade, a presentation to prepare. But that's to be expected because my time-management and stress-management skills are being worked! Truth be told, I don't get that a lot now, but I am getting more rewards on a different front. I am mostly in Control segment at work and once in a while, at arousal when I am placed in a new and challenging situation. But it's rarely Flow. And how can I blame the work or the organization that I chose to join? No one should if they had made their choice with wide open eyes.

Now I am going to posit an idea that is more extreme. I believe that to get into the yellow bit, you don't have to go searching the mountain ranges of the Himalayas or quit your job to be a do-gooder (but go ahead if you feel a real passion for it). There is something to be said about being in a state which requires a lot of skill and where you are highly challenged. Technical training. Lots of it.

According to the wise professor, you can't be creative, you cannot change something into something that is better than what it was before, unless you have at least 10 years of technical training. 10 years.

I can immediately think of a dozen people who spent the last ten years doing 10 different things, much less just one. I recall now Amy Chua's much-misunderstood ethos that children need to work, work, work until they're good at something. Only when they're finally good at it will they enjoy it. (I.e. nobody ever enjoys anything until they are good at it, that's why permissive American parents could never raise kids who are musical virtuosos). I now see her point. I can recall the days when I spent hours each day labouring over a painting, barely aware of the pain in my shoulder blades as I hunched over my easel with my pastel-stained fingers. The more I did it, the better my technique became and the more I enjoyed it. It was the same for the piano, in which I received only a short two years of formal training.

Alas, I never took these hobbies further than the short amount of time I used to attain moderate ability and skill. I was never encouraged to continue, (if I had, I would have become more proficient and obviously, would have received more encouragement to persevere) I stumbled on art at the ripe old age of 17, right before I was about to enter University to earn a general degree that would qualify me for....well, general administration. There was no way that I would have or could have taken the thing that could have given me flow to the next level toward success.

A Case For Mental Discipline
So what I am essentially arguing is that in order to do the sort of work that would allow you to achieve flow, one must first put in the mental discipline required to become really good at something. Cos no successful (I am thinking wildly successful people like Buffet, Gates and Patricia Kuhl whose work I talked about recently) person ever got to the pinnacle of their success without working really hard at something until they were really good at it. This not only takes perseverance but a lot of self-belief.

Self-belief, also known as "passion", that cliched term that every career expert or some other person dishing out free advice would tell you about being successful. It makes a sense that to be free of self-doubt or doubters allows you to do the work you love and believe in unhampered. Not everybody who is good at something becomes successful and not every successful person can attribute said success to his own personal merit. The difference, I think, lies in how far you're willing to go with your work, and self-belief goes a long way to fuel that journey. As I said, I felt alive and sometimes in flow when I was teaching, sharing knowledge, interacting with people who wanted to learn. Why didn't I keep on at it, you wonder? Well, a lot of organizations have this evil, uncompassionate feature called bureaucracy. It kills passion, devours the innate goodness and potential of its members and pretty much destroys any possibility of a compromise between getting what you need and doing what you love.

Is it ever too late to go back to that thing that you love to do which allows you to go into the yellow zone and take it to the next level, or even better, make it your life's work? Pragmatic people will say it would cost too much once you are in your 30s, maybe 40s. Not surprising, as how many successful people you know started their technical training at age 35 or 40? Yes, the occasional grandmother graduates with a PhD at age 65, but you can be sure she isn't going to embark on a 20 year career in academia. That sort of thing is more like a wish-fulfilment for people, the goal of education they never achieved in their youth. I am talking about finding what you love and doing it because you're good at it -- financial success notwithstanding -- every day of your life because that is the place where you experience the yellow, the flow. Not the job you're currently doing because it pays well enough.

The Yellow is Right In Front of You
So is it ever too late? Many friends lament to me how they wish they could find their "calling", the job that really made them feel they were doing something meaningful. I believe they genuinely want that. Most are in their early 20s. Some already do things they love and are passionate about, but would face immense personal and social doubt and angst if they were to make that their day job. "Too much risk", is a common refrain.

I sympathise with that. We live in a culture that exhorts entrepreneurship but regards failure as a dirty linen best left in the closet. It is a society that holds up banners congratulating "winners" but does the minimum to cultivate and nurture those who are trying to live their dreams. I think there is a danger in putting up too many goal posts and believing that those goal posts are typical symbols of "success" -- a property, a car, an annual turnover of 100 million. These are the goals that would never put you in the yellow zone, you can drive for hours in your Ferrari, but the furthest you get is the next traffic light.

Byron Katie told someone who was fretting over this question that you can live up to your full potential every day. She does it when she washes the dishes for example. I'm not being facetious here. I took that advice very seriously. I can't say that I felt ecstatic each time I washed a pan or ironed Daniel's shirts but I can say that it helped me understand that you can be good at anything for it to be meaningful, not just the things that society labels as useful or laudable. Mother Teresa, for example, is one of the worst examples of human compassion in the history of mankind, her organization is rife with corruption and inefficacy, but still she has come to be a ubiquitous symbol of compassion and charity. Go figure. The things or people that society at large regard as successes are like the book covers that hide the real contents of the pages. You have to read a long time before you can see for yourself if you had correctly judged it by its cover.

In sum, flow is not happiness, but many find happiness in doing the things that give them flow. I am in the lower end of the yellow whenever I am in the few moments of pure focus and attention on my son, when I lose consciousness of everything as my hands skim the keyboard as if they were being directly commandeered by the score of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, and when I am piecing together multiple ideas into a coherent opinion on this blog. I don't experience this all the time, and I am unafraid to admit I grapple with the "what could I be doing that's more meaningful?" question every day. But understanding the nature of flow has helped me conclude that the only way to live in the yellow is to keep doing the things I am good at without hoping for some magical trophy that reads "success" at the end of my endeavours.

I am going to end with this tremendously funny speech by Sir Ken Robinson because he is just so RIGHT. He talks about some of the stuff I've just gone about, and after you've listened to him, if you haven't gone to search for his 2006 talk, you would sit back and think: that's absolutely right.

Marriage 2.0

2011-12-15T08:40:00.002+08:00

I'm going to talk about marriage and parenting because they've got to do with Population and Fertility, one of my fave topics that rank right up there between Idiotic Politicians and Best Online Fashion Stores.

Enough has been said about why people are not reproducing (1.15 TFR last year, from 2.07 in 1975) which is mostly uninformed (read: unempirical) opinion-making by policy-makers who rely on mostly attitudinal studies by sociologists. Yap explains that the attitude of wanting marriage and children (as revealed in the surveys) stems from a life-course perspective. In other words, at 25 when all of my friends are just graduated and are busy climbing the corporate ladder, the last thing on my mind is family planning; whereas ask a 30 year old that question and peer pressure plus a biological clock might induce a different attitude. Duh. It doesn't tell me anything useful, just that people have different priorities at different ages.

Other researchers are more interested in criticising policies for being too patriarchal and protective of the normative family form. This makes for an edgy Sociology 101 tutorial class, but it makes a very poor assumption that allowing alternative family forms to flourish would get you the desired TFR. Hypothetically, a policy tweak to relax the rules around who can qualify for maternity benefits and tax reliefs isn't magically going to raise the birthrate either, because unlike in the UK or US, women are still made to feel like sluts for being teenaged or unwed mothers here.

The state now ~~know~~ admits that Singaporeans, once married, would go on to have at least 1 to 2 children, and MCYS knows this well enough, as their own slightly inarticulate Minister has put it himself. The state seems to have taken the entire TFR issue and dumped it into a new but no less prosaic marriage campaign. They now blame the problem on people who don't get married soon enough to have that first baby in their twenties or those who don't marry at all. The state's newest scapegoat is the Finicky, Unrealistic Single.

How true is it then that marriage rates have faltered? If you compare trends in the last five years, as opposed as comparing to 1979 when education levels of the general population were lower, you wouldn't see any change that's particularly eyebrow raising. The median age of first time marriages for both males and females didn't get much higher and the general rate of marriage slipped a few points but it doesn't tell you much unless you delve into the details of what sort of people were marrying at what age and if it's their first or second marriage. It's not that fewer people are marrying at such a significant rate, the picture shows that people are simply marrying later.

Source: Department of Statistics

So if people are marrying later, and therefore having fewer children as a result, why has this been happening? According to Yap Mui Teng, the opportunity costs for older women who have likely attained a more comfortable financial position or higher status position is obviously greater. Younger men likewise postpone marriage until they have attained a level of perceived financial capability, so unless a 35 year old man marries a 25 year old woman, chances are he isn't going to get further than two.

The Perception Gap

The problem about asking people why they are not having more children (or any at all) is you're asking them to rationalize something that could very well have nothing to do with reason. In other words, measuring people's perception or attitude towards a decision they mostly haven't yet made is not going to get you any thing more than asking me to guess how many hairs are on your head.

If someone tells you it's "expensive" to have another baby and they "can't afford" it, how much face value are you going to give that statement? The birth rate has very little to do with the cost and benefit of parenting, which has been the premise on which policymakers have relied in their decades-long effort to up those stubborn fertility numbers. Yes, raising a family has to do with dollars and cents, and other more successful states in the Nordic and West European continents have shown that lots of state-sponsored help can raise the TFR, but the desire to raise a family has a lot to do with the perception of relative costs and not real costs.

I am going to argue that how much risk and cost that people perceive having a baby would entail directly correlates with how equal or unequal the society they live in is.

I think this is something worth considering because reason and rationality are only one way in which we come to our decisions. However, we need to acknowledge that rationality is not always so rational, and people's perceptions are relative to many things. One of those things, I believe, is how much their society fosters social trust, solidarity and a sense of fairness amongst its members. The higher the inequality, and trust me, Singapore is right up there, the less trust people have in the system and their state, and I dare to guess, the more likely they are to perceive high personal and economic costs to having children. This is why no amount of money (read Baby Bonus) or benefits would incentivise people who perceive themselves in a state of constant deprivation. They are perpetually comparing themselves with the Joneses next door. But if they see the Joneses, the Smiths and the Wongs down the street as JUST LIKE THEM, then your $6000 starts to look like an incentive rather than a number they would scorn as just not enough. On the other hand, many countries that are more equal than Singapore (check the GINI coefficient or index) are doing a lot better with their population growth.

Reduce Inequality and you Solve Your Birthrate Problem

Richard Wilkinson wrote in The Spirit Level that people in highly unequal societies like the US tend to feel pressure to enhance themselves by inflating their achievements and status. Status matters a lot (sound familiar?), and money matters even more because people use money to show their status.

Wilkinson also found that in more unequal countries, children tend to have higher aspirations — but they’re completely unrealistic aspirations. They all want to be sports stars or celebrities or directors of large companies: the only thing that matters is being rich. In more equal societies, it may still be acceptable to be a skilled craftsman without being regarded as a loser. The culture shifts with inequality.

So what the MCYS should be examining isn't ways to get people to marry earlier because it isn't at all about choosy individuals and unrealistic ideals that is causing the problem of late marriages. The state needs to recognize that inequality affects us and our personal relationships intimately, making people increasingly neurotic about how they are seen, judged and valued by others. Status conscious people have expectations of themselves as parents in a whole different league than people who don't care about which school their cousin's child is in, or how much money their neighbour's kid is making as a banker. This feeds into their perception of relative deprivation if they were to marry earlier (before they get 3 promotions) or have that second child (and risk discrimination or further career advancement).

Donald Low wrote in his blog and which was published in the Straitjacket Times yesterday that high social inequality could have serious repercussions for Singapore and advocated more inclusive, universal programmes to help those who aren't experiencing any social mobility. I believe that it the government takes his advice and starts shaping up and stop being so stingy with its redistribution, the snowball effect would be felt in our birth rate.

Am I saying that a universal welfare system would push up birthrates? Yes and no. A better system of redistributive justice is the DNA of social trust and social solidarity. When people feel more secure about their lives, when they genuinely feel that they have an equal chance of getting to where they aspire to be, they would feel less status conscious because they would see themselves as LIKE MOST OTHER SINGAPOREANS and not belonging to some sandwiched, marginalised lower-middle class. This is one of the things that define more egalitarian societies like Sweden and Finland. Only when you get this sort of balance in your society would people feel that the relative benefit of having children outweighs the cost of it. Only then will people appreciate the money you give them to have a second or third child.

After all, rationality is sometimes misguided and perceptions are relative. Fix the inequality, and the population fixes itself.

How Babies Learn Language

2011-12-11T12:19:00.001+08:00

I watched this TED talk by Patricia Kuhl about a year ago, or sometime while I was pregnant with Ju. I remember being fascinated by what development psychologists were discovering about babies and how they learn language, particularly foreign languages. Dr Kuhl gave a more in-depth lecture at the University of Washington, available for view on Youtube, but the TED talk summarises her research findings in a short couple of minutes.

The Golden Window

In a nutshell, the facts are pretty indisputable: babies are able to discern all the sounds of all languages in the word up till a certain age -- 10-12 months. Kuhl posits that between 8 and 10 months, all babies begin to take rapid statistics of adults' speech and these statistics are then used in later stages for their speech development. But get this, after 10 to 12 months of age, babies' ability to detect other languages other than the one they are most exposed to (the mother or native tongue) drops significantly.

The science is simple: after the 8 to 10 month window when babies are rapidly taking statistics of the sounds they hear in adults' speech, the ones who are NOT exposed to more than one language start to tune out the foreign language sounds in order to focus on the native language sounds. Kuhl experimented with American babies at age 7-8 months, testing their ability to discern Chinese language sounds. All the babies could do so. Then, one set of babies were exposed to 12 sessions of 35 minutes of Chinese (over 12 weeks) during the critical window and another group (the control group) were not. The babies that were not exposed to any Chinese lost their ability to discern the Chinese sounds but the exposed group of babies were able to discern the sounds!

Kuhl argues that as native language acquisition begins at the 7 to 10 month stage (where babies start to actively take speech statistics), foreign language acquisition declines because all the babies are hearing are one language, their native tongue, unless of course, they are being raised bilingual or multilingual. This also explains why adults have a horrible time picking up foreign languages, particularly after their teens. The OPTIMAL age span for learning language is from age 0 to 7. After that it decreases slightly and then dips at purberty. After that, it's just downhill.

Putting Science To Practice

I have always been a fan of science and experimentation. In fact, I've been testing Ju for a couple of weeks on his object permanence cognition. (Still negative, if you're wondering) Anyway, Dr Kuhl's research really stoked my excitement about language learning and how I can possibly help Ju in our multilingual project. To refresh your memory, here's the map of Ju's linguistic inputs. I've added in what I consider an assessment of the degree of exposure: High Exposure is where he hears the language passively as well as actively spoken to him on a daily basis. Medium High refers to daily exposure at a somewhat lesser degree, maybe 1 to 3 hours.

Ju has had this type and degree of exposure since birth. If the research is valid, then this is the crucial period where Ju is taking statistics, absorbing German, Chinese and English. Dr Kuhl explains that it is through "motherese" (the universal way that people speak to their kids, in a high pitch, repetitive way) that the babies are able to take their statistics. When we speak "motherese", our speech becomes slower, vowel sounds are extended ("Hiiiii Babyyyy!" instead of "Hi Baby!") and as a result, we produce better acoustics, our articulation of words and sentences is clearer, and hence these form the “little nuggets” that map your baby's brain as he absorbs the sounds.

Newsflash for those who think popping in a DVD with Chinese songs in bright, fun animation is going to help your child pick up Chinese. The study also measured the effect of audio and audio/visual input on the babies. Result? No result. The babies who heard or watched a videorecording of the very same Chinese lessons given to the "exposed" group had no significant improvement in their ability to discern Chinese sounds.

Learning is SOCIAL, i.e. the social part of our brains are responsible for language acquisition. Not surprising, since it was during constant exposure to my in-laws or other people while I was in Germany that my German improved at the most tremendous rate. They don't recommend "immersion" for nothing.
So don't be lazy and take heart! Every child can learn multiple languages and the best way to do it is through interaction. Throw away the DVDs and shut off the television and computer. Your child is like a piggy-bank with a supercomputer, the more you speak, read and expose him/her to languages, the more likely that one fine day the supercomputer will start churning out the very things you hoped to hear.

We Have Teeth!

2011-12-06T14:26:00.001+08:00

Ju's first front incisors are out!

Last week Daniel's finger got a good chomp down and when we pried open his mouth we saw a pearly little white just barely showing below the lower gum. It was rather sore looking and explained all the moaning he's been doing in the middle of the night.

Saturday we checked again and lo and behold! Two little babies peeking out from the gums. TWO.

My parents are amazed. A few of my friends' kids who are slightly older than Ju haven't started teething yet. We gave Ju his first toothbrush to play around with and he ended up with a waterfall of drool down his chin. Pigeon has a nice range, we bought the 3-in-one, with the beginner's brush for 2-3 teeth and two more for the next stages.

Poor Ju, meanwhile, is still waking in the night. It's likely from his growth hormones pushing the baby teeth out. He's not had any other symptoms besides waking in the night (we have to coax him back to sleep) but that means we have interrupted sleep as well. Ironic that it the sleep issues only came because of his teething. We'll have to adjust to his night interruptions in the meantime and hope the poor chap gets over the pain soon and get back to sleeping through.

Hanyu Pinyin Part II

2011-12-02T22:04:00.000+08:00

This post deals with pronunciation. If you want to know how to pronounce all the possible words in the language, this post is for you. While figuring out which initials go with which finals, I found myself instinctively, if you like, knowing which initials to pick. How? Technically I am supposed to have learnt 2000-3000 words throughout my education, but knowing full well I'm probably left with half of that, I used my trusty pinyin writer to be sure. If you can get used to how the initials and finals (consonants and vowels) are pronounced, you would be able to correctly pronounce any Chinese word that comes with pinyin.

All you need to know is how to pronounce the consonents (initials) and vowels (finals) in the Chinese language. Initials (声母) are like consonants and finals (韵母) are like vowels. But there are compound finals (复韵母) where a "medial" is paired with the final, such as:

Initial    Final
m            a       = ma 马

m            ai      = mai 买

For this post, I will dispense with medials, you don't need to care. Just think of everything as either a simple or complex final. We start with initials, with many of them having no equivalents in English. Consider this complete set:

b p m f d t n l g k h j q x zh ch sh r z c s w y

b as in bai = purse your lips and let the sound out as if you are making a bubble. This "b" is not pronounced as in English "bat" as that would be a hard "b"

p, m, f = exactly as you would pronounce them in English "pen", "men" and "fish"
d as in dai = again unaspirated t as in stop, let out the sound without saying it as in "dog"

t, n, l = exactly as you would pronounce in English "ten", "nine", "love"

g as in gong = unaspirated k, as in skill, and not as in girl

k, h = exactly as in English "kite" and "house"

j as in jie = no English equivalent; in the English "j" (as in Joe), your lips are rounded, instead you make a smile with jaws clamped in the Chinese "j"

q as in qi = No equivalent in English. Like cheek, with the lips spread wide with ee. Curl the tip of the tongue downwards to stick it at the back of the teeth and strongly aspirate. Note that "qü " would sound more like the English "ch"

x as in xi = No equivalent in English. Like she, with the lips spread and the tip of your tongue curled downwards and stuck to the back of teeth when you say ee.

zh as in zhi = No equivalent, like the "j" in joke except unaspirated

ch and sh = exactly as in English "chair" and "share"

r and s = exactly as in English "rat" and "sit"

z as in zi = No equivalent, similar to suds in a toneless syllable

c as in ci = No equivalent, similar to the German "z" as in "zwei"

w and y = exactly as in English "water" and "you"

The only syllable-final consonants in Standard Chinese are -n and -ng, and -r, which is attached as a grammatical suffix.

nan 男
neng 能
er 二

Here come the finals (vowels). Vowels or "finals" are pretty easy, with the exception of the ü sound which does not exist in the English language. The thing about finals is when you stick a "y" or "w" in front, they sound different, we could call them exceptions if you like. Here's what I mean:

i as in ci, ri, zi, zhi, shi, chi, si = No equivalent, similar to the German "oe" except your mouth is not so open
Exception: yi is pronounced "yee"

a = just like "father" (paired with the initials b p m f d t n l g k h zh ch sh r z c s w y)

e = just like the French and German "e" except stretched, like "duh" (paired with the initials d t n l g k h zh ch sh r z c s)
Exception: ye is pronounced "yeh"

ai = like the English "eye" (paired with b p m d t n l g k h zh ch sh z c s w)

ei as in hei = like the English "hey" (paired with b p m f d n l g h z w)

ao as in bao = like "cow" (paired with b p m d t n l g k h zh ch sh r z c s y)

ou = like "mow" (paired with b p m f d t n l g k h j zh ch sh r z s y)

an as in nan = like "nun" except the vowel a is stretched (paired with b p m f d t n l g k h j zh ch sh r z s)
Exception: yan is pronounced like the English "tan"

en = like "taken" (paired with b p m f n g k h zh ch sh r z c s w)

ang = like the German "angst" (paired with b p m f d t n l g k h zh ch sh r z c s w y)

eng as in peng  = like "ung" (paired with b p m f d t n l g k h j q x zh ch sh r z c s w)

er = on its own, not paired with any initials

ia as in jia, qia and xia = like the English "yeah"

ie as in bie = like the English "yeh" (paired with b p m d t n l j q x)

iao as in biao = like the English "meow" (paired with b p m d t n l j q x)

iu as in jiu = like the English "ewe" (paired with m d n l j q x)

ian as in bian = like the English "yen" (paired with b p m d t n l j q x)

in as in bin = like "been" (paired with b p m n l j q x y)

iang as in liang = i + ang (paired with n l j q x)

ing as in bing = i + ng (paired with b p m d t n l j q x y)

u as in bu = like "boo" (paired with b p m f d t n l g k h zh ch sh r z c s w)

ua as in gua = u + a (paired with g k h zh ch sh)

uo as in tuo = u + o (paired with d t n l g k h zh ch sh r z c s)

o as in bo = like above, except shorter (paired with b p m f)

uai as in kuai = u + ai (paired with g k h sh)

ui as in kui = u + ei (paired with d t g k h zh ch sh r z c)

uan as in duan = u + an (paired with d t n l g k h zh ch sh r z c s)

un as in cun = like "oon" (paired with d t n l g k h zh ch sh r z c)

uang as in huang = u + ang (paired with g k h zh ch sh)

ong as in hong = ou + ng (paired with d t n l g k h zh ch r z c s y)

ü as in yü = like the German "über" or French "lune"(paired with j q x and y)

ue (or üe) = ü + eh (paired with j q x and y)

uan as in yuan = ü + an like English "an" (paired with j q x y)

un as in yun = ü + n (paired with j q x y)

iong as in xiong = ee + ou + ng (paired with q and x)

***************

If you're not already turned off by all those consonants and vowels, you're on your way on to a great journey! I love the language, yes, I do, in spite of all those years of torture and exams. It's a beautiful, deep and subtle language that should never be ruined by stupid exams and dull teaching methods. But no matter how I resented the way we had to learn it, I am at least grateful for what it gave me in the end.

Wait till you get to China.

Hanyu Pinyin Part 1

2011-12-02T21:40:00.001+08:00

Disclaimer: I am not a Chinese language teacher, the following is a result of research available online coupled with my understanding of Chinese as a native speaker. I am seeking to simplify the understanding of pinyin as much as I can, while still doing justice to it of course. Part 1 deals only with tones.

Hanyu Pinyin is the official system to transcribe Chinese characters into the Roman alphabet used in China, Singapore, Malaysia and Taiwan.

The pinyin system uses diacritics to mark the four tones of Mandarin. The diacritic is placed over the letter that represents the syllable nucleus, and yes, there is a rule for which is the syllable nucleus (more below).

TONES

Mandarin is tonal, so if you're tone-deaf, it's going to be a little more challenging. The good news is there are only four plus one neutral tones, so even the worst singer could be understood by a native-speaker if he practised really hard. When I am asked to teach a Westerner or non-Chinese person some Mandarin, I start with a simple sound test: I ask them to repeat after me:

妈麻马骂 (mā, má, mǎ, mà)

This never fails to get a chuckle and the student enthusiastically repeats after me with admirable accuracy. But start to test them on each individual tone and they begin to see why Chinese is arguably the most difficult language to master. Daniel himself has problems with the 3rd tone and telling the difference between the 2nd and 4th tones. But in his defence, Daniel is a terrible singer.

1) The first tone (Flat or High Level Tone) is represented by a macron (ˉ) added to the pinyin vowel:

ā ē ī ō ū ǖ as in 妈 (mā) = mother

2) The second tone (Rising or High-Rising Tone) is denoted by an acute accent (ˊ):

á é í ó ú ǘ as in 麻 (má) = as in 麻烦 inconvenient

3) The third tone (Falling-Rising or Low Tone) is marked by a caron/háček (ˇ).
ǎ ě ǐ ǒ ǔ ǚ as in 马 (mǎ) = horse

4) The fourth tone (Falling or High-Falling Tone) is represented by a grave accent (ˋ):

à è ì ò ù ǜ as in 骂 (mà) = to scold

5) The fifth tone (Neutral Tone) is represented by a normal vowel without any accent mark:

a e i o u ü as in 吗 (ma) = question particle

Before the advent of computers, many typewriter fonts did not contain vowels with macron or caron diacritics. Tones were thus represented by placing a tone number at the end of individual syllables. For example, mà can be written as ma4.

SYLLABLE NUCLEUS
This is for all those pedantic writers out there. How do you know which vowel (yes, it's always a vowel) to place the diacritic on? My Chinese teacher in primary school taught us a ditty to identify the nucleus which I remember to this day:

"有 a 不放过

无 a 找 o, e

i, u 并列标在后

单个韵母不用说"

Never let go of the a

in the absence of a, look for o, e

If i and u stand side by side, place it on the one behind

A single final (vowel) goes without question

If you can memorize this, it will serve you in good stead with everything.

Writing Lesson 2: Eat and Know Your Vegetables

2011-12-02T11:54:00.001+08:00

I went in search of some of those vegetables and fruit I never knew how to say in Chinese (duh, because my Dad either doesn't cook these stuff or I never heard him terming them ever). I have affixed the pinyin for easy pronunciation, the number refers to the tone. If you don't know which tone goes which which number, google it, or see Wikipedia.

Again, notice that each noun is made up of usually two characters. 瓜 (gua1) is a common character suffix, meaning "melon" and 菜 (cai4) on its own means "vegetable". In the course of researching this post, I realised something astounding: many of the terms we use on vegetables here don't exist in "proper" Chinese! For example, you will get a funny look if you asked for a 番茄 or a 黄梨 in China. Another discovery is we've been getting a famously Singaporean drink wrong, if you asked for 玉米水 in China expecting to get a barley drink, people would think you're asking for a corn or oat drink! (which sounds gross)

芹菜 - celery
qin2  cai4

花菜 - cauliflower (translated as "flower vegetable")
hua1 cai4

西兰花 - broccoli (translated as "western orchid flower"!)

菠菜 - spinach
bo1 cai4

大葱 - onion (or Chinese leek, the Western round onion is known as 葱头)
da4 cong1

西红柿 or 番茄 - tomato
xi1 hong2 shi4             fan1 qie2    (nobody calls it 西红柿, the local preference is 番茄)

芋 - yam
yu 4          (I am used to saying 芋头, as in 芋头糕, yam cake, but it doesn't exist in the dictionary)

番薯 - sweet potato (funny, this also refers to "yam" in the dictionary)
fan1 shu3

玉米 - corn
yu4 mi3 (strange! Our entire nation has been calling our local barley drink 玉米水 when    the correct word for barley ought to be 麦 !)

麦 - wheat, barley, oat or maize
mai4        (Oatmeal is also known as 麦片 mai4 pian4)

南瓜 - pumpkin (funny that a pumpkin is known as a "melon from the south")
nan2 gua1

西瓜 - watermelon (translated as "melon from the west")
xi1 gua1

冬瓜 - Chinese squash/ winter melon
dong1 gua1      (this sounds like 东 = east, so you might have thought, aha! Melon from the east! But 冬 is "winter", and probably explains why locals here call it a "winter melon" rather than a white gourd/ squash)

木瓜 - papaya (don't ask me why a papaya is known as "wooden melon"!)
mu4 gua1

黄瓜 - cucumber
huang1 gua1    (again, I don't know why a cucumber should be translated as "yellow melon")

菠萝 - pineapple
bo1 luo2    (this is the proper word in China, but locals here call it 黄梨 ("yellow pear"!)

哈蜜瓜 - honeydew melon
ha1 mi4   gua1

芦笋 - asparagus
lu2 sun3 (there are two kinds of asparagus, the Chinese ones and the ones you find in the West)

蘑菇 - mushroom (refers to the western button mushroom)
mo2 gu1

冬菇 - mushroom
dong1 gu1 type of shiitake mushroom that comes in dried form. It's translated as "winter mushroom" and more commonly used in Chinese cooking

香菇 - shiitake mushroom (translated as "fragrant mushroom")
xiang1 gu1

四季豆 - green bean or french bean
si4 ji4 dou4 (aka "four season bean", again, a stumper if you used it in Singapore

大蒜 - garlic
da4 suan4 (to ask for crushed garlic, a local favourite with a Haninanese chicken rice dish, say 蒜茸 suan4 rong2)

柠檬 - lemon
ning2 meng2   (I've been saying it wrong all these years! It's not "ling meng"!)

柿子椒 - bell pepper/ capsicum

shi4 zi jiao1 (another stumper, I don't know if anyone would get this one here, but the green pepper is called 青椒 qing1 jiao1)

辣椒 - chili
la4 jiao1        (so it should be no surpriose that a chili is called a "spicy pepper")

鳄梨 - avocado
er1 li2 (this is the winner - translates to "alligator pear"!)

Bilingualism: Pipe Dream or Achievable Myth?

2011-11-28T17:47:00.194+08:00

I speak English, Mandarin, German, Singlish and Gibberish.

Our former PM and Great Leader Extraordinaire has embarked on his latest project to safeguard Singapore's economic future (among other unnamed policy goals). By the way, if you think the Propoganda Times' website sucks, you are right. Without commenting on or critiquing his latest book (until I've had a chance to read it), this post is my take on bilingualism the way Lee thinks of it, the way policy-makers are trying to make of it, and the way I am doing it.

Singapore's Bilingual Policy - In A Nutshell

Having had a brief stint after graduation as a research assistant for a local Singaporean related to Goh Keng Swee, I had the chance to do some research on Goh's bilingual policy which he had peddled as Education Minister. The take-home from this experiment was not that it was great for Singapore's economic development, its human resource and all that stuff you would expect to hear from foreigners keen to upkeep their good PR campaign here. The thing to note is how Mandarin was completely removed from the psyche and cultural identity of the local Chinese populations which were a patchwork of immigrants who hailed from disparate Southern Chinese regions. This is why the policy got such vociferous resistance from the masses as it entailed the wipe-out of all dialects -- Hokkien, Cantonese, Hainanese, Hakka, Teochew etc -- from the mass media. Chinese-medium schools were also phased out, but this concerns other goals of the state.

Since then, we've come a long way, and just like the wildly unpopular population-control policies of the past, the bilingual policy has altered our education system dramatically and in an unintended consequence, our national culture. Lee's lament is that Chinese people no longer speak Chinese the way they "should" - perhaps like the natives? I would dispute this, because we were never a nation of indigenous Mandarin speakers, Pu Tong Hua was forcibly named the "Mother Tongue" of the Chinese although my maternal and paternal grandparents never spoke a word if it in their lives. Therefore, it is a misnomer to say that the mother tongue of the Singaporean Chinese people is Mandarin. In fact it's a gross misrepresentation of our true ethnic heritage. We never spoke Mandarin like the Chinese (in China) and we never will as a nation. At the very best, we will speak a Singaporean creole -- Singaporean Mandarin, if you will -- and we would never be at a level where our proficiency equals the Chinese in China. I'll tell you why next.

Bilingual Education: In and Out of School

I've written elsewhere in this blog why Singaporeans find it so difficult to be effectively bilingual here. Without going into a diatribe, I would just reiterate that our formal education system plus the social environment combine together to defeat every effort (if there is much of it) of the people to grow up bilingual. It's like living in the US only with fewer TV channels.

I use the phrase "grow up" and not "learn" because bilingualism isn't something you can consciously teach a child to be. They either are or they aren't and it all rests on NEED. Sociolinguists have mostly agreed that a child uses a language as much as he or she needs it to function in daily life, i.e. get what they want. And in the life of a young child or toddler just acquiring language, you provide a world in which he grows up surrounded by the very tools you want him to use. There is no point pumping him full of Chinese cartoons and videos and hours of Chinese playgroup or drama class from birth till 6 years old, and then at 7 when he goes to Primary School he realises that he only has 1 hour of Chinese class a day. Worse, all his friends speak English, all the teachers and the scary Principal too, and everything from Math to Music is in English. It's defeatist.

It's also dumb to "expose" a child to Chinese like you would plants to sunlight hoping they would soak it up and miraculously file away the language in their hard drives for future reference when all the time, his main caregivers converse with him in English. Policymakers should wake up to reality and make a call once and for all: treat Chinese like a foreign language and teach it like one (meaning abandon the whole bilingual pipe dream); or go the whole hog and overhaul the education system (too difficult and risky to other policy goals). How to do the second? Bring back Chinese-language schools (in the States they have immersion schools) or start teaching non-science and non-math subjects in Chinese (manpower crunch, no talent). You need to do all that instead of just imploring and haranguing parents to "speak Mandarin" to their kids. How am I supposed to have a conversation with my kid in Mandarin about the science experiment he did in school or the computer lab project he's doing? Ridiculous.

My Way or The Highway

I take a leaf out of my own upbringing as well as research I've done and stories from other parents (in other monolingual countries) raising their kids bilingual or multilingual.

1. Make your child need it

2. Make it normal

3. Make it fun

The first two I am already doing, but the third I don't know since Chinese language learning has never been very fun for me. At home, I speak exclusively in Mandarin to Ju and I've even armed myself with a big-ass dictionary for the words I don't have a translation for -- like dolphin and whale! In fact it has become so normal for me to speak to him in Mandarin that last weekend, at a party with several non-Chinese speakers present, I continued to speak to Ju in Mandarin. It felt weird to switch to English with him. Where there's a will, I daresay there is an effective way to get what you want. I can't say it was easy from the get-go, it took getting used to, but after 6 months, I can happy to say it comes almost naturally to speak in Mandarin to Ju.

Ju, in turn, loves hearing Chinese rhymes. In fact, when he gets cranky and gripey at any time, all I have to do is break out my Xiao Qing Wa ditty which never fails to get a grin and giggle from him. I even made up my own rhyme in Chinese last week to placate him on a long car ride:

小胖胖，肥都都，他的名字叫 Juju！
妈妈疼，爸爸爱，宝宝长得大又快！

Daniel has less trouble speaking to Ju in German since it's really his mother tongue, unlike my Chinese which is some half-baked remnant of an unhappy 12-year syllabus. Daniel chatters on quite naturally in German to Ju and reads regularly from our German storybooks, unfortunately, Ju prefers songs, rhymes and ditties while being jostled on our laps. Oh well, it's a matter of time. Meanwhile, Ju will get an upsized dosage of German when his grandparents arrive from Germany in January.

So in the end assessment, is it a pipe dream? Will Ju achieve multilingual fluency and literacy?

As much as I like to criticise our policymakers and the social environment, I have to live within this milieu and bring my son up within these parameters. I am heartened that there is renewed interest and funding devoted to improving bilingual education. Yet I feel like I am wading into a strong current of resistance and obstacles that I alone am inadequate to surmount.

Some experts say, and I agree, that it is a myth to be fully and equally competent in both or all languages. Language is a living tool, and is shaped by (and shapes also) culture. If my son is to be a competent multilingual, it is my responsibility to give him the opportunities and environment to hone and sharpen his tools. This may entail uprooting and leaving Singapore at some point, hopefully, not until he is older.

Toys for Boys (and a review)

2011-11-26T08:56:00.001+08:00

So this week I've been wrapping my head around toys for Ju. His entire world revolves around the articles he can reach for in his line of vision, moving objects and blinking lights. I believe he's at the stage where he's exploring shapes, textures and maybe which objects feel best against his gums. I like HABA from Germany but it's frigging expensive to buy them from retailers here, so I checked online and Amazon.de stocks a great variety, of course with free delivery within Germany.

But there's also a pretty good online retailer, Cozyiotoys, that stocks a range from Haba -- called Educo -- and delivers free within Singapore if you buy $100 worth. You might be tempted by the Japanese range, they look so enticing, but the quality is inferior to Educo. My friend who has a 15-month-old has tested them out. The prices are comparable to Amazon after you do the Euro-to-SGD conversion and free delivery does it for me. They aren't cheap though, but at least you know you aren't paying for a retailer's Orchard Road shop-rental.

Educo Pull-Along Mini-Block Cart $24

Early Melodies Tambourine $28

Educo 50pc Maple Block Set $32

Happy Hour Clock $25

(I bought this one to make up a hundred dollars for the free delivery)

I bought the items above specifically for Ju's coming stages of development. They are great for fine motor skills and for teaching him colours, shapes and numbers. When he starts to walk (which I reckon might be soon), he can pull the wagon along. Cozyio doesn't stock the Haba range and I wanted a boy-doll for Ju. Haba has a great boy-doll (and other girl dolls), Lukas, which I will order from Amazon.de:

Haba's Lukas doll (comes with his rat)

The reason I'm going for a doll -- and I've of course ~~lectured~~ discussed it with Daniel -- is so that Ju gets to role-play all the "good" qualities a boy should display such as being caring (no punching or throwing Lukas), being generous (share your toys with Lukas), being responsible (Lukas can't sleep on the floor so pick him up and put him in his spot) and being potty-trained (Lukas doesn't wear diapers, does he?).

The age-appropriateness of a doll would be between 12 and 18 months but it's never too early to start moral education, in my opinion. Ju will meet Lukas before his first birthday. At this moment, Ju likes rattles, clappers and chew toys -- anything that fits in his small hands and makes a delightful noise when shaken. We also let him play with the soft dice (from Haba, a gift from our friends) and teach him the colours when he grabs at them. He seems to get ball-throwing too, though he tosses the ball out of his hands without the ability to direct his action. We just pick it up and throw or roll it back towards him, which he anticipates. He can keep up this repetitive game for 5 to 10 minutes.

However, he still doesn't get gravity -- my attempts to build a tower of soft dice gets little interest from him. He simple swipes at the dice, dismantling the tower, but is completely oblivious to the concept of objects falling from a height. I will keep it up until he gets it.

POSTSCRIPT (1 December):

The order arrived last night! It was hand-delivered and I can say I was very satisfied with the condition and the quality of the toys. Tobi smelt the blocks and declared it smelled like "good paint" instead of some toys which have a funny smell. They were made in China of course, but what isn't these days? They passed quality control I guess. Now to see how long they last. This might take a while....

Project Baby: 6 Months Old

2011-11-24T15:51:00.003+08:00

Ju is a full 6 months old and tipped the scales at just over 10 kilograms. At 75.7 centimetres, he certainly got taller. The two jabs and Rotavirus vaccine went down well (just a bit of yelling which stopped after Daniel gave him the bottle) and didn't cause serious side effects. The only effect it seemed to have was to make Ju really cranky and thirsty for a day or two.

Diet & Digestion

The pediatrician announced that Ju was ready for solids -- rice cereal to start with. I didn't tell her that Ju has been wolfing down rice cereal and jars of baby food for the past 2 months! I made my first batch of mashed carrots for him and decided it's too much effort for a serving of orange mush. It's Heinz for him till the weekend when I have time to steam and blend. His poo is now a mushy dark green with the holiest stink, sometimes its got the consistency of plasticine and on two days it got rather hard, making him cry a little when pushing. But we've been giving him lots of water and the stool softened. He's back to his normal daily bowel movement. He loves sucking on a piece of apple but we stopped giving him pear because his super gums bit a piece off and everyone panicked that it got stuck in his throat. He dislikes papayas and took grapefruit juice with a face. He accepts water.

Gross Motor Skills

Since 4 months, Ju has been bearing weight on his chubby legs and now he howls with fury if nobody helps him on his feet if he so wishes. He's been practising being on all fours and simulating crawling for a few weeks now, though he can't get far. He's been using his head to propel himself forward as he doesn't know how to coordinate his hands and knees yet. This week we were amazed when he successfuly backed himself into a quasi-sitting position. He's been practising that and now can go from belly to fours to sitting. He's not sitting too stably yet, so I only let him sit on our bed as the last few times on the playmat he lost balance and bumped his head. He howled blue murder. The other milestone is he has learnt how to pull himself up to stand in his cot! It takes him a while but I have a video to prove it.

Ju is quite strong for his age (he isn't a lightweight either) and kicks and wriggles almost incessantly, only getting subdued when he's tired and ready for a nap. He loves being in the swimming pool and has no fear of water, splashing joyfully with both arms and getting his face and Daddy's all wet. In the bathtub, he sits by himself and grabs hold of the sides so hard we have to pry his fingers away to scoop him out. He enjoys being held while the shower spews out water at him.

Fine Motor Skills

Ju has been grabbing and holding on to things for a few weeks. He can shake his favourite rattle without banging himself on the head and last weekend he managed to hold on to the mouth-end of a balloon for a few minutes, swinging and tossing it about gleefully. His fingers are more dexterous, he flexes them regularly and grabs anything within reach to put in his mouth. He can reach out for toys and go after toys that are beyond his reach. When I tossed a ball toward him, he could follow it visually and pick it up. His interest in objects end at grabbing and licking or chewing on them with his toothless gums. He likes to use his hands to pound on surfaces and recently discovered the buttons on his electric mobile. I don't know if he realises the music changes when he pushes the buttons, but he can spend minutes on end fiddling with the contraption. He also grabs his feet and licks his big toe.

Social and Cognitive

Ju's vocalising still comprises only laughing, whinging and something resembling cat meows when you rub your nose to his affectionately. Once in a while he makes a funny vowel vocalisation that leaves us bemused. He yells when he is placed on his back against his will and smiles readily when he sees a familiar face. He very obviously gives preferential treatment to his grandpa, rewarding him with instant smiles, giggles and meows when grandpa comes home at 4pm. He still has no stranger anxiety and is indifferent to anyone who carries him or plays with/speaks to him. We are taking bets to see if this is innate or if he develops stranger anxiety eventually. He is indifferent to other children and babies, but he responds happily if he likes the look of you (or the funny sounds and faces you make).

He continues to sleep well, from 8.30pm (he takes about 15 minutes to toss and turn before finally falling asleep) to 6.30pm. Somehow he has been waking up at 5.30am the past two nights and it's been hell for us. Today my eyebags are evidence of this anomaly. His naps are getting shorter (he takes one after every feed most days) and his demands for attention more insistent. He still has no sense of object permanence which is great for taking things away from his reach. He smiles at his reflection in the mirror, and I get a kick out of him thinking it's another baby. We shall have to see when he realises it is himself.

Coming soon: Toys For Boys

Playdate

2011-11-14T08:35:00.000+08:00

Ju's first playdate with my friends and their babies went well....as far as the kids were concerned. There were 5 adults and 4 babies, a roomful of toys and all I remember from the 2 hours or so was a whirl of yelling, whining (from Ju when I left him on his tummy to snap photos) and bits of conversation while trying to eat our afternoon tea and making sure Ju had a toy to focus on.

He was oblivious to the others, with eyes only for the nearest toy that he could chew, bite and suck on. He didn't mind being carried by the other adults and was oblivious even when Minghong's boy (in blue tshirt) took a bite of his foot when he spied his mother holding another baby.

Interesting how 6 month olds are disinterested in socialising with other babies, the 2 year old is completely engrossed in her toys and the 15 month old swaggers around doing exactly what he wanted. Nobody was really interested in anybody else. It made for great chaos of the disorganised sort.

Juju In Action

2011-11-08T11:09:00.000+08:00

Daniel Turns 32

2011-10-31T21:48:00.000+08:00

You know you're 32 when you get a book about parenting but you definitely know you're 32 when you're wondering when you're gonna have The Talk with your offspring.

Project Baby: 5 Months Old

2011-10-22T22:39:00.000+08:00

Getting ready to crawl. Just need to figure out where my arms and legs go,

Project Baby: 5th Month Milestones

2011-10-08T11:13:00.000+08:00

Ju at Universal Studios

This month Ju hit all the expected developmental milestones, according to Heidi Murkoff et. al., experts on childcare and development in the first year (What To Expect The First Year), which I would recommend as the only book worth buying if you're looking for the one authoratative investment that's actually value for money. It's available at Kinokuniya in Singapore or on Amazon (which comes to almost the same price with shipping at the present sinking US dollar).

***

Gross motor skills

As mentioned, Ju now turns over, particularly in his cot after 4am when he starts to feel his stomach rumbling I suppose. I got tired of having to rescue him multiple times so I usually just plonk him in bed between us when he gets stuck in the night. He goes back to sleep and doesn't turn over anymore with the limited space between Mum and Dad. He doesn't spend a lot of time on his tummy because he can't get around yet and it probably gets frustrating kicking around and finding yourself in the same place. Also he sometimes finds it hard to keep his head up, depending on how much energy he has. We can pull him up by the arms into a sitting position, and even right to standing. He enjoys being on his chubby feet since he gets a nicer view compared to the usual ceiling and mobile. He can shift positions while lying so that he ends up turning 180 degrees. In his active moments his legs kick furiously and he beats his arms as if he were pounding a drum, except he pummels his own tummy. He continues to grab both feet at any and all opportunities.

******

Toys

He still likes the mobile (I recommend this as the best distraction tool for babies who can't yet crawl) but he now pays attention to anything that has audio and movement. This means squeaky toys and rattles are his best friends. His fine motor skills hae picked up. He can now reach for his rubber duck and pick it up, likewise if you offer him any toy within seeing and touching range. The only danger is his sole objective is to fling things around when he's not testing them with his tongue, so hard plastic toys like rattles are not a good idea if you want to let him play alone. The squeaker (especially those shaped like a slender handle) get's my vote as he gets the best grip so it stays in his hands the longest, giving you a precious extra minute to check Facebook.

*****

Vocalising

Ju can now razz. It's the sound you make when you blow with your lips so it sounds like a rude, wet fart (the French make a similar sound for emphasis in their conversations but theirs is a shorter, dry one). This, like everything else, happened overnight, and trust me, a parent can get hours of delight just marvelling at a child's new found talent for spewing saliva about. He continues to laugh, giggle and shout although he hasn't gone back to "ah-goo"ing. His only vowels are ahh and ooo. He also makes this wheezing sound like an old woman with asthma. His perpetual preoccupation with biting, sucking on and eating his fingers baffles us. It's either an early sign of teething (it's way too early for him to grasp a teething ring - I've tried) or his body's readying him for solids.

*****

Interaction

He continues to be fascinated by adult conversations. Ju reacts vry differently to me when I am conversing with another person. He appears to pay us more attention while indicating his interest in being part of the gossip by gesturing and vocalising eagerly. He gets tremendous enjoyment from anyone singing to him (nursery rhymes). Playing a CD may not get as much reaction from him as singing along to it. He still likes watching the TV but I limit this as much as I can because I don't want to cultivate a couch potato. He smiles when we present ourselves to him with a greeting, usually after a 2 second lag. I'm still figuring out if he is using recall (I read babies start recalling memories after 4 months) and thus smiles in recognition or if he is just plain sociable. We've exposed Ju to many different people since birth and he allows pretty much anyone to pick him up and carry him. Attachment usuallt sets in at a later stage, nearer to the first year, so we will have to wait and see if Ju has been conditioned by us or if he really has an innately easygoing personality.

*****

Feeding

Ah, here it comes: introducing the semi-solids. I was hard-pressed to start the solids even though the PD recommended formula till 6 months. She said Ju would get even bigger if we started the solids at 4 months. She had a point: Ju weights 9 kg now and his legs look like they belong on a Christmas turkey plate. My mother constantly bemoans his size but I let him have it -- rice cereal mit baby puree (any kind with no meat or hairy fruit). He loves it. We just can't give it to him when he's famished because the spoon can't get the stuff in fast enough. Still the same old impatient vielfrasse. Strangest thing is he still needs the bottle every 2 hours, even with 150ml each time, the longest I can drag the interval is 3 hours and that's rare. If he takes about 150ml of puree + rice cereal, he can do without the bottle and this suffices for 2 hours. We're trying the meal once a day to get him used to eating with a spoon.

*****

Language

We're keeping up with the trilingual parenting. I would say I am getting quite used to using Mandarin with Ju and with the help of a handy dictionary at home, he won't know that it isn't my first language. We're also reading to him in 3 languages and I have no doubt that his brain is soaking up the sounds. Some part of that marvellous machinery is going to make sense of it all in time and he will integrate 3 language systems eventually. I recently read Wang Xiao-Lei's thesis on how she and her Swiss husband brought up their boys in Chinese, French and English in America. It's an interesting read, I wouldn't call it a literary masterpiece, neither is it very inspiring, I have a few bones to pick with their method but that would be for a book review.

The one useful takeaway from it I thought was the fact that language acquisition for children works on a needs-basis. If a child has no need for the language (to get what he wants, which is interaction and needs fulfillment) he isn't going to use it. This can be a real downer for anyone working against the "norm" of a monolingual environment such as the US by instilling the second language in the child. Even in a more or less bilingual cultural and social environment in Singapore, I found it challenging to maintain my standard of Chinese after junior college when I all but could throw it aside for University which was in an all-English medium.

I will have to think about this one.

Project Baby: Introducing the Pool

2011-10-06T17:10:00.000+08:00

Ju had his first swimming experience 2 weeks ago, right when he turned 4 months old. It didn't go too badly. We had a giant float shaped like a frog that he could sit in, the kind where your legs dangle in the water but your upper half remains pretty much dry. He seemed to like it even more the second time, when he looked less worried about how his bath-tub had turned into a small lake. We held on to his arms and led him about with his head above water. He took to it a lot better, kicking his legs enthusiastically and didn't even complain much when I accidentally got water in his mouth. Just coughed and spat out the stuff.

We used Huggies' swim pants, which worked well, didn't blow up at all like your normal diaper. The second time I put the training trunks over his regular diaper (cos that's what they're supposed to go over). They've got an adjustable waistband for when your baby expands and cost around $24 at Mothercare. I didn't like these so much because his regular Pampers looked like a hot air balloon after the 10-minute dip. They're only useful if you don't happen to have any swim diapers around.

Well, there's always toilet training to simplify things.

Project Baby: 4 months old

2011-09-20T14:18:00.000+08:00

Ju is now 68 centimeters and 8.7 kilograms. It explains the sore arms I got after taking him on a day out at Universal Studios last Saturday. He is indeed at the most adorable stage of babyhood. At 4 months old, he is active, loud and always in a good mood. He still sleeps through the night and this month's highlight is he can now roll over by himself and believe me, he likes doing it and doing it a lot.

It's super cute but the only problem is he does it at night too, and sometimes we have to rescue him at 4am in the morning when he gets stuck. He can't roll back yet. His favourite pastime is still looking at his mobiles -- both the manual and battery-automated one. He is attracted to trees and the television. He seems to be always smiling or squealing at the top of his voice. His laugh is a rolling cackle which you can get if you tickle him under the arms.

He can grasp things although his fine motor ability is not quite there yet (all his fingers do is to mostly go down his throat). He likes to grab his feet and when he does this with both hands he looks like a big ball of fat rolls, it's hilarious. He can grasp his rattle and likes to bang hard with his fists so we're careful not to let him bang the rattle at his head (which he's done). He can also do a partial sit-up, like a stomache crunch, when he's in his rocker. His hair is still shedding, but new hair is growing too. His debut haircut was a hit with everyone. Oh yes, apart from his body mass index, his other big upgrade is his poo. Everyday he's been doing a poop so big that it gets everywhere, and I mean EVERYwhere. His Pampers medium is not doing the job anymore. Time for a diaper upgrade. I'm thinking Huggies large.

Weekend With Bao Bao

2011-09-16T17:16:00.001+08:00

It's the weekend finally!

Writing Lesson 1: 吃

2011-09-15T23:08:00.040+08:00

How to write 吃 chī (to eat) ?

If you remember the post on what chinese words are composed of, you will recall that 吃 is made up of the radical 口 and 3 other strokes.

Writing is pretty easy as long as you follow the rules, top to bottom, left to right. 吃 is written with 6 strokes.

The following diagram breaks each stroke down to its individual parts.

If you're wondering, each stroke (radical) has a name and when kids learn to write, they are taught the name of the stroke, so that they can "spell" the word. Like this:

口 shù, héng zé, héng

丿 piě

一 héng

乙 héng zé wān gōu

This is as close as you get to "spelling" a Chinese word!

What is Good?

2011-09-14T17:58:00.000+08:00

This is the word for "good" in Chinese:

好

hǎo

It's composed of the radicals 女 (nü = female) and 子 (zi = son).

So the word for "good" is really made up of two words: female and son.

I looked at the word and it made me wonder what the Chinese thought about gender back in those times. Did they consider it ideal to have daughters as well as sons? The word for "daughter" is written 女儿(nü er).

Or did the ancients think that it was ideal for a woman to bear a son (female + son)?

You would know that preference for sons in Chinese society is endemic and son preference is usually attributed to "Confucian values". But Confucius' ideas predated the Qin dynasty (in 221BC) and I don't believe he wrote anything specific on male gender preference. But of course Confucian texts (the Analects and other conversations) were interpreted by scholars as defending the male as supreme authority within the family.

So why is the Chinese word 好composed of these two other words, and more puzzling, what do they really say about Chinese society back then?

I really don't know, but I'd love to find out.

The Multilingual Experiment: 4-month update

2011-09-09T20:01:00.002+08:00

Well, it's been almost 4 months since our not-so-little bundle of joy burst into our lives. Daniel and I have been conscientiously reminding ourselves to use our respective languages with Ju -- he in German and I in Mandarin -- and so far, it's been okay for him and mildly discomforting for me.

I wrote in a previous post that we tend to switch to the default tongue (English) whenever a person who does not speak our language is present. This is still the case although we are doing it less in each other's presence. I might even go so far as to say that Daniel understands a lot more Mandarin now, and vice versa for me after spending the last 3 weeks with his parents. Ju wasn't the only one getting a heavy dose of German exposure!

Now that Ju is with my mother for 12 hours of the day, his exposure to English has just got a whopping increase since my mother uses English with him. My father uses Mandarin but he's only home after 4pm everyday. Still, they speak Mandarin to each other so Ju could still get some exposure although this would be passive unless someone speaks directly to him in the language.

This post is about how we've done so far with exposing our baby to TWO* minority languages with little feedback. By this I mean that conversation is still very much a one-way street, with no way for Ju to respond except in baby-talk. In fact, the daily reality in our house resembles a scene from the psychotic ward in a mental institution:

Me: Hello Bao Bao! (Bao Bao = Baby in Mandarin)
Ju: (Ignores me)
Me: How's my little Bao Bao? Ni hao ma?
Ju: (Ignores me)
Me: Mama xiang nian ni oh, Bao Bao xiang nian Mama ma? (Mummy missed you, did Baby miss Mummy?)
Ju: (sighs and smiles)

After a few minutes of the same stuff....
Me: Bao Bao jin tian guai bu guai? (Was Baby good today?)
Ju: (smiles) he...he...
Me: Shi mah? (Really?)
Ju: Eeeeh.....eeyaaaah!
Me: Zhen de ah! (Oh really!) Hai you ne? (And what else?)
Ju: Eeeeeei.....eeeyaaaooooaaaah!
Me: Wow! Tai hao le (Wonderful)!

You get my drift. The same is repeated in German when it's Daniel's turn.

You can find a useful list of tips and how-to's here if you're trying to get your kid to speak a minority language. However it's more age-appropriate for toddlers and older kids. Little babies who are just starting to baby-talk with the ahh-goos and ba-bas require a little more creativity. After all research has shown that babies absorb a startling amount of varied tones and sounds in the months leading up to the 7th month, and a baby's ability to differentiate between various languages decreases dramatically after that. This means if you want to lay a good foundation for a multilingual kid, you start the minute he's born, or in-utero depending on your fetal ideology.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

So how have we done so far with Ju? Using the list that I linked to above, here's what we've done and the things that can be added for infants and children under 1 year:

BE INTENTIONAL
1) We talk about everything as much as possible in his daily routines, during bath time, in the car and changing his diaper in addition to playtime. Ju responds most of the time, and he would start his own soliloquy if he's in the mood.

2) We read to him in all 3 languages. We have books in German, English and Chinese and the ones that are lyrical (Chinese rhymes or repetitive sounds like "Guah Guah" or "Moo Moo") or rhythmic (rhymes like Dr Seuss' Cat In The Hat) work best. He gets excited when you get excited, and it's not so much the story that he likes but the sound of your voice and the tone you use.

3) He loves it when we sing to him. Again, we can't tell if he is absorbing the phonetics but the musical tones appeal to him immediately and he rewards us with gurgles and smiles.

4) Even if he's using baby talk, we respond to him in the language. We do the same even if he isn't saying anything. It's a stretch sometimes to have a one-way conversation but we keep it up for as long as we can just so Ju gets the exposure to the sounds.

BE CONSISTENT
As I've already commented, it's difficult to be consistent in only one language all the time. We have had to be flexible because of the situation but by and large, we make the effort to speak the minority language most of the time with Ju. It's not important to be 100% all the time, but it's important that Ju learns to associate that language with each of us. I admit I have switched to English when it was impossible for me to express something in Mandarin. I don't think it will be much harm and to improve this, I've started to read one Chinese article a day to brush up my Chinese -- painful but worth it for Bao Bao!

BE PERSISTENT
We're always reminding and harangueing each other to "speak in Mandarin!" or "Deutsche please!" so that we don't forget and slip into easy mode -- English, since that's our mode of communication. We're also on the lookout for other Deutsche- and Mandarin-speaking babies so Ju could have potential playdates when he's older.

So whatever you do, don't give up on getting that minority language into your baby and it's never too early to start. It is possible, however, to be too late!

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

*You could count Chinese as a minority language even though the population is 75% ethnic Chinese and there is quite a widespread use of it. The simple reason is because in Ju's world at least, he is only exposed to one other Mandarin-speaker besides myself -- his grandpa. The complicated reason, I will devote a separate scathing post to at some later time.

Right and Wrong

2011-09-08T11:17:00.001+08:00

Dear Kid

How am I supposed to teach you what's right and what's wrong when everywhere I look, I see people doing wrong, getting it wrong and plain being wrong and getting away with it?

It depresses me when I read about all the systemic failures that our government is partly responsible for (I don't know why I read this stuff every day, it's like cocaine, they should really ban critical analyses online by private citizens like they did for the Straits Times so that people like your dear old Mum here won't get all angsty and indignant every morning).

It angers me whenever I am having my meal at the hawker center to see elderly, semi-elderly and some able-bodied folk going from table to table hawking a handful of tissue paper for $1. I am instantly guilt-stricken for wondering (for a split second) if I should "buy", because I am subjecting the poor chap to a moral judgement of his deservedness (you will understand when you're older that he is not really a simple purveyor of disposable wipes) and then after I decline politely but firmly, I find myself glaring pensively at his back, berating the State and its stingy anti-welfarism for allowing this sort of daily assault on my conscience.

[Note: your Pa and I have had a discussion before you were born about our position on mobile-tissue-vendors, as we didn't want to send you mixed signals about charity. We reached a consensus that we would "buy" if the purveyor looked like he/she was really in need and not if he/she looked "healthy and capable of working for a living". I have since decided to revise this position because let's face it, means-testing beggars according to how decrepit looking they are is really the epitome of hypocrisy and conceit. You either give to everyone or you don't give at all. I must admit my moral conscience hasn't been quite persuaded by this logic cos I ignored one yesterday, telling myself "I had already bought one handful yesterday!" Obviously I am more screwed up than previously thought and I have to go back to the drawing board on this one.]

It also pisses me off when I'm driving at over 60kmh and I have to do some major braking when a stray pedestrian jaywalks -- no, when he sashays -- across my path with impunity. First, this causes me to swear and when you, kiddo, are in the back, it's one less "fuck" you should be hearing. Second, along with all other types of traffic misdemeanours your Mummy encounters daily, the perpetrator gets away with it. Third, I am reminded of all the times your Pa and I have done it ourselves and I have another dilemma about teaching you what NOT to do.

Should I apply a continuum of rightness and wrongness to your lessons? E.g. "jaywalking is okay as long as you don't do it like a imbecile asking to be run down"; or "we should be kind to this one poor old folk, but we shouldn't be giving money to all the poor old folk cos then they will all stop going out to hawker centers to sell tissue packets or pick up cardboard boxes and just stay home and wait for the handouts".

You see kid, it's not so easy to tell you what's right, because sometimes it isn't and then some people will disagree that it's right and then I'd look like a right fool telling you that. I don't think I could be completely sure about what's wrong either, because there are some people who do a lot of wrong and they get off scot-free while other people get in a lot of trouble. Then there are things that FEEL really wrong, but because the powerful people tell you it's right, you kinda wind up confused. Like how people need to be paid millions of dollars for being a politician so that they would want to be a politician even though there are other people willing to do this job for a lot less except they don't know the right people.

So there you go. Your first lesson on right and wrong. If you're a lot more confused than when we began, tell me about it, cos Mummy here has no clue either.

Chinese Lesson 2: What's In A Word

2011-09-07T08:26:00.002+08:00

When Ju was born we gave him a Chinese name. Daniel asked me to teach him how to write it and I tried to. Of course the exercise was a disaster, he never mastered the "correct" way of writing the strokes (left to right, top to bottom!) and his characters came out looking like squiggles made by a 5 year old.

Chinese isn't easy, I admit, and it took me the requisite 12 years of formal education plus 3 in kindergarten to learn how to read, write and converse at a level where I can claim some proficiency in the language. The difference between Chinese and languages like English and German that use the roman letters is we have to memorise every character and there must be thousands. In Singapore, the system aims to get a child to memorise 2000 words by the time they finish high school, which is a total of 10 years! That would get you to a minimum level of proficiency but the journey is painful, as anybody who has had to learn it this slow, hard way would tell you.

So I've given it some thought, how I am going to teach Ju my language, when it's so memory-intensive and requires a total immersion in character-recognition and not only conversation. If you go right down to the basics, there IS a schematic to Chinese. I'm not qualified to teach it or give a history of our pictograms, but I will just give a very simple introduction to the written form.

Chinese is quite lyrical, with 4 tones to each word (or character) and a neutral for a few. Each character consists of radicals (like words consist of letters). Radicals consist of strokes, starting from the most basic single stroke (see above, 1) to the most complicated 17 strokes which is in itself a character.

If you look at the radical, yi (meaning "one"), it looks like a little line. You write it in one stroke, from left to right, and that's pretty much why it's a 1-stoke radical. Look at the radical, er (meaning "two) and voila, it's two lines, hence a 2-stroke radical. You think: no-brainer, this is easy! Except it gets more complicated.

Each radical, be it a simple 3-stroke one or a mother of a 15 stroke word, pairs with other radicals to form the Chinese characters. This means radicals can be characters by themselves too. Look at the above diagram, you will see the 3-stroke radical kou, also the word for "mouth". Well, kou makes tons of other words (see below). The list is not exhaustive, I am only showing you kou paired with words with 2 and 3 other strokes:

I don't recognise all the words, as a few are rarely used in daily life. Most are commonly seen words, like 吃 (chi, meaning to eat) and 吓 (xia, meaning to frighten or scare).

But you get the picture. Incidentally, it's no coincidence that 吃 and 吓 involve the mouth (eat and frighten) in some way, and therein lies the logic of the radical 口 kou. This is also how you can recall how to write characters in Chinese.

In closing, hanyu pinyin is the system of romanising the Chinese characters. For example, xia tells you exactly how to pronounce 吓 (I'll deal with pinyin in another post). The accent on the "a" tells you which tone to use, in this case, the 4th. There is also a system to where you put the various accents, of course, and they are always on a vowel if you look at the first and second tables.

It is also when you know how to break down a character into its component radicals that you wouls be able to use a Chinese dictionary.

Chinese Lesson 1: Know The Bloody Difference

2011-09-05T21:41:00.002+08:00

In keeping with my multilingual experiment to raise Ju trilingual, I have decided to do a series on learning Chinese. This first post is something of a prologue of sorts, just to set things straight. In my research on multilingualism, I've chanced across a few personal blogs by Westerners (mostly American) who have either (1) studied the language and/or (2) married a Chinese person and are bringing up their baby in Mandarin as well as English or (3) adopted a Chinese baby and are bringing up their baby in Mandarin as well as English.

They are not all that bad, and some are in actually entertaining and quite insightful. However, some of them have made the following mistake that I deem it worthwhile to devote my first post on Chinese language to this irritating error: they do not know the difference between MANDARIN (Pu Tong Hua) and CANTONESE (one of the many dialects of Southern China).

This is the Chinese character, "learn", pronounced "xue" in pinyin. "Xue" is what we call MANDARIN or Pu Tong Hua. Some Westerners call it "Mandarin Chinese" but even if you say "I speak Chinese", most Mandarin speakers understand that you speak Mandarin. Mandarin is the official spoken language of China and Taiwan.

Now, Westerners who have learned to speak CANTONESE, which is a dialect of Chinese, would pronounce the word as "hock". They are not speaking Chinese. Cantonese is th de facto tongue of Hong Kongers and spoken in the province of Guangdong (previously known as "Canton", therein the origin of the name). In Mandarin, the Cantonese dialect is known as "Guangdong hua" or "the language of Guangdong.

So today's very basic yet important lesson is to know the bloody difference between Mandarin Chinese -- Pu Tong Hua -- and Cantonese. Of course if you want to nitpick, you could say every dialect including Pu Tong Hua counts as "Chinese". I would disagree as a native Chinese speaker*. That's because Mandarin is the unifying language of China, ~~created~~ its written script was first standardised by China's First Emperor of Qin (aka Qin Shi Huang) to unify the vast lands hitherto known as Zhong Guo (the Middle Kingdom, aka China). Cantonese, on the other hand, is only spoken by a small percentage of the 1 billion inhabitants of China. They of course include the large population of overseas Chinese migrants which would explain why Americans and Canadians think they are speaking "Chinese" when they are really speaking a popular southern dialect.

Hence, from here on, I will use "Mandarin" to refer to the spoken language Pu Tong Hua; "Chinese" to refer to the entire language system which includes verbal Mandarin and the written Chinese characters. With this,I hope you enjoy the journey as much as I think I will in bringing up my baby trilingually.

*I consider a native Chinese speaker as a person whose heritage and lineage derives from China and who has learnt Chinese at a level that it constitutes a central part of his/her identity and perspective in addition to proficiency in the language. I have studied and spoken Chinese since birth, simultaneously with English and Cantonese. My mother's parents hailed from Guangdong province and they spoke only Cantonese to me when they were alive. To this day, even though my proficiency in Cantonese is below-average, I maintain a vocabulary and fluency that gets me by pretty decently on the streets of Hong Kong.

Looks like Me or Looks like D?

2011-09-05T12:14:00.001+08:00

The best part about having a mixed-race/inter-ethnic/bicultural baby is guessing who he's gonna resemble. After ensuring, as usual, that Baby was healthy and normal in terms of his physical and cognitive development, my mind went to the more trivial questions about his looks.

I've dug up some pictures for comparison. Admittedly, the pic of D and I was snapped in the year before our pregnancy so we do look slightly worse-for-wear now but it's assuredly still quite accurate, i.e. no photo-shopping or any insidious alterations. The pic of Ju is a rather recent one at 3 months and a week.

He appears more Chinese than anything at first glance, probably due to his dark eyes and hair, no doubt from me. His colouring seems to be closer to Chinese than Caucasian but that remains to be seen. However, he's acquired a tan from his daily walks (while his German grandparents were here) that suggests he may bake in the sun like his mother rather than cook like his dad.

Everyone has so far given mixed opinions, some saying he looks like Daniel and some saying he resembles me, although it remains a mystery which indicators others use. Ju has Dan's ears and his double eyelids but his nose and pouty lips seem to be a mixture of us both. If you break it down to parts, he looks like neither one of us!

Project Baby Week 15: Part Time Mummy

2011-09-04T21:08:00.001+08:00

I planned to return to work after my 16 weeks of maternity leave were up. For reasons related to my mother's schedule (she is the designated babysitter when I go back), I returned after 14 weeks and plan to take the remainder at the end of the month. My first week back at work filled me with mixed feelings.

I suppose thousands have written about how leaving their baby to return to work completely messed with their maternal instincts, leaving them feeling guilty and stressed, being torn between twin and clashing obligations. I totally get that. After all, women have only 24 hours to their day to use, just like men do. It's not like we can go to amazon and order an upgrade on our productivity capacity, although I can think of quite a few men (and even women with no children) who could use this.

So here I am, back at the grind, missing my kid, trying not to feel lousy that my boobs have all but shut down milk production and returned their original size (much to my delight since now I don't have to buy new bras plus I'm sure Daniel means it when he says he doesn't mind). I haven't had much trouble keeping to the original work schedule I'd kept before going on leave, i.e. I don't arrive at work any later than before and neither do I leave any earlier. I'm lucky that I do not have to compromise on my own productivity or committment to my work, simply because I trust the person bringing up my child while I work.

Now I must say I enjoy my work a lot more than I can say for other people, and for now at least, I'm not one of those mothers who think of nothing else but going home to be with their babies. Of course I was peeved I didn't get to see the first time Ju started grabbing his toes or that whenever he sees me at the end of the work day, the object of his interest is his mobile more than his mother.

I guess it's just something I have to get used to, Ju is going to see me for, what, a total of 2 hours each day (his bed time is 9pm) plus the half an hour in the morning if I am lucky (he sleeps till 6.30am on average but we have to drop him off at his grandma's before 7.30 to go to work). It all sounds like a raw deal for me, and I would agree. Daniel hates it even more. But what can we do? We're a society with ridiculous working hours because the establishment invests more in a cheap workforce than a productive one.

When it comes to helping its female workforce have more babies, it applies logic that appeals more to chimpanzees than human beings who want and need to work and yet want and need to be mothers with some modicum of nurturing. And nurturing requires TIME, something that women -- no matter how much the men wish it -- do not have any more than men do.

What does a country like Sweden or Finland have that we do not? Let's see now, they have universal healthcare and affordable, high quality childcare that is available to all women in addition to the right to take over a year of maternity (and paternity leave from that entitlement) leave without fear of retrenchment. Would all that translate directly to more children in Singapore, I hear you scoffing.

What that translates directly to, I would go so far to humbly state, is a widespread societal acceptance, no, I would say EXPECTANCY that all women, regardless of ethnicity, class or age, would be given quality support in the care of their children if they wished to return to work. It means that as long as the woman deems it appropriate to be a full-time mother, the state and her employer supports her choice and retains her position in the company (within limits of course). It means that a woman from a middle-class background is given the same access to quality care and flexible work-options as the woman from an upper-class background. This results in an even "working field", if you will, in the Scandinavian workplace. No one is disadvantaged by the lack or inability to pay for the help and support required to allow them to return to work.

This means that a Scandinavian mother cannot possibly complain about unsupportive parents, inlaws or husbands or the State even, hampering them from being 100% committed to their work. The State has provided for the most important factor, I believe, which can contribute to a woman continuing to be productive in the marketplace as well as in the family: equality amongst females.

Yes, that's right. It isn't even about gender inequality anymore. In Singapore, men are pulling their weight in the household and they WANT to, and the government isn't even interested in letting them do it, by ":recommending" a paltry 3 days of paternity leave. The real injustice is that the women without family support do not trust the quality of childcare available, and well they shouldn't. There is very little of it that is affordable. This creates a schism between those with more resources and those who don't. In addition, the women who refuse to compromise on their children's health and intellectual/emotional development would rather sacrifice their jobs than subcontract such important work to sub-par professionals. And the worst news of all: everyone else who knows this and can't (or won't) become economically poorer for the sake of their children would rather not have any at all.

A Bitter Taste the Morning After

2011-08-28T12:34:00.000+08:00

Now, I've refrained from making any political comments on this blog due to the nature of my work and the fact that mothering a 3 month old sucks up most of my energy which goes to feeding and making disapproving comments at my husband. But this is too much.

How does a person who receivws only 30-something percent of the valid votes, an obvious target of at worst, mass population dislike, and at best, depressed apathy, become the country's Head of State? That, in spite of running a campaign with as much appeal as BBC radio and spewing rhetoric that sounded like a broken record from the 1990s?

Easy, you would scoff, happens all the time, particularly if you live in America.

But this isn't America, land of the free, crazy and anything-goes! This is Singapore, once a 40plus square kilometres stretch of beach and jungle that now houses 4 million people, a creaky transport system and absolutely no public dissent! Our one-party Cabinet which has the mandate of the people who voted in ostensibly democratic elections has so far governed the country like the wise sages of China on the basis of their....well, wisdom.

Even in the years when you didn't get to vote, you let it slide because inside, you told yourself that the people in charge would do what was best for the country and what was fairest for you, the individual. Even when you always had the niggling suspicion you were being forgotten in the collective or getting the short end of the stick (although without any reliable, hard evidence), you chose not to kick up a fuss because you still had a job and a so-so quality of life compared to the homeless in Manila.

Putting aside who would have made the "best President" or been the "best man" for the job (since these are pretty redundant issues for their ideological subjectivity), you would hope that a kind of justice could have prevailed on this morning of 28 August, that the man who got less than HALF the voting population's votes would not get to make a victory speech on a television station that isn't even capable of impartial, quality journalism (NB: we only have one television station).

So I feel, much like I did after the May polls, a profound sense of injustice, that a wrong has been done, but where no redress can be found for the collective grievance that must surely be weighing upon our island right now. You might blame Tan Jee Say and/or Tan Kin Lian for wading in and diluting Tan Cheng Bok's vote share. I don't, because I have to credit the establishment for their tactical prowess in allowing a 4-corner fight to begin with, no matter if it's intuitively ridiculous to have 4 candidates running for President of a country.

So you would understand if I am feeling a bit miffed at how the cards have played out. I assumed naively that the will of 1.4 million people would have made a difference in denying the candidate whom MOST people did not want as President the seat.

Life will go on in the land of Big Brothers. Democracy once more perverted, and justice flouted in the name of first-past-the-post.

Project Baby: Month 3

2011-08-25T17:37:00.000+08:00

Ju is 3 months old and starting on his fourth. He's one of the calmest and most predictable babies in terms of his sleep and feeding needs. He hardly gets colicky except for one occasion when he screamed blue murder as he choked on his bottle. I had to abandon the bottle and rock/carry him to calm him down. He survived his first set of vaccinations (at 2 months) without side effects, even though he cried inconsolably after being fed the Rotavirus vaccine. His only issue now at 3 months is hair loss -- lots of it. His left side looks like a dog took a chunk out of it because it's near bald. He's ironically got less hair than at birth, but he's also lost quite a bit of his baby fat on his face. He looks pretty big for his age, people always express surprise when we tell them he's only 3 months old. He's hit quite a few milestones and remains the adorable center of attention for his grandparents and relatives.

Feeding
Ju takes an average of 120ml to 140ml per feed, an average of 8 feeds a day. It's consistent for his weight (7kg last I checked) and he is drinking mostly formula now that my breastmilk is drying up. I suppose it's my fault for not being consistent with the breastfeeding. Even my morning yield (when I express) has dwinded from 150ml to a measly 60ml this morning. I've given up expressing in the day. Ju is fine with it.

Sleep

Ju sleeps through the night now. He has his last feed from 9 to 9.30pm and sleeps till 6.30am at the earliest. Sometimes he can go till 7.30am. He still naps usually after each feed, but skips one or two in the afternoon. People ask us how we got him to sleep through, but we really didn't do anything I'm afraid. Maybe Ju's system is able to self-regulate his sleep cycles, it appears that your body's (including babies) ability to regulate its cycles -- breathing, sleeping, eating -- has a lot to do with your brain's reaction to stress and its ability to cope with it. Of course the worse your sleep, the more stress you experience and the worse your sleep, and so on in a vicious circle.

Speech/Attention

Since my last report, Ju has been able to focus his attention on moving objects. He loves looking at anything that moves and emits sound. Basically he's crazy about his battery-operated mobile that blasts music and light. It's a great distraction when he's cranky as well and does wonders for his mood. He's also been "talking" a lot; in addition to the "ah-goo's" he likes to squeal, gurgle and laugh, sometimes at the top of his lungs. He is most talkative when he observes and hears adults interacting with each other or singing to him. He's also able to smile in recognition when he sees me or Daniel. Funnily, he's taken to smiling at almost everyone recently.

Motor Skills
Perhaps his most visible milestone has been his fine motor skills. He graduated from thumb sucking to fist sucking and tugging at his blanket and whatever cloth material he can get his hands on. At first it wasn't coordinated at all, he would pull and tug as if by instinct but yesterday I noticed him examining his hands intently as he played with his sheep, Sepp. It was as if he was noticing how he could get his fingers to grasp and pull. Since this week he has also been able to bring his two hands together and clasping has become his new favourite pasttime. He likes to bring them to his mouth too, as if testing the contours and shape of his fists. He still sucks on his thumb when he is hungry or sleepy.

His neck has become much stronger and he can hold it up most of the time although it still sways precariously at times. We put him on his tummy (tummy-time) each day to help him with his neck. He isn't crazy about it, but a minute a day is good enough.

Cradle cap
His cradle-cap has improved since we switched to Dentinox shampoo for cradle cap. I'm too lazy to rub the olive oil on his scalp every day. His scalp doesn't flake anymore but sometimes I like to pick off the looser bits, taking a couple of hairs with it as well. The yellowish patches are mostly confined to the front of his head, on the fontanelles. I don't know if it's related to the hair loss, but everyone whose baby has had it confirms that it lasts a couple of months.

Overall, Ju seems quite happy to be taken out for walks in his stroller. He doesn't fall asleep in the car anymore and pays rapt attention to the stuff outside the window unless he is yelling in protest when the car is stationary. He still gets tormented by hiccups and they can drive him crazy sometimes. He seems to be better behaved when I am not around, i.e. I seem to have to offer him a comfort-suck on the breast when he has trouble taking his naps. Other than that, he's the model baby!

The Impatient Mother's Guide to: Surviving The Day Out

2011-08-07T12:50:00.000+08:00

After a couple of weeks out and about with Ju and our stroller, going out is really a breeze if you have a predictable child with a predictable feeding schedule. Even if you don't, all you really need are diapers, a changing mat, and if you aren't breastfeeding a thermos, formula and bottles. I would not recommend going out without at least one bottle of formula because you may find yourself in a situation where your kid needs to be fed NOW and now means in the middle of a crowded mall. Boob rejection might happen too, and trust me, you do not want a screaming infant in a small restaurant with good accoustics. I never let Ju get remotely close to yelling for his food but that's because I dispense with the breastfeeding completely when we are out. Too many things can go wrong.

I use a Playtex bottle to minimize the number of bottles I have to pack. Ju feeds 2-hourly, so this means an average of 3, maybe 4 feeds for half a day out. The great thing about this is the disposable Drop-ins that come pre-sterilised, so you just drop it into the bottle and fill it up.

Of course it looks a like you're leaving used condoms behind wherever you go, but it doesn't bother me. My only issue with it is the teat - the 0-3 month "slow" teat is ultra slow and it takes forever for Ju to finish a bottle. I tried the 3-6 month "fast" teat on him and it didn't go so well -- milk spewing everywhere. So we are sticking to the slow for now. The pro is there is almost no leakage with this teat. Daniel hates it because it's much softer than the Avent or Medela teats, since it replicates the natural nipple. I personally don't mind, it's really a matter of skill how you get baby to latch on properly. You can choose from latex (brown) and silicone (clear) teats. The latex apparantly mimicks the real breast even better but I decided against it cos you can't sterilise it in a steriliser as you would the other stuff.

Going out with bottles also means Dad has no excuse not to help out while you shop! You don't even have to fret if you forget your thermos (I did) as you can readily ask for hot water almost everywhere you go. Your baby is your sympathy card. Plus you can feed him anywhere, even while he's in the bassinet or stroller if you're caught out somewhere or in the middle of your own meal.

Project Baby Week 11: Sleeping Through the Night

2011-08-02T12:59:00.000+08:00

Before I delivered, one of my biggest concerns had been how we would get the baby to sleep through the night. Checks with every Mummy-friend of mine revealed that almost none of the babies slept through before the 4th or 5th month (1 out of 10 had the good fortune of a baby who slept through from the get-go) and some were still waking up for night feeds at close to 1 year.

The first month, Ju had 3 hourly feeds throughout the day until midnight. Then he would sleep a max of 4 hours before the cycle resumed, this meant we had two night feeds between midnight and 6am. The second month Ju suddenly switched to 2-hourly feeds throughout the day ending at close to midnight. Besides this being a nightmare for the one minding him all day (since there was now less time in between his feeds), we noticed that he could sleep up to 5 hours at night. We noticed that if he went early to bed (before 9pm), he would inevitably wake for his night feed sometime between 2 and 3am.

So we started making his last feed sometime between 10 and 11pm. This is really a stretch because he looks like a druggie by 10pm. This is his third month and he can sleep up to 7 hours, going past the spendid 5am mark. Last night, he slept from 10.30pm to 6.30am, hallelujah! We cut back his 9pm feed to 90ml (which wasn't an issue for him since he was asleep by the last 10ml) and he started sucking his thumb before 10pm even though his eyes seemed to be glued shut. I breastfed him and stuck 40ml down him before 10.30 and he went completely under by the time Daniel put him to bed.

Needless to say, we had a fabulous night (of sleep) until 6.30am. I must admit we've been exceptionally lucky with this baby. If all goes well and Ju does not have any revolutionary changes to his metabolism in the next few months, I won't have to make the painful decision to sleep-train him before going back to work. For more needy babies, however, there are some methods that may offer that precious respite from the 3am feed, or worse, the 2-hourly round-the-clock baby:

Cold-turkey

A baby cries to be picked-up, rocked or fed or all three. So even if he isn't really dying for a meal, he would still cry as long this gets him the comfort he realises crying gets him. So letting him cry it out -- basically ignoring him -- till he falls asleep is one nailbiting but effective, as some swear by it, method of ending those nightime feeds and cries.

"Ferberizing"

According to Dr Richard Ferber, a baby can be conditioned to dissociate crying with the gratification of need. This is less heartbreaking than going cold turkey and something I would've tried myself. You put baby to bed while he is still awake and if he cries, you wait a minute or two before going to soothe him or pick him up. Once he's back in bed and acts up again, you do the same thing except this time, you stretch out the time he has to wait for attention, and you don't pick him up. The next time, you wait even longer and you don't touch him at all, gentle and soothing sounds or words would suffice. You do this over and over, each time making him wait longer, until eventually he figures out that he isn't getting anything but a "shhhh" and quits.

The problem with this method is, I don't think my hungry baby is going to stand for it. A baby can keep crying for up to 1 hour (my friend's 4 month old) and this can be really nerve-wracking as well as hell for the neighbours. But the point of conditioning is precisely to train your baby to sleep through, even if it means going hungry. With Ju, we tried upping his intake at 9pm, but he would fall asleep and the extra would be wasted. I guess with some babies, they will drink as much as they need and want, whether it's more or less than you desire.

I personally believe in as little intervention as possible in the baby's rhythm. From birth, I observed Ju's regularity and duly responded to his needs as he dictated -- on-demand parenting as some call it. Even without my intervening, he would fall roughly into his own sleep-eat-play-sleep rhythm. All I had to do was to spot the signs of his tiredness and get him as comfortable as possible for sleep, and learn to anticipate his 2 hourly meal-time fussing and get either my boob or bottle ready.

A word on sleep: some babies need help going to sleep, and even a baby as easy as Ju sometimes needs that pacifier or blanket. Ju discovered the fradulence of the pacifier and so if I am at home, I would offer him a 2minute suck on the boob if he seems to be really distressed and sleepy. Recently Ju learnt how to suck on his thumb and he now gets his own comfort DIY before his nap. It staves off his hunger pangs as well. We avoided swaddling him from birth or "managing" the environment (like darkening the room or playing music) whenever he slept. This proved to be a good move because Ju can sleep almost anywhere as long as he's tired. Messing with the environment gets your baby reliant on having certain conditions for sleep. All we do is to cover him with a blanket whenever he starts to show signs of sleepiness to help him associate that with napping. I don't know if we managed to condition him, since he would kick off his blanket and fidget until he is good and ready. We also only put him in his cot at night, after his last feed, to get him accustomed to it as his bedtime spot. In the day, he takes naps on the couch, in his rocker or in his stroller if we are out.

Project Baby Week 10: Out And About

2011-07-28T22:20:00.000+08:00

I am one of those people who get a heart attack the moment their baby starts bawling in an enclosed public space, particularly a restaurant or airplane cabin. For someone who drives, I am also jittery about taking Ju on public transport. Today we made our maiden journey on the MRT and it went quite swimmingly.

Dhoby Ghaut and Orchard stations are quite disabled/baby friendly with lifts and ramps as well as those bumps on the ground leading you to the nearest lift as soon as you alight. The only irritation are the able-bodied people (without strollers) who use the lift as well. Even at 6pm (rush hour), my fears were somewhat allayed when I managed to cram myself and Ju into an almost-full carriage. Luckily we only rode for two stops and it was fine.

Time really flies when you're out with a 2 month old, and it positively streaks at the speed of light when you are two babies. Lunch and coffee took a total of 2 hours, feeds and diaper changes included. The thing that one must really get used to is looking for the lift as well as the ramps when you're faced with stairs. That takes the most time after feeding. Luckily Ju didn't need much burping today, probably because he was kind of upright in his carseat most of the time. He seemed to be fascinated by everything around him so much so that he didn't even get hungry at his usual 2 hour mark. He only got grumpy when he woke from his nap, but he was really attentive when he was awake, delighting passersby with his earnest and boyish handsomeness!

Being out and about today gave me a sense of achievement I haven't felt in a while. It sounds ridiculous of course, but when you spend most of your time on the couch at home, being out with a baby doing "normal" stuff in the city feels like running and completing a marathon. I guess there is such a risk as having too much help that you wind up sitting on your ass until someone comes to babysit so that you can go out. But seeing that Ju seems to enjoy having different things to see, I shall take him out more often. After all, I should make the most of the rest of the time I have with him before I go back to the office.

Project Baby Week 9: Aches and Ailments

2011-07-21T15:54:00.000+08:00

Ju is almost 9 weeks old and growing like a....well, he's big. At his doctor yesterday he weighed in at 6.6kg and measured 61.5cm. Compared to the other babies in the room, he looked like a giant. It's a myth that his size has to do with half his genes being German. I'm serious. Every Caucasian parent I've spoken to so far has had a baby smaller than mine at birth and smaller in size month-for-month compared to Ju. So race has nothing to do with it and neither does diet, since I am still thinner than most of the mothers around me who had smaller babies.

Speaking of weight, hoisting Ju up and down every day has given my wrist a strain or sprain from the pain I have. It's likely due to his weight because most babies his size are at least 4 months old and can hold up their heads. Ju's neck, on the other hand, has not strengthened, so I have to pick him up with the babyhold (supporting neck and butt) and this really puts a strain on the wrist. Not to mention it looks a tad ridiculous cradling a baby this big in my arms like an infant. So I'm crossing my fingers his neck strengthens REALLY soon.

In other news, Ju got his shots and it was hilarious (to me anyway). He got the oral Rotavirus vaccine first, but because it was sweet and he hated it, he coughed and choked and started screaming in rage. The injections on each of his chubby little thighs went smooth sailing since he was bawling at the top of his lungs anyway. I've never heard him scream so badly before and I did feel a little sorry for him. So we gave him his bottle afterwards to calm him down.

His cradle cap is still looking rather bad, and the doctor gave us a shampoo for his scalp. I rubbed olive oil in his scalp before his bath yesterday and Daniel shampooed him. Afterward, there was lots of skin flaking off and I spent the next hour or so picking it out of his hair. Gross. I hate dandruff. But as they say, the condition is quite harmless and bothers the parents a lot more than the baby. We'll just have to wait and keep treating his scalp, hopefully it will improve in a week.

Meanwhile, I sw my gynae a final time and had a pap smear. It was less invasive than I feared but then again, I haven't been penetrated in a while. Doc confirmed that breastfeeding really kills your libido and makes the whole place dry as a desert. He recommended some contraceptive options for me, but I declined. Dan would agree that the chances are slimmer than slim that we would get pregnant again. As a matter of fact, even though your period doesn't show up, you're fertile after the second month, even if you're breastfeeding. My doc informed me that my ovaries were "waking up". Good news lost on me I guess.

Breastfeeding is going a lot better, and I finally put my Medela pump to good use. I got 100ml out in a couple of minutes last night, but that was a good 7 hours after the last nursing. Pumping and feeding it to Ju from the bottle is a lot more effective but in the day, I don't bother as I don't get quite so much out with the 2 hourly feeds. Ju still needs a bottle of formula after nursing from the breast. I doubt mixed feeding is responsible for his weight, he doesn't look overweight, just big. I suspect his bones got a power-packed dose of calcium from me in the womb.

There's also one thing I learnt about breastfeeding: drink lots of water before and during the feed. Dehydration does nothing for your milk flow and it might even have detrimental effects on your body as it needs to generate supply for the baby. Water is therefore essential.

Project Baby: Month 2

2011-07-17T14:52:00.001+08:00

From birth, Ju has been a rather upsized baby, as I had probably remarked on other occasions. Like all parents, we are fascinated by his stages of development and sometimes concerned if he didn't seem to be doing something "expected" of his age. I guess at less than 8 weeks old, one cannot realistically expect him to conform to any standards since all babies grow and develop at different paces. Even so, I couldn't help comparing! I was particularly concerned about his eyesight and attention span (given Dan's ultra short one). Here is his progress at week 8:

*****
Attention

There is no problem with Ju's eyesight since he could squint at direct sunlight or bright lighting as early as the first week. He just couldn't focus on me or anything within a few inches of him even at week 6. Opinions (both "professional" and laypeople) online about when a baby could see ranged from a ridiculous 3 days old to 3 months. Some people seem to imagine that their baby can track them from across the room at 3 weeks, lunacy. Anyway, Ju's paediatrician thinks his sight is normal, he could focus for 1 or 2 seconds at the last check (4 weeks). At week 8, Ju has become a lot more focused on people close to him, especially if we are speaking directly at him. When I caught his attention and moved my head to the left and right, his eyes seemed to be able to track my movement. He liked to be held in the sitting position since turning a month old as he could see a lot more, so we bought him a rocker. He's always looking this way and that, so even if he couldn't focus on anything for longer than 2 seconds, there is plenty to occupy him everywhere.

*****
Communication

Ju has been smiling since his first week, but I figured it was more a reflex than reaction to the world. He would smile while nursing and often, sleeping. Between week 6 and 7 he seemed to smile in response to me as you can see from the photo. He still smiles at no one in particular, especially while staring at some unknown point in the distance, but he definitely smiles when we talk to him these days.

He also started gurgling and doing baby talk, like ah-goo, ah-grrrr, haiii, and a range of squeals and sighs. Yesterday I put him on his rocker and read a couple of books to him (the Bears by the Berensteins) and he was delightfully baby-talking back to me. It could be he was super awake then and felt like communicating but he sure seemed to like my voice.

Ju has never been much of a howler, so his cries are always only motivated by 1) hunger, 2) need for burping and 3) need for sleep although the last two are more whining than crying. Ju's body movements are more telling of what he wants than his vocalisations. For example, rubbing his eyes and swatting at his face are signs of tiredness, along with yawning of course. When he is pooping or needs to poop he scrunges up his face, makes pushing noises and lifts both legs high up like he is really pushing crap out.

*****
Feeding & Sleeping

Ju used to feed every 3 hours until week 4 or 5 when he switched to 2 hourly feeds. It was hell at first, but I am used to it now althought it makes me feel like I am doing nothing but feeding. The upside is he is sleeping 5 to 6 hours after his last feed at 9pm. Last night he managed to go almost 7 hours. He is still on mixed feed -- bottle and boobs -- though we give him formula at night to hasten the whole exercise. From the very beginning Ju got formula because of his weight (4.3kg) so we stuck with it. Plus I didn't have enough breastmilk to satisfy him. Even now it's impossible to completely breastfeed him unless I express the stuff into a bottle. He takes up to 120ml (4 ounces) per feed which is quite normal for a baby his size (6kg). Ju is very impatient when he's hungry but he chokes when the milk "lets down" and so when he lets go of the nipple, he gets a faceful of milk when it sprays him. This enrages him even more but it's hilarious. I always have a burp-cloth in hand in addition to his bib.

He naps a lot less in the day and has longer periods of awake which he spends kicking around with his arms and legs and baby-talking in his better moods. I still try to get him on a sleep-eat-wake routine although this is more dictated by Ju than me. He sleeps rather well, does not need help falling asleep as I refrain from carrying him too much or rocking him to sleep. Usually when we get his cue that he's tired, we put him down either on his spot on the sofa or in his cot and cover him with a blanket. The blanket trick is perfect as it signals to him that it's time to sleep. No problems at night either as he falls right back to sleep after his feed. I do not speak to him at all during his night feed and keep the lights as dim as possible to maintain him in a sleepy mode. He poos every day although the frequency is less than the first 2 to 3 weeks, averaging about 3-4 poops a day.

*****
Physical development

Ju has always been an active baby, using his arms and legs enthusiastically when he is awake. At week 4 he could hold his head upright for a second or two when being burped over the shoulder. We give him tummy-time too, although he responds much better on our tummies than on the floor. He can lift his head up for quite a few seconds in this position. His neck is still not strong enough to support his head all the time although this week his much stronger and loves being held upright over the shoulder. He swings his head around so much (to see this and that) we have to keep a hand on his neck all the time.

This week he started to put his fist to his mouth, he likes to lick his finger or thumb, sometimes both fists at the same time. He also started grasping at cloth, probably inadvertently. He has been pulling at his hair since birth. He is still not as sociable as his friend, Dion (below), aged 4 months, as he can't focus very well yet. Dion's vision and attention is much more developed and he can stare intently at Ju and smile at me when I speak to him.

Ju used to dislike being in the car when it was stationary, he would cry until I sped up to 60km/h. He would usually fall asleep pretty quickly after that. Now he is quite content to be strapped in and stays awake, looking out the window.

Our next PD appointment is on Wednesday, when Ju will get his vaccinations. Poor guy, we are giving him 2 jabs (the 6-in-1 and Pneumococal) and an oral vaccine (Rotavirus). His BCG (against tubercolosis) jab on his butt has swelled to a red welt the size of a 10 cent coin but it doesn't seem to bother him. He developed a very dry, flaky scalp few days ago which seems like cradle cap. It's gross as it looks like dandruff. I've been using some baby oil on it but it hasn't worked. We'll see what his doctor says.

At 8 weeks, Ju is over 6 kg and 58 cm long.

Project Baby: the multilingual update

2011-07-13T16:08:00.002+08:00

Juju & Dion

A while ago I wrote a post on how Daniel and I intend to raise Juju linguistically. From the diagram illustrating the various languages that will be used in Ju's various relationships, you would expect that remembering all that would be a gargantuan challenge in itself, as there are three languages in all. It has been 7 weeks now and I must say everything has gone as planned (as far as who should speak what) but for the weakest link -- me.

I knew speaking Mandarin, my second language, would be the biggest challenge of this project, but it wasn't until our baby arrived that I realised just how tough it really is. First, there is the "other speaker challenge". Basically, when you're the only one in the household who speaks the language, it means no one else in the vicinity understands you when you're speaking. We don't realise how most of the time, we speak to the baby but we're communicating at the same time with our partner or others who may be in the room. Oftentimes I speak to Ju in English not unconsciously, but deliberately because I am communicating to Daniel more than Ju. An obvious example is: "Daddy is such a moron, isn't he? He didn't wash his hands."

Second, Mandarin is not my mother tongue -- meaning it isn't my first or natural language. I am more fluent in English as my vocabulary is much wider and I can express myself perfectly whereas in Mandarin I often find myself at a loss for words (literally) as I hunt for the right word. Ironically I speak to Ju in "high" Mandarin rather than the colloquail (or "pasar" Mandarin) tongue that I use in daily life. Given that I use Mandarin only 10% at the most in daily living, speaking to Ju in Mandarin feels like speaking a foreign language. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I am so bad in the language, it just doesn't come naturally as I do not associate it with Ju the way I associate Mandarin with my father and some other family members with whom I have spoken Chinese all my life. I suffer the same paucity of vocabulary with them, but it feels a lot more natural than with Ju.

Third, it's weird speaking to a baby who can't understand nor answer me. The natural response on my part would be to limit speech to a few phrases, usually "What's the matter?", "Wait a minute, milk's coming", or "Ooh you made a big poo".

Throughout this exercise I've discovered certain things about language from observing myself with Ju: code-switching is normal and natural since I have done it all my life with my parents and relatives; this means Ju can do it too, as long as he associates Mandarin with me. Second, language is like a ball game. Imagine the language as a tennis ball. The ball goes nowhere unless there's another player on the other side returning it. We can't just speak monotonously at someone, it isn't a conversation and after a while, it gets really tiring. Third, because of the above point, if there is someone else around, the natural instinct is to revert to the mutually-used language. In our case, it is English since Daniel doesn't speak Mandarin and I don't speak German. It is also a matter of social inclusion as propriety dictates that in a social gathering, one would use the common language if there is even one person present who does not speak the majority group language.

Hence I am glad for my friend Loping, whose son Dion is also being raised bilingual in German and Chinese. Loping is Taiwanese and her English is not as fluent as her German. This means we speak Mandarin with each other, and I've found myself improving after a few hours together. Dion and Juju are almost 3 months apart, with Dion being the elder. They would also be able to bounce off each other when they are both ready to communicate with language. Yesterday, Loping and I were having an animated conversation and after a while I noticed that the two babies were looking intently at us. Ju was doing his karate kicks as usual but he was paying rapt attention at me as I spoke. Babies love listening to adults talk, Loping said.

No wonder. Ju is now vocalising. He makes the ah-goo and aiii sounds in between gorgeous smiles and gurgles. It's amazing how he's growing. He can now focus on me as move his eyes with my movements if I can catch his attention. He will be 8 weeks old this Friday and I can't wait for the rest of his life to follow.

Maid in Singapore: Policy Failure or National Bigotry?

2011-07-07T21:55:00.000+08:00

Source: The Online Citizen

The latest social issue that is gripping one segment of our society is whether to legislate the one day per week off for domestic workers. For a full story, the online citizen has the facts and debates. I would recommend reading the comments section for an appreciation of the kind of stupid dumbassery that some Singaporeans are known for.

The point of view I am offering concerns how we as a nation have arrived at this point in our development: the way nationalist pride in our economic growth and standards of living has grown in tandem with a snobbish sense of entitlement, an utter disregard for the rights of other human beings who "serve" us, and a complete ignorance of the way macro policies have manipulated us as a citizenry to behave in a manner that disgraces us amongst our global peers.

I am referring to a widespread opinion (no numbers since no institution has published any decent study of attitudes towards migrant domestic workers) that maids do not require a mandated day off because
(a) they would use the day off to engage in morally unacceptable activities such as sexual relations;
(b) they would get pregnant as a result of (a) and hence be deported, resulting in the loss of the employers' $5000 surety fee;
(c) they would become too "savvy" as a result of interaction with other maids and "cause trouble" for their employers;
(d) they do not want a day off anyway because they have no money to spend.

The above opinions are common excuses offered by Singaporean employers for denying their maids a day off. To give some context to the issue, we do not have any labour law that gives domestic workers any rights to a day off. It means that maids literally work 24 hours (the number of hours they sleep varies according to the decency of each employer) 7 days a week. It was recommended some years ago that employers give maids a day off, or compensate a day's wage in lieu of that. However, this has never been legislated and a majority of employers continue to work their servants 7 days a week. (There is the exception of Filipina maids, their contract mandates a weekly day off due to Filipino labour laws)

To address the horribly flawed arguments against this legislation which I've enumerated above, Singaporean employers typically take a suspicious and cynical view of granting such a right to their maids. An ex-boyfriend of mine objected to my argument that his mother should give their maid a day off, saying that I "did not understand how these people are". Essentially, "these people" would get really crafty and create trouble for their employer if given a chance to socialise with other maids, he claimed. He also told me that they had caught their maid with photos of herself naked with some guy stashed in her mobile phone. How they had gotten access to her mobile phone troubles me, but back then, I had to let the matter rest since it wasn't my domestic helper.

Singaporean employers are dismally uneducated when it comes to what's legally right and what's morally wrong. They do not forfeit their $5000 deposit if their maid gets pregnant and is deported, this fact may be little known to them, but I doubt making this public knowledge would change the anachronistic mindset that it is preferable for their maids to remain "naive" and stay out of trouble than to risk their becoming "clever" by socialising with other maids.

The implication being that socially closeted and marginalised maids make more compliant employees. Reminds you of the doctrine of a certain government in a certain era doesn't it?

The saddest part about this story isn't that Singaporeans indulge in irrational logic borne of arrogant stupidity. It is the fact that the maids suffer psychological stress as a result of overwork and social isolation. Some employers who had written to the Straitjacketed Times alleged that their maids were not overworked at all and even described how cushy their lives were in comparison to the horror stories of overworked and abused maids. After you close your mouth from the sheer idiocy of such a claim, you would wonder what objective yardstick this person had used to measure her maid's burden of work in order to arrive at this dodgy conclusion.

If anyone were to turn the lens onto themselves, as Singaporeans love to do when it's time to complain about their own troubles and burdens, they would do well to consider if they would like to forgo their days off on Saturdays and Sundays. After all, based on our national productivity rates, Singaporeans spend most of their work day on Facebook and at the smoking section anyway (apart from two hour lunches and double tea-breaks).

The truth is, it is no walk in the park to do domestic work. Ask any maid who has attempted suicide. I'm not saying that working in the home drives one to suicide, there are usually other serious conditions that tips the balance. I have been at home for 6 weeks nursing a baby and doing the chores. On days when I am completely alone with the baby, I feel like I am going batshit crazy by the time my husband returns. I wouldn't even compare myself with what a maid has to do, since I don't do any cleaning, I have the Internet, the TV and the freedom to leave the house even if I don't want to with an unpredictable infant.

A possible reason for the common disregard for maids' rights is that people do not consider domestic work REAL work. I am sure this isn't unique to Singapore, but we are certainly not unique in the way we have approached the issue of unpaid and lowly paid household work. A maid who cooks, cleans and cares for an elderly, disabled or infant member of the family is seen as merely doing the work that the female (usually the wife) in the family does. Because housewives (or homemakers, if you prefer the politically kosher term) are not paid and are not counted as part of the workforce, their work is not valued the way paid workers are. The truth is domestic work is still work, whether or not the value generated can be measured in real wages. What happens is, on a societal level, domestic work is utterly undervalued and maids are hardly thought of as active members of the economic workforce who deserve their day of rest.

*********

Let's look at what state policy has done to contribute to the national reliance on maids from Third World countries. First, our female labour participation rate isn't even among the highest in the world, the Scandinavians being top of the list and NOT being a mass importer of low-wage domestic labour. Yet a bonafide lack of childcare options awaits the mother who wishes to return to work once she is over maternity leave. Therein lies Problem B: we do not have a nation-wide access to affordable and quality child-care. And I would hazard a guess that our government with its worldclass GDP-growth forward-thinking strategies forgot to plan for the infrastructure that would support a large female workforce which doesn't compromise birth rates as well.

Second, there is no social safety net of any sort since the family as the first line of social support is the doctrine of the government. Welfare is minimal and applicants have to jump through numerous bureaucratic hoops to prove one is truly in need before being given a paltry state handout. This leaves the population in a persistent mental state of vulnerability, a state suffered by all except the upper classes. State-sponsored care for the elderly and disabled or sick among us is relegated to private or non-government organisations. There is basically very little help for Singaporeans who need to provide constant care to a family member and so they turn to maids who are often underaged, under-qualified and ill-equipped to deal with such specialised care.

Whenever I start complaining about doing two people's work (a nanny and a maid) Daniel often asks me, how do people in the West, with no access to cheap labour, do it then? I would say, when there's no choice, you don't get to complain much. Having said that, Western European governments provide lots of state support and their policies are oriented towards helping women have children and return to work. They are also a lot further along in dismantling the patriarchal structures of female discrimination when it comes to domestic work. For every argument against this citing Europe's high tax rates, I would caution you to consider the other price tag we pay for our supposedly "low" tax rates: no healthcare, no retirement funds (since all our CPF will b depleted by our property) no protection against unemployment, low wages.

I am not advocating doing away with maids altogether. But I am offering a possible reason for the dismal state we have fallen into: trapped by our needs and bullied by our state's policies. And yet it's still not an excuse to take a crappy attitude towards the people who come here to alleviate some of our burden. They do the hard work in the home so that we can go out and do work that pays us a pittance and keeps us in a vicious cycle of insecurity and need.

Project Baby Week 6: New Life, No Life

2011-07-01T13:54:00.001+08:00

I was planning to write a post about one of my favourite social issues since our Acting Minister for MCYS made another blah statement on the dismal rate of marriage here. He said that Singaporeans should "change their mindsets" towards marriage, I suppose he means the single people ought to cast aside their romanticised and/or unrealistic ideals about marriage, quoting his perspective of his own marriage as having been one of "committment".

But as I slump on my breastmilk-stained couch next to the Incredible Milker who has finally gone to sleep after a restless morning, I decided to discard that idea and talk about the reality of housewife-lihood instead.

I've been up since 7am and till now I have accomplished the following: 8am feed/burp/change, the laundry, 10am feed/burp/change, bottle-washing and sterilising, cooking lunch (and some facebook), 12pm feed/burp/change plus an unexpected pee emergency during the change. It is exactly 20 minutes to 2pm, the next feed/burp/change, and it is all I can do to resist guzzling down my beer-laced rootbeer.

As you can see, I am chained to the baby and my daily life is dictated by his tummy which seems to have an automated timer which triggers his familiar scowl and yells if I do not pay attention and get his bottle or boob ready on the mark. I live in fear of every second hour.

I welcome the days when either my Mum or my aunt comes by in the morning to relieve me for a few hours. Yesterday I scooted to the mall to run my errands. It's great having this adorable ball of baby that grows and changes day by day, but it's also great to get out for dinner or a drink with other childless people to remind myself that life can still be full of meaningful interaction and possibilities beyond the next diaper change.

It's a lot of getting used to, and I don't mean the routine I just described above. I need to find a strategy of engaging my mind in activity that is more meaningful than the trivial pursuits of Facebook, tv and blank daydreams.

But first I have to figure out how to get any time out of my current schedule to do that, because my 20 minutes are up and it's time for the next feed/burp/change.

Getting There Burp By Burp

2011-06-23T17:00:00.001+08:00

Like everything else in life, getting good at this baby business only takes one thing: a lot of practice.

And luck.

I would say luck has everything to do with whether you spend your days and nights tearing your hair out or not. Juju hardly cries very much unless he is (a) hungry, (b) very hungry or (c) pissed off about having his face cleaned which he hates. And as luck would have it, his appetite operates on a 2.5 to 3 hourly schedule so we are always primed with boobs and/or bottle ready before he has the chance to really bawl. The rest of the time he merely complains a bit, like when he needs to be burped or when he is trying to poop. Other than this, he either sleeps or fidgets until he demands to be picked up.

As I said -- it's a lot to do with luck for each baby and each parent's experience. Well, one month has passed and we survived!

**********

With more awake periods now that he's a month old, life with Juju is certainly more interesting. He likes looking everywhere even though I am sure he can't focus yet. If he's completely awake, he will have trouble getting himself to sleep. Luck plays a part here -- if he gets grumpy, a pacifier would be required to soothe him, otherwise he can lull himself to sleep most of the time.

We haven't started on the sleep training yet, despite the most well-meaning advice from others. Juju can sleep up to 4 hours after his last feed before midnight. But the last feed varies between 9.30 and midnight. This means someone will have to wake up between 1am and 5am to give him the bottle. Daniel usually takes the first shift and I take the second shift in the early morning since I need at least 5 hours' uninterrupted sleep. We're going to wait and see if Juju can stretch his shift to 6 or 7 hours before giving the training a go. At our last doctor's appointment, Juju was 5.5 kg and 58 cm.

That's heavier than a sack of rice. I'm wondering how heavy he would be before my back gives out.

***********

Now that the days and nights have fallen into a familiar rhythm, my mood has likewise stabilised. I get grumpy and edgy from time to time of course, when I spy Tobi - my brother-in-law - coming into the house reeking of smoke, or Daniel tidying up which inevitably means he's moved my stuff someplace. He does this less often now after I flew into an almighty rage the last few times he kept my stuff away and I couldn't find them. Going out with Juju is also giving me less stress as we learn how to pre-empt him before he gets totally upset. Besides, the carseat seems to have a magical effect on him: he falls asleep almost instantly after we strap him in.

As my baby and I learn to respond to each other (mostly me to his needs) I can feel myself enjoying his babyhood more rather than fretting and sweating over his every cry and whine. After all, I've got less than 12 weeks left to be with Juju 24/7.

We ought to be thankful for some things.

Fed, burped and farted.

Project Baby Week 4: I Need A Nanny!

2011-06-16T16:42:00.000+08:00

Mummy's big helper: Papa

I am dead serious.

I now understand fully why we Chinese take confinement nannies so seriously in the first month; why so many women get post-natal depression; why husbands cheat on their partners/wives once the baby bursts onto the scene; and why real women (celebrities in magazines don't count) look like shit during the first few months of motherhood.

Mothering is a full time job.

So? Well, if feeding, burping, cleaning, pacifying, bathing and investigative observations (of different kinds of cries and fussing) are a full time job, then where the bloody hell am I supposed to find the time to feed and clean MYSELF plus do the laundry, cooking and ironing? Oh, I haven't added sleeping, yes, the thing that can kill a human if said human is deprived of it.

The only reason I haven't gone around the bend and hired a nanny is because I have had a lot of help from day 1: Daniel, my Mum and my aunt who comes every week to mind Juju while I -- yes, believe this -- wash my hair and sleep for 2 hours. Today I seriously considered chopping off hair like all my friends have done before their babies were born. Who has 20 minutes to spare for hair washing and blow drying?

Daniel pooh-poohed the idea of a confinement nanny from the get-go because to him (coming from a culture where the women pretty much handle everything baby-related themselves) the need for a full-time helper simply to tend to the baby's needs is ludicrous. I agreed with him in fact, and did not hire one. Plus with Tobi staying with us, there is no room for someone else, also I did not like the idea of a stranger living with me and tending to my kid, the real reason for my decision. Daniel also tsk-tsked one of my friends who has 2 helpers and a nanny for her 2 kids who are under 2. I mean, okay, 3 servants for 2 babies while one does not work? I did not agree with the necessity, but trust me, by now, I fully understand how a person with the financial means would do it in order to regain control over her life.

With the same number of hours in a day to care for a completely helpless human being as I was previously entitled to before becoming a mother, I see no way of doing everything without collateral damage. And believe me, I would be a lot more damaged if not for my mother who comes with food daily, my aunt who minds the kid while I do the chores and shower and my husband who takes over non-boob responsibilities after 7pm. Do you even wonder why the privileged classes of every age and culture had scores of servants to raise their children?

I am not extolling the virtues of subcontracting childcare to third parties. I would never put Juju in child care if my family were not able to do it for me (this would mean I would never have a baby since I don't see myself quitting work) and I would never hire a domestic helper to care for him while I work. See, I still see no way out of this alarming quagmire that all women like me face: want baby, need job. Subcontracting childminding to my parents is not any more noble than hiring a nanny or using daycare. The truth is this is a full time job, sometimes, a two-person job as you can imagine from our experience, and it is laughably unfair that women have been saddled with two choices when it comes to raising a child: quit their jobs or pay someone else to raise their child.

Well, I want to do neither of that and if you ask me what's the solution, I can only see a total overhaul of our society and work processes or else we would remain dependent on either third world labour or second-rate childcare services, both of which are damaging to the psyche of any family.

Back to my situation at home: Juju is actually quite an easy challenge, given that he has escaped colic and jaundice thus far and only cries when he needs a burp or a meal. He operates more or less on 3 hourly cycles in the day and 4 hourly cycles at night. This is crucial if we parents are to have any chance of sleep, personal grooming and spare time to do blogposts or make phone calls. So I would say we are doing okay, as luck and plenty of family help would have it. But not everyone is as lucky as us.

Then again, there's always a nanny for hire.

Much Ado About Poo

2011-06-11T22:20:00.001+08:00

Fascinating how so much yucky gunk....

.... can be produced by such an angelic thing.

Project Baby Week 3: Inching Close to the Blues

2011-06-06T15:12:00.002+08:00

Ju's pacifier. My friend.

It's the third week of Juju's life on earth and my post-natal transition has moved dangerously close to the edge of ennui, fatigue and depression. The first ten days were unbelievably pleasant if only because Ju's feeding, pooping and sleeping schedule ran like clockwork: every 3 hours. We had time to eat and go online, receive guests and the sleep interruptions and loss weren't all that severe anyway since we were still on a new baby high.

Then came day 13 and everything started to unwind.

Ju's awake periods began to lengthen. He was alert and we would revel in his shortlived cuteness until he would inevitably start to whine. At first we thought he had wind or hadn't had enough to drink (this despite the boobs plus bottle) but we soon realised he had to sleep and needed the boobie for a comfort suck to lull himself to sleep.

It was draining. He would cry after we'd fed, burped, changed him. He wouldn't go to sleep for more than 5 minutes before howling again. His asleep periods would sometimes be nonexistent between feeds so that I had no time at all to do anything but respond to his every whim and whimper. This was especially trying at 5am in the morning after I had nursed him in a hunched position for almost an hour and stuffed another 50 ml of formula down him.

Last weekend I came dangerously close to the Edge. I was crabby and snapped at Daniel, I had no interest in pacifying Juju when he went on one of his whinging moods after he was "supposed" to go back to sleep. I just wanted to lie in bed and sleep for 20 hours. The worst part was, I still did not feel like I had "bonded" with my kid. In the exact words I said to Daniel: "I just see a cute baby when I look at him." I found myself getting teary and even crying every time I thought about Juju and how I could not muster the energy and will to pacify him, nor did I feel enthusiastic about having him. To my own horror, I admitted that the words I tended to associate with my baby were "duty, responsibility, chore" rather than "love, love, love".

I know he's mine, don't get me wrong. But knowing is like a theoretical concept, I did not feel the connection. I shed tears at the hospital, I smile every time I look at his cherubic face and go gaga (like everyone else) whenever he flashed his angelic -- albeit accidental -- smile. I've been conscientiously recording poos and pees, exact time of feeds, quantity of formula intakes and the like. I've been manually expressing my own breastmilk in all the different positions imaginable, even while nursing him, taking care of my boobs that they don't get clogged and end up engorged, worrying they would get engorged and worrying that the milk would never ever fully come in. I've been stressing over getting Juju to sleep before we take him out either for a meal or an excursion to the mall, receiving people who've been streaming to our apartment to have a look at him, making sure his daily baths (which used to be a total nightmare for all of us) went well now that Daniel has perfected the art of bathing Juju without the ritual turning into a torture session.

Maybe I've been focusing on everything else except the most important thing of all -- just being a Mummy.

A girlfriend assured me that this was normal, she also had a c-section and it took her a few weeks to completely accept her baby and feel the outpouring of love that Daniel confessed he had instantly felt at the hospital gazing at him through the glass window of the nursery. Ironically, because of the way Juju was born, Daniel got to witness a lot more of hus birth than I did, being drugged and semi-paralysed behind a cloth screen in the operating theatre.

Yesterday I gave in and let Daniel buy Juju a pacifier. Turned out to be a good call as it meant I didn't have to keep whipping out my boobs every time he wanted to sleep but couldn't. I've also been worrying myself sick over how I would cope when Daniel went back to office full-time (today and tomorrow I would be alone) and I would have to do everything including the chores by myself on sleep loss. Thankfully my mother came over in the morning to relieve me, letting me get 2 hours' shut-eye while Juju lay awake. She will babysit later while I go pick up Daniel from work, a routine from our forgotten "normal" childless days that I look forward to.

It's only been three weeks, you must be thinking. Yes, but it's been three weeks in the first chapter of the rest of our lives. I would describe it as more than just sleep loss, the lack of privacy and the fact that our lives are now dictated by a 4.5 kg poop-making machine. It is all that plus the stark reality that there's No Going Back. It's either go over the edge or go on down that endless, thankless road to parenthood.

I'm here to stay

Project Baby: 0 to 13 days

2011-06-02T15:08:00.003+08:00

Day 2

Day 4

Day 5

Day 8

Day 10

Day 11

Day 13

Being completely new to motherhood and its attendant sleep deprivation and irritabilities is made worse by the 35 degree heat and nipples that drip for no rhyme or reason. The sofa now houses a baby bassinet and doubles as my breast-feeding station in the day. It's the coolest room in the apartment with the ceiling fan perpetually on, giving us respite from the heat and humidity.

Night shifts are gruelling, but we've worked out a schedule and refining it as we go along since there are still some hiccups -- literally. Daniel takes the first two shifts (between 10pm and 2am) so I can sleep and I take the next one between 4 and 6 am. The only problem is I don't know how to burp Juju properly (or I don't have much energy left to do a 20 minute burp session after a 60 minute nursing) and he winds up cranky and refuses to sleep resulting in Daniel having to wake up to finish the job.

On other fronts, my wound is healing and I can now move about more or less nornally as long as I am on my painkillers. My mother brings me dinner and tonic soups daily and I drink only approved concoctions although once in a while I sneak in a cold beverage, an ice-cream or a half glass of wine. (We are not allowed to have anything cold in the first month while my stomach and intestines are still descending to their original position) I have dropped 10 kgs and my jelly belly is shrinking slowly but surely. I still have to wear the awful dark brown stripe down my belly (the pigmentation from pregnancy hormones) but the amazing thing is -- still no stretch marks!

We've been having a steady stream of visitors since Juju came home. He seems to relish the attention when he's awake and is the cutest little thing, letting people hold him without complaining. Once the guests leave, he reverts to Monster Julien and starts howling for his boobies, whining to be burped or punching me in the face if the milk flow is too slow. My flow is still not at full throttle even though there's a lot more than there used to be. These days I nurse him on one nipple and manually milk the other one into a bottle. I feel and look like a cow, seriously.

Daniel will go back to work soon. He will have 3 days off next week and 2 the week after. I dread the days that I will be alone doing this 2-person job by myself. I said I dread it -- not that I couldn't do it! Among all of my Singaporean friends, I am the only one I know of who has chosen to do this solo, i.e. without the help of a nanny or a domestic helper in the first month, a norm for Chinese mothers. My friends thought I was nuts and everyone advised, urged or warned me that I could really use the help.

It's day 13 and we are still coping -- albeit with less sleep than we are used to -- and add to that, we've managed to take Juju out to breakfast (prematurely abortive, but not a fiasco), to the mall (he slept right through) and for walks around the neighbourhood. All this at less than 2 weeks of age. I would say that is evidence enough that when you've got the will to do something it CAN be done.

Project Baby Week 40 +1: Julien's Debut

2011-05-28T17:08:00.157+08:00

As I plodded towards week 40 with Julien wriggling and hiccupping inside me, labour and delivery was nowhere in sight. In fact, after the false alarm in week 38 when I had serious contractions which landed me in hospital for a night, I was in heightened anticipatory mode as my doctor put me on medical leave for a week. Alas, the baby was not going to make an appearance before EDD -- 19th May.

So on Thursday, 19 May, Daniel and I got our paperwork and hospital bag ready and walked the 8 minutes (pregnant walking speed) from our home to the hospital to see Dr Chieng, hopefully, I thought, today would be THE day.

It turned out that Baby was still happily floating in his watery world with no signs of impending labour. The water level was decreasing, said the doc, so he offered us an inducement. I would have to check into hospital and wait for the pill to coax my stubborn cervix open.

11:30 am: Texting all relevant parties that I was hunkering down for labour.

So after I was admitted (they gave me my own double room because they were out of singles and I informed the front desk there was no way I was sharing a room with a potential snorer - happened last time and I got no sleep at all), I was strapped to this baby here which monitors the fetal heartbeat and my contractions.

Dr Chieng came at 1pm to stick the pill up my vagina -- not pretty -- but it didn't hurt half as much as the cervical check. The wait began.

7:00 pm: Watching CSI on AXN

At 7pm I felt a few twinges in my lower abdomen, the same kind as that of my false labour, the twinges on the right side were especially stronger. It felt like a series of very strong cramping. I watched TV as Daniel took photos. I was sure labour would not begin till much later in the night since everyone told me it takes an average of 1 day, even 2 after the pill was inserted.

9:00pm: In the labour ward and waiting for my Pethidine injection.

By 8:15, the contractions were up to 100 and I was wriggling around in my bed trying not to get upset. The midwife came to check my cervix (this would irritate even a saint, not that they would know what it feels like to have your pussy invaded by two groping fingers trying to reach God Almighty himself). Barely 1.5cm! By now the nurses were all keen to get me down to the labour ward where I could get "something for the pain". Apparantly labour pain management is something the hospital is keen to offer patients. After some moaning and groaning, I agreed to go to the labour ward but I wanted only the Pethidine. No epidural for me if I could help it.

2:00 am: Left - Baby's heartbeat; Right - contraction

I felt better after the pethidine jab and settled down to sleep. Daniel had made himself comfortable in his reclining chair next to my bed. All we could do then was wait. By 5am the contractions had subsided and I was no longer in much pain. It could be the pethidine, but I didn't want anyone checking me again unless it was absolutely necessary. Too late, the midwife from last time (the one who gave me the flu) checked me and I almost had the baby then and there, the stinging pain was awful, it was like she had the hands of a steel miner. I demanded a cup of ice for my vagina.

Daniel's bed for the night

By 6.30am I had the sinking feeling that this baby was not coming. I woke Daniel and we talked about our options. Did we want to try another inducement and wait another day (or longer), or go for the C-section? I had been adamant that I would not go C-section unless it was an emergency -- the cost would also be triple that of a normal birth -- and the thought of being sliced open gave me the creeps. Then again, I did not want to wait any longer or go through even worse pain (in addition to the actual labour itself) to deliver this baby.

At 8.30am, Dr Chieng came to give me my options. Thankfully, no cervical probe. One: he could break my ater bag but labour would be long and arduous -- no thanks, I said, after seeing the blunt instrument he would use which looked like a primitive wooden kebab skewer. Two: We could try another pill to induce labour, and this would be anything between a few hours and another day. I looked at Daniel and it seemed we had both come to the same conclusion: C-section.

"Okay then!" the doctor said cheerfully. "Let's schedule C-section for 2pm today." To Daniel's dismay, Dr Chieng added that he could be in the operating theatre too. "Oh okay!" he said with a nervous laugh.

And so that was that. In 6 hours, we would have a baby.

****************

9am: I had to fast until surgery, no food or water. As Daniel started to prepare his post-baby sms draft to our friends, I lay on my bed - still strapped to the beeping maching - and let the reality of our decision sink in. How did I feel? Dr Chieng had been concerned that I would regard C-section as a failure on my part to deliver naturally. I assured him I felt no such thing. My only trepidation was being under local anaesthesia while he cut me open. I had seen a live C-section on Discovery Channel some years ago and believe me, grossed out is an understatement of what it looked like. My consolation was Daniel would be there with me (not really much of a consolation since he seemed even more reluctant to be in there amidst the action) and I would have my baby out in 20 minutes.

12pm: The nurse came in to shave me -- ugh, why hadn't I just scheduled this operation and get waxed a day before?

12.15pm: From next door came the sounds of wailing -- somebody was giving birth without an epidural it seemed. We looked at each other and laughed. Would I have wanted that?

12.30pm: The wailing woman sounded like she was giving birth to an elephant. The midwife and doctor were shouting at her to push. I paced about nervously in my hospital gown.

1pm: I was given some medication for my stomach. Next door, I heard the cries of a baby. My gurney was already parked outside.

1.25pm: I hopped onto my gurney and they wheeled me into the operating theatre. Daniel had to go someplace else to change into his scrubs. I was parked in the "waiting area" so the nurse could take my information. I declined to watch TV -- who could watch TV right now? Next to me, another nurse in scrubs said cheerily, "Don't worry, I had 4 children, all by C-section!" I didn't feel better since I was just having the one baby.

1.40pm: I was in Operating Theatre 2 and several nurses (1 male) hoisted me onto the operating table. From my perspective, the place looked like a sanitised butcher shop with the bright round lights above me. The anaesthesiologist plugged the epidural into me like he was doing the laundry. "Roll up tighter, tighter! Your spine is too straight, curl up! It will hurt less." The male nurse helped squeeze me into a calamari shape and I held my breath as I felt something inserted into my spinal cord. All this while the anaesthesiologist was going on about somebody who had transferred to some other hospital. Focus on my damn spine and where you're putting that big-ass needle! "Okay, do you feel numb-numb in your legs? Should be numb-numb!" I still felt my legs damnit! The needle in my left shoulder was killing me but before I could complain I felt a wave of nausea. The doctor would give me a total of 3 jabs to contain the nausea throughout the surgery.

2pm: [Well, I think it might have been 2pm because Daniel said he only entered the OT at 2.15pm] I felt the pins and needles in my legs and soon I felt like I could fall asleep. It was a strange feeling: I could still feel the surface of my skin being touched but as if the stimulus was buffered by a great big spongey wall so I felt no sensation, only movement. My doctor came into the room and then I saw Daniel in scrubs and a mask. He sat on my right, but he had to duck below the curtain they had put up to shield me from the butchering so he wouldn't see too much gore.

2.20: I felt the first slice. It was u-n-r-e-a-l. No pain, just cut, cut, pull, pull. I was feeling really high and drowsy but was cognisant of the murmuring, the clinking of instruments, beeping and people moving next to me and behind me. Daniel held my right hand tightly and told me what was going on. I guess he decided to peep after all.

2.25: They must have gone quite deep by now because I was feeling more sensation closer to my buffer zone of numbness. I took deep breaths and squeezed Daniel's hand as I felt even more pulling and pushing. The doctor mumbled something and the anesthesiologist positioned himself behind me. What on earth..... Daniel sounded like he was 10 feet away when he said, "Babe, there's the head!"

2.30: The two men behind me bent over my curtain and started heaving my belly forward. "They're pushing him out!" Daniel sounded excited and grossed out at the same time. I squeezed my eyes shut. The amount of pulling and pushing going on disturbingly close to my bladder felt like they were overhauling a carburator rather than taking out a baby. I was getting anxious as I could hear Dr Chieng hmm-ing and huh-ing. From far away I could hear him say, "Okay push...." and the two guys behind me heaved on my tummy like there was no tomorrow.

2.33: "Okay, he's out!" Dr Chieng announced. He said something else but I could only hear, "...what a little giant!" and then the cries. I don't know why but tears ran down my face. I felt exhausted even though I had only been lying there, but mostly I felt relieved. Daniel gasped in my ear, "Babe, he's crying!" and indeed our boy was yelliing at the top of his little lungs. I imagine they were cutting his cord and cleaning him up, since Daniel later informed me that Baby looked like a pale shade of blue when he first popped out. In fact after the doctor got his head out, his shoulder got stuck and they had to do a rugby tackle on my belly too get the rest of him out.

Daniel gave me a kiss and told me he would go with Baby to get him weighed and tagged. No problem, I nodded weakly. I fell back into a swell of darkness with only the swishy, sucking sounds in the background as the vacuum and suction pumps started cleaning me out like a gutted fish.

Weight: 4284 kg/ 9 pounds 7 ounces; Length: 55 cm

Julien Schmidt
aka
Yun Wei Lun

Project Baby Week 40: No Bloody Show

2011-05-16T12:19:00.000+08:00

It's the 40th week. Everybody has been asking me if he's here yet. Bets were taken of labour day and bets were lost. There has been literally no bloody show -- my cervix remains stubbornly shut and there is no sign of Julien except his wayward foot poking regulary out of my right side and his daily hiccups.

"You're really a 6 star hotel," said Bernice after I replied to her that Ju is still playing hide and seek. Bern's baby girl came at 37 weeks after inducement and an emergency c-section. At week 38 I went into false labour when I was hit by a series of intense contractions that got increasingly more painful over the hour. Daniel and I plodded to the hospital 5 minutes away, and I was strapped and monitored. Contractions were 5-6 minutes apart but not strong (even though i was suffering extreme discomfort) but it all faded away after I was checked by the bloody midwife when she stuck her fingers up my cervix. Nobody told me that having your cervix checked would be the most tortuous ordeal short of gang rape! It was all for nought, as it was firmly closed -- no dilation. I was checked in overnight for observation. The next morning my doctor put me through another bout of medieval torture by giving me a membrane sweep. I was not pleased.

So the only thing that came out of that experience was a bout of flu for Daniel and me, from the midwife who had attended to me that night. She had been snivelling nonstop for the whole 2 hours I was in the labour ward. I would say "Sorry ah, I have a flu!" is untenable in -- of all places -- a bloody labour ward!!! I was royally pissed off 3 days later when we came down with a cold and sore throat. Julien obviously had no intention of coming out that night and getting infected by a midwife harbouring an infectious virus. I registered my protest with my doctor last Saturday.

I will be 40 weeks along come Thursday. Daniel thinks I've had a miraculously smooth pregnancy. Aside from the false alarm, Julien has been the perfect foetus: his head is where it should be, his weight is what it should be, he's floating in all the amniotic fluid he could wish for and my cervix is holding him in tighter than a chastity belt. Even the doctor is impressed and said I could do nothing else but wait it out. Apparantly, I am not even at my maximum capacity! He was amazed that my skin hasn't yielded to stretch marks yet. More on that later.

So now all I do is sit on my couch under my beloved ceiling fan and try not to sweat while the temperature outside soars to 35 degrees every day. For a week now my fingers have swelled to the size of small frankfurters and the joints feel arthritic. My hands are as large as Daniel's and my feet have gone up to size 41. The pain in my hip joints are so bad that it takes me 10 seconds just to get up from a sitting position to standing and last night I had heartburn for a while. Sleep eludes me more and more after each bout of bladder-voiding at 4am. My dad has forbidden me to drive alone, since his nephew was born in his car on the way to hospital some 40 years ago. I assured him that Julien is not going to fall out of me on the 2 minute drive to the hospital from my house.

I've never waiting longer for anything in my life, especially for an event that is as mysterious and unpredictable as labour. I'm mentally prepared to suffer the pain, my aversion to it is just barely outweighed by my aversion to sweating another week at 72 kg.

Ready when you are.

History Is Made

2011-05-08T03:09:00.002+08:00

The Workers' Party have taken Aljunied GRC from the PAP incumbents!

WP: 55%

PAP: 45%

They have also secured Hougang SMC despite new candidate Yaw Shin Leong taking over from LTK. He polled an even better result (+2%) than 2006.

WP: 65%

PAP: 35%

Joo Chiat almost went to the WP too, if not for the miserable 400 more votes that Charles Chong got. Interesting that 5000 voters did not show up to vote in Joo Chiat, all it took would have been 450 more swinging over to Yee Jenn Jong. A really close race, you wonder what's going on in Joo Chiat....

The last result of the night -- another historical event but a defeat this time -- Potong Pasir has fallen to the PAP after 27 years.

SPP: 49.64

PAP: 50.36%

From Yawning Bread

In the final tally, the Workers' Party took 6 seats and the other Opposition parties none. The PAP swept to Parliamentary majority once again, but with the shocking loss of 3 ministers (one a Foreign Minister) and a total vote share of ONLY 60.1%. This is down from 66.6% from 2006. What a referendum on the PAP!

The other point to note is the WP's decent showing of over 40% in East Coast, Joo Chiat and NSP's over 40% vote-share in Mountbatten as well as other districts in the East of Singapore. It appears that the East has seen a turning of the tide against the ruling party, with Aljunied and Hougang leading the pack.

I believe this has to do with the middle class voting bloc as well as the presence and strategies of well-organised Opposition teams that have offered coherent messages and worked the ground. This is indeed the best showing by the Opposition parties since Independence. There will be sleepless nights for many people in the days to come.

No matter what happens after 8 May 2011, history has been made, the people have indeed spoken and the future remains to be seen. Many will mourn the loss of Potong Pasir, but the next General Elections in 2016 would perhaps signify a bona fide march toward a true democracy. Perhaps.

T minus 6 hours: The Swing-Voting Middle Class

2011-05-07T19:03:00.001+08:00

It is almost 6pm Singapore time, and I reckon 6 hours away from the final count for Aljunied GRC, the battleground constituency which every citizen and every party - particularly PAP and WP - would be watching on tenterhooks with nailbiting intensity.

In my previous post I spoke briefly about the middle class, to which my parents (and probably I myself) belong. We have lived the past 15 years in Joo Chiat and I have voted twice there. This year I find myself in Marine Parade GRC and of course, dumped in a political voting-quagmire because of the controversy of the PAP's choice of new candidates running in the travesty called the Group Representation Constituency, or GRC.

Yawning Bread did a brilliant post on the swing-voters that the Opposition desperately needs to convince to join their side of the fence. Voters in quadrants B (they are highly fearful and highly frustrated) and C (they are not fearful and have few frustrations) would critically swing precious votes over to the Opposition. YB has a point in that the Opposition rhetoric tend towards the emotional tapping of the highly frustrated voters of sector D who would vote for them anyway. There is little point in talking to sector A voters as they are highly fearful (of vote secrecy being un-secret, PAP reprisal and bogeyman scenarios and change in general in the political landscape).

From Yawning Bread

*************
Quadrant D: The Middle Class

I can only speak of what I am familiar with, and I offer some thoughts on the middle to upper middle-class which fall largely under the group which have few grouses (in terms of bread-and-butter issues and municipal wants like estate upgrading and public transport-services). This group would be generally less susceptible to fear-mongering as they are as educated (if not more) as the ruling party and have access to information. Most importantly for this group, information and education makes them a more critical lot. I don't mean critical in terms of blind bias, I am referring to the ability to analyse information for its inherent logic, spot discrepancies and contradictions on issues. This ability is also inherent in voters from other classes and quadrants of course, but the Fear Factor or Frustration Factor might intervene in the equation and result in a different kind of decision making.

Some years ago, I had a conversation with an ex-colleague about Potong Pasir voters and why a majority had voted for Chiam See Tong, the opposition party MP a consistent 27 years running. What was it about Potong Pasir, was it the demography? Some kind of values the people have inherited or imbibed over the years? Chiam's charisma? We don't know, and nobody has really studied why Potong Pasir and later, Hougang, decided to throw their lot in with the other side despite all the sticks and carrots the ruling party has tried to hurl at them.

***********
You Can't Withhold From Me What I Don't Need

The PAP for the last couple of decades has used the same carrot-stick strategy of municipal upgrading (like lifts and sprucing up of housing estates and perhaps a metro station or line) to buy voters over. This has been coupled effectively with two other strategies: first, a long-running campaign to discredit and disempower members of the Opposition they considered real threats and second, a similar type campaign of fear-mongering. The latter usually comes in the guise of doomsday rhetoric should Parliament fall into the incompetent and dastardly hands of the other parties. Of course their cause has been helped by the fact that fear as a tactical strategy is especially effective in a population that is largely less educated, working class and has less access to information. This has been the case from 1965 to the 1990s.

Not any longer.

I would say the tide has changed in that (1) the Opposition parties, particularly the Workers' Party have regrouped and become much more organised, coherent and strategic. This is likely due to the influx of talented (I use this word liberally) and well-educated members, whom I believe hail from the burgeoning middle class of Quadrant D. Carrying from this point, (2) the enlarged middle class and the fact that not an insignificant part of this class is aged 35 and below means we are not as stupid as we used to look to the PAP and more important: we have less to lose.

The PAP strategy is derived from the premise of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Somewhere along the way, someone forgot to do a simple check on demographyy (rising middle class) and how this correlates to Maslow's hypothesis of their needs. Once your basic needs for shelter, food and a reasonably good standard of living (by this I refer to the consumerist society) are met, your next need would be for political and civic freedoms unless you are a complete idiot or perenially stuck at age 22.

People whose incomes exceed the national household median of $4000 generally take a sanguine view of the government's role in providing for them. They understand that their jobs are somewhat tied to the economy but do not feel a constant insecurity that they would be laid-off because they are either educated (in white-collar jbs or professionals) and/or possess high mobility in terms of their skills and experience. They probably understand more economics than most of the PAP MPs and so are not susceptible to Doomsday scenarios about a government running the reserves to the ground. In fact, they would ask the more pertinent question of where the reserves had been put to use and what had become of them.

People who live in private housing and the large majority of singles that lives with their parents (in either HDB or private housing) do not care about whether they are going to get wet walking to the MRT station. With the hours they put in at work, they probably do not care if a new fitness park is built in their neighbourhood. They have no need for new lifts (these stop on every floor in newer HDB blocks anyway) nor do they appreciate that their building is going to be splashed with a new coat of godawful colours.

They do care about the value of their properties -- which has very little to do with the MP elected in their constituency -- and they do care about their ability to afford a property (private or HDB) should they require one when the time comes. This has a lot to do with the HDB's control of demand, supply and policies on sales, especially on the resale market. Again, it has little to do with the MP but on the Cabinet Minister, so this should resonate with the middle class if played right.

************
What Do I Need?

Bedok Reservoir

The red arrow shows a soon-to-be completed private condominium estate on the banks of the surburban Bedok Reservoir. It smacks of middle class surburbia. Ironically it is also part of Aljunied GRC. The blue arrow points to the HDB flats next to the condos, ranging from four to five-room flats to maisonettes. What you do not see is that to the left of the picture is an entire belt of private condos stretching to the end of the reservoir and the edge of Tampines town.

Reason I pointed this out is because of a very entrenched mentality of "upgrading" or upward social mobility with yes, housing as the indicator of class mobility endemic in most aspiring Singaporeans. The government knows this, or perhaps they cultivated and exploited it to their advantage. If you lived in the HDB flats and you looked out your window every day, wouldn't you hope that one day you could buy a nice apartment in one of those condos as well? Nevermind that you still live in the same district and have the same public amenities (a metro line will run through the area come 2015) plus that gorgeous reservoir park. Upgrading means a step toward a "better life", so says the dominant ideology. The PAP has exploited this to effective use, as HDB prices skyrocketed and people pocketed handsome "profits" from the sale of their subsidsed flats, they plunged these profits into the private property market as their dream of living in private housing materialised.

But wait. These profits are now diminishing as prices of new HDB balloon and the private property market continues to overheat. The Dream is becoming out of reach and not just for upgraders, first time buyers are desperately seeing their ability to afford new flats vanishing. Their incomes have risen incrementally to exceed the $8000 qualifying ceiling for subsidised flats, a figure that was arrived at 20 years ago and has not changed. People are pissed off. And a lot of them are the middle class. The Opposition know this and have gone for the jugular. But the PAP seems to have woken up from a 20 year daze, stammering that housing is still "affordable".

The other carrot that the middle class has no need for is the dubious idea of "asset enhancement". This is of course the promise of appreciating home prices which has become something of a bitter taste in people's mouths. Asset enhancment is essentially paper profits that mean dick unless one sells one's flat. This idea only holds merit if the said owner has no need of a home after selling it. Given that HDB's original raison d'etre was to provide shelter for citizens, it's really illogical and irresponsible to sell people paper-profits unless the HDB intends for people to "downgrade" as opposed to upgrading. What do I do with my HDB flat which has appreciated $250K on paper? Take the $200K or so (after fees and mortgage interest) and put it down for a $700K private condo which is 60% the size of my previous home?

If the upgrading dream is what the PAP is selling, what about those who cannot even get on the bandwagon because they cannot qualify for the subsidised housing, nor can they afford the flats on the open market? This frustration I believe, has not hit breakpoint because it is tempered by rational choice. People who cannot afford to own their own homes have simply pushed back plans for marriage (typically tied to home ownership) and childbirth until they have attained an income level deemed sufficient for home ownership. This is a latent frustration, but if tapped properly, can swing the voter over.

I do not believe the foreigner issue would matter much to the middle class as they more or less benefit from the presence of MNCs and TNCs than not. The working class face the most difficulties from the wage depression caused by cheap foreign labour and low productivity. So what else can swing them over?

************
The Idea of A More Equitable Society

The WP has been selling such an idea. A First World Parliament connotes not only the vision of a robust democracy and true debate on national issues before they become policy, it suggests that such a scenario could bring about better policy-making that could improve lives. It is a bold statement, but it holds appeal for the middle class voter whose dormant political and civic self has the capability of appreciating.

Whether the ruling party knows it or not (I go for not, since the highbrowed and highminded elites rarely have a good grasp of reality) the middle class is not entirely self-centred and incapable of empathy. Volunteerism in many societies is highest among the middle class and so is civil activism and civic consciousness. The middle class is aware of the less fortunate classes and it is not farfetched to think that they would not appreciate a more equitable resource distribution. Only the most severe of rational choice believers buy into the low taxation idea.

I for one would pay higher taxes if my wages increased as well. This means productivity has to increase and we have not managed this in a while -- how's -14% for you sound? What's the use of 14% economic growth when wages stagnate and inflation climbs year on year? Oh, we have our paper profits on our homes, I forgot.

I would go for more equitable distribution so that everyone gets healthcare and an education that does not penalise the poor. This makes me feel like I live in a decent society and not guilty about all that I have and the time I do not have to volunteer at old age homes and the money I do not wish to donate to organisations that need to take a cut to manage the social problems that the government refuses to spend on.

I would go for lower GDP if it means higher productivity and better quality of life so that people would have more children and the reliance on foreign labour would ease up. I would pay more for goods and services if it means that Singaporeans are hired to do provide these and not some cheaper person from the third world.

I would buy these ideas, and I reckon my fellow Quadrant D voters would buy these ideas too. It is the only wise choice to make. We do not live in the Third World anymore, and neither do we live like the third world. It's time to appeal to the First World nature in all of us and may the party that manages to do this successfully in 2016 win.

Pregnancy Week 39: Polling Day

2011-05-07T11:39:00.002+08:00

Today is 7 May, Polling Day. At 8am I waddled to my assigned Polling Station to cast my ballot for the third time since I turned 21 years old. There were already neatly-formed queues. I asked one of the polling officers if I could go first, since I was packing 71 kilos and it was obvious I could pop any minute. She directed me to queue A2 (my assigned "sector") and said it was rather short compared with the others. I frowned but joined the queue. Polling hadn't commenced yet, and fidgeted a little, wondering how long this would take before my legs gave out. Daniel was in the car parked nearby the void deck.

The queues (three or four in all) were comprised mostly of middle aged and older folk. A small family arrived and stood behind me. Shortly after, some guy who looked like he had some say in the proceedings came along and directed the first three people in each queue to proceed to the voting area (with more queues and where you wait your turn to get a ballot paper). I counted the people in front of me, it would be another two rounds before my turn. So I raised my hand and approached the Tubby Guy who seemed in charge.

Me: Excuse me, could I please go first? I can't stand for too long (pointed at my stomache).

Tubby Guy: (looks confused and uncertain) Erm, why don't you go join that queue (points at my own queue).

Me: No, I am from A2 and it's the shortest queue but I'm going to give birth any minute, so.....

Tubby Guy: You have to ask the lady over there (I think he meant the helpers whom i already spoke to)....

At this point, the people in A3 were looking over and an uncle, you know the vocal kind with a lot to say about everything) said to me:

Vocal Uncle: Hey, you come and take my place lah. (to Tubby Guy) She is so pregnant!

The Tubby Guy who seemed completely incompetent did not know what to do.

Vocal Uncle: (to me) You better sit down lah. (to TG) Better give her a wheelchair or seat lah!

Then the lady at the head of my A2 queue said to me:

Nice lady: Why don't you take my place?

Me: (smiling) Thank you.

Tubby Guy: Are you sure?

Nice lady: Yes of course.

Me: (Stood in front of the queue) Thanks very much!

At this point, a woman hustled up to TG brandishing her ticket itinerary and said:

Woman: Can I go first? I am flying to America at 8.30am, this is my ticket.....

Uncle: Wah! How can you cut queue?

Woman: I need to go first, cos I have to fly at 8.30!

More uncles pipe up: She's pregnant so can go first, you how can? Come early and queue lah!

I don't know how Tubby Guy managed that situation (which was more dicey than mine really) as it was my turn to go into the ballot area. I chit-chatted briefly with the Nice Lady behind me, telling her I was 39 weeks along and she nodded sympathetically. "Your baby wants you to vote before giving birth!" At this point, there is another small commotion in the A3 queue next to us as Vocal Uncle has spied the woman (with the 8.30 flight to America) cutting ahead of him. He demanded from the polling officer why she could go first.

Hapless Polling Officer: That is the Express Queue sir.

Vocal Uncle: What, fly to America can cut queue? I have to go Chinatown later, can cut or not!! (and more disgruntlement) You people are just like the PAP! Anyhow do things one!

It was my turn and I didn't hear any more. It was hilarious. I ambled over to let them check my identity card. I got my ballot slip and moved to the spot where you vote. As I looked down at my ballot slip, I hesitated. Then I saw TPL's name and all doubt vanished from my mind. I marked my cross and folded up the slip, dropping it into the brown box labelled A2* before leaving.

Later, I texted my sister, apparantly, she had gone to vote too. She is going to Bintan today and had decided at first not to vote. But she had changed her ferry to a later one and had gone with my parents to vote in their ward, Joo Chiat. I was heartened, looks like my repeated entreating for her to do it because "every vote counts" had worked.

This is going to be the mother of all elections not only because a record 2.2 million are eligible to cast a ballot today. Its significance is different for everyone, depending on which group they belong to, socially and economically and because of the different values and interests that different groups and individuals espouse. I can tell you for my parents who live in middle-class Joo Chiat, being pensioned retirees and not wont of any neighbourhood amenity or trivial hokey like "lift upgrading", there is nothing much in terms of carrots that the PAP can offer them, not any threat of withholding anything if they were to vote WP. So ironically enough, it boiled down to whether the PAP candidate would "come knocking on our door to ask for our support". Too bad for Charles Chong, he not only forgot to pay my parents (hitherto ardent Chan Soo Sen** supporters) a visit, my mother spied him doing housecalls at the four HDB blocks nearby and totally missing her building which was 150 metres away. Charles Chong should have thought hard about traditionally pro-PAP people like my parents, who have voted PAP the last 30 years but who have had a daughter giving them a more realistic view of the Other Side, sending them links to online news sites and reminding them that the vote is secret for the past 5 years. There is a grassroots alright, but it is the private youth grassroots that foments right in the living rooms of the critical swing-voting middle class that the PAP have not considered in their current political strategy (which doesn't exist).

For me, my son is going to be born a Singaporean and will serve National Service in 18 years. I have a responsibility to make a choice according to my convictions, and I am convinced that our country needs to go in a direction that will give my kid a better future, and a future worth sacrificing 2 years of his life for.

For me, the choice is clear.

*Different districts are grouped into sectors that are reflected on the ballot paper - such as A1, A2 and so on. When you cast your ballot it goes into the respective ballot box as well. This is a rather partisan way of coordinating the balloting, since all ballots can go into unlabelled boxes once people have voted. This method allows the PAP to do a guesstimate of how certain sectors had voted after counting is concluded, and this has a large part to do, I am sure, with why certain sectors are eventually carved out of their original constituencies and lumped into another one. For instance, this time, a whole sector of Hougang SMC (guesstimated to have voted largely WP in 2006) was carved out to form Ang Mo Kio GRC, a PAP stronghold.

** Chan Soo Sen was the former MP of Joo Chiat SMC. He had served several terms and had been re-elected by popular mandate each time. He was put out to pasture this year and replaced by the smug-faced but relatively unknown- to-Joo Chiat ,Charles Chong.

Pregnancy Week 38: Missing the Rallies

2011-04-30T21:43:00.000+08:00

I waited 5 years to be part of the hype and excitment of election campaign rallies, and what happens? I am 37 weeks pregnant and ready to pop this baby out any time. I could not hoist myself off the couch, much less lumber to the Workers' Party rallies which I have been dying to attend for months.

And so it shall be, that I will have to just sit it out on my couch checking in on The Online Citizen for my updates and Facebook to exchange views with other interested members of our voting community. It has not been any less riveting or pulsating, for the online buzz seems to have multiplied a hundred-fold since the heady (but still censored) days of 2006.

That's my friend Channi holding up the WP placard which I painstakingly made a few hours before the scene you see here in the picture. Over on the left, you would see my arm waving the "WP ROCKS" -- my tribute to LKY's dismissive opinion of the Opposition parties (that they were riff raff and "all that jazz").

There is something about youth that other age groups lack: a kind of invigorating verve, a wicked disregard or a streak of passion. The PAPies and the conservative stuffed shirts would say youth have too much time on their hands and so are given to such manic pastimes, it's immaturity at worst, rebellion at best.

On the contrary, youth have always (if history is correct) been the force of change, the harbinger of revolution. Today's youth are even savvier, more intelligent and thanks to the PAP government's policy ideology, more wired into the information age than ever before. Information is no longer sacred to any party and the SPREAD and reach of information has reached such wildfire frequency and proportions that unless you do a complete crackdown like the PRC or Egypt during their recent revolution, you cannot control anything that goes public.
This election will be electrifying not only because of the scandalous twists and foot-in-the-mouth turns. This election will be one with the highest stakes because the state-of-play is no longer under the control of the PAP which is still resorting to their outdated strategy of Dumbspeakisms and scare-tactics. Two factors are scaring them enough to shit bricks, in my opinion.

One: the Opposition parties have risen to the occasion and changed the gameplay. They are not only more organised and have fielded more capable, credible and charismatic candidates (pardon the alliteration), they have coordinated themselves to minimize 3-corner fights and above all, to mount a serious attack on the GRCs, which have been the PAP's weapon of defeating them. In sum, the opponents have become more strategic and the PAP has to now respond either with a cleverer strategy (which I don't yet see) or resort to some mudslinging (which we have seen already) and scare-mongering (also not new). Interestingly, retaliation and rebuttals have been swift and effective (see Wijeysingha v. Balakrishnan episode and WP v George Yeo's Aljunied remarks).

Two: There is a whole new generation of voters who have just come-of-age. These are the twenty-somethings who are plugged in and have no trouble getting information from sources other than the television and Straits Times. That should say enough. Add to the fact that this battle is now being waged very much in cyberspace, the Opposition parties have now given over 2 million voters the chance to exercise a choice this time -- a choice that has always been denied them the past 30 years. The fact that the electorate that will cast their vote this time is going to be the MAJORITY of the populace is in itself a watershed. That means no matter the outcome, the voteshare that the PAP will win (or lose) is going to be a national referendum on the people's confidence in them. Anything below 60% is going to be a national and global embarrassment.

I am on tenterhooks, I certainly am. There is so much at stake, and so many gameplays already in motion. People are stoked up, issues are being discussed for the first time out in the open and all kinds of propaganda and Dumbspeak is flying around. Once in 5 years, Singapore comes alive (and I don't mean in the F1 or National Day Parade way) but this time, I am confident, we will be making real political progress. We will either send the PAP back to Parliament with all 87 seats or we will lose a few ministers and shake up the decades-long strangehold they have had on absolute power.

Either outcome, the country will not wake up on 8 May feeling the same again.

"The Poor" are the new black

2011-04-18T14:17:00.005+08:00

Source: Straits Times online

You can't imagine how tiresome it has been to read and hear the new candidates from the Papies repeat tirelessly their "interest in helping the poor". It's been even more annoying having to read and hear the older stalwarts of the party extol each candidate's virtues, of which one is inevitably that he/she has a "humble background".

"Humble" and "poor" are the new black, people. It's the new name-tag that you find pinned to every statement the new candidates are making.

It is as if wearing these tags makes them somehow more appealing, more acceptable as representatives of the sizeable majority of the populace. The implied logic is two-fold: first, that these candidates are a testament to a successful meritocracy (their social and income mobility vis-a-vis their parents' is evidence of a system - education by and large - that works and should not be changed); second, that they are can appropriately understand the needs and "connect" with the general population they seek to represent.

I don't know about you, but I personally find these logix dubious.

First, how do the Papies define "the poor"? It's as if "the poor" is some inconvenient-but-large infestation problem that needs to be tended to every 4 or 5 years. You don't hear about "the poor" on a normal day when the stock market is being obsessed over, housing policies are being meticuloulsy disassembled and reassembled, and economic growth figures are screaming out of every headline and news segment. "The poor" has no face, they are some random figures that complain about inflation and cost of living and housing yet when the opposition party candidate gives a face to this "poor", he is accused of using anecdotal evidence and tugging on emotional heartstrings.

I don't know any "poor" person who isn't emotional about his or her poverty. Take the guy who gate-crashed a private birthday party 2 weeks ago and threw all the catered food on the floor because he couldn't stand that there was all this food lying there when all he had had that day was "a bowl of instant noodles." No, being poor is not something academic, or a theoretical concept of incomes to pooh-pooh minimum wage. It's being hungry, having kids who you know cannot afford optimal nutrition or even the extra tutoring needed to pass the crazy Mathematics syllabus that their more well-off peers in the more well-off schools can.

Second, how do the Papies define "humble background"? When over 80% of the population resides in HDB (public) housing, it's a no-brainer to describe your candidates as having "grown up in a HDB flat". Hell, I grew up in a HDB flat but I wouldn't call myself having known poverty or having come from a humble background. Well, you say, their parents had relatively "humble" jobs and were not university graduates, goodness, some of them even had to WORK at their parents' "humble" businesses - one was a seamstress and another ran a food stall. So having started out like most Singaporeans at the average (or below average, I don't know, because this was never spelt out) income strata, these candidates can relate to the current strata of working class Singaporeans despite the fact that they are a clear tiny minority that got scholarships to ivy-league universities and then proceeded to enter the upper-middle class right after graduation.

I am puzzled. I make about the median income, my non-graduate parents lived in HDB until I was 15 and I now can afford to live in private housing and drive a Toyota. But I would NEVER claim to have had a "humble background" (since 90% of my parents' generation had similar backgrounds) and I would NEVER claim to know what it is like to be "poor". Truth is, I have NEVER been poor.

I define being "poor" as not having access to basic medical care, nutrition, education and most importantly, the ENVIRONMENT in which to get a quality education (one which the Papies constantly boast of) and opportunities so that I can replicate my parents' success. So I do not know poverty, I have never known poverty and I cannot claim to know who "the poor" are and the plight they face every day.

I do know that there are people who get basic medical care, food, a roof over their heads, education but lack the very environmental conditions to get a job to afford to purchase public housing, much less do better than their parents. These are the youth whose parents are mired in a poverty trap; they are the people above 40 and 60 who have either been laid-off or suffer wage stagnation because they have poorer education qualifications; they are the people who live on less than $1500 a month and have to stretch that to pay for food and utilities and a mortgage (or rent) to support a household of 5, 6 or more.

No, I don't know what poverty means even though I hear about them, read about them, and I sometimes deal with them in the course of my work. And if these Papie candidates grew up basically the same way that I did (with our "humble HDB-dweller-parents-who-didn't-make-a-lot-background"), what on earth qualifies them to be the best people to understand, serve and fight for "the poor"?

Knocking on doors and writing letters for "the poor" during Meet-The-People Sessions?
Oh, if the above were true, then PM Lee must retract his statement that there isn't enough "talent" to fill Singapore's leadership ranks, because many, many people can and have done just that.

Committment to volunteer work or your job (as in Puthucheary who defended his medical practice as a form of national service) is not committment to the welfare of "the poor". Start talking about "the poor" as real people, and start spelling out what you think is causing them to be "poor" and "poorer" and start saying what you believe can be done to alleviate the conditions of "the poor".

Confessions of an unconvinced voter

2011-04-12T21:43:00.000+08:00

Something has been bothering me now that election season is upon the Land of Dumbspeak once again, and it is not the baby squirming uncannily every time I stuff myself with durian. Like anyone who has been keeping up with the blogosphere, local media and online political chatter, I have been gossiping and trading opinions with my coworkers and friends about the goings-on on the political front now that the polls are around the corner. However, it bothers me that politics has been conflated with governance -- or in the dumspeakism of the PAP, "good and strong government". Democracy, a concept not well-understood in our part of the world because, frankly, we don't talk about it much, has also been bandied about by pundits, opposers of the PAP and commentators with I think very little real comprehension by most of the populace.

Has the PAP really got a good grasp of the diversity of the populace? After all, the PM just said on live TV on the programme "Question Time With the PM" that the "PAP is not seeking to represent all sectors of soceiety" -- he claimed that that is what the NCMPs are in Parliament for.

Wow, that was totally underwhelming an answer for a leader whose justification for total parliamentary dominance by his party is the premise that this party alone could more than adequately "do a good job". That was the other riposte to the question of whether it was fair to penalise voters in Hougang and Potong Pasir who had sent two non-PAP MPs to parliament. The PM countered that if voters did not vote the PAP MPs if they "have been doing a good job" and instead vote the opposition party in, then "what's the point of doing a good job at all?" My retort: how would you measure and assess how "good" a job the guy is doing? Shouldn't that assessment be made by the voter who goes to the polls?
As I listened to the questions posed and the answers given, I found myself frowning at the same tired Dumbspeak premised on very faulty logic -- such as the apology for the difficulty in discovering and enticing "talented" and "capable" people from the private sector to join politics: people are reluctant to risk "failing" at politics if they are successful in their careers. My retort: this argument assumes that it is in most people's nature (I don't know about non Singaporeans) to be risk-averse and second, that politics is being compared to another career choice rather than a form of service to the nation, a higher calling if you like. Laughable, if you recall that the senior PAP stalwarts repeating incessantly that "commitment" to service is one of the golden criteria necessary for their newest slate of talented candidates.

My second retort: maybe the PAP finds may indeed be risk-averse, perhaps the promise of a high salary (I would say $15,000 for an MP is high, wouldn't you?) and prospect of a nice pension is a justifiable mitigator of such risks, but even if you accept this premise, how would you explain the fact that many members of Opposition parties have joined and remained in politics in spite of the LACK of success they have met with? They cannot be in it for the money (some are bankrupt) and they couldn't possibly all be crazy. Could it be that there are actually people who do this not because they want to "succeed" in the banal sense of economic gain but because they actually have a PASSION for leading and a committment -- yes, the very quality the PAP purports lies within their newest batch of untested interns -- to service? I could be wrong.

Now, I ask a question of myself and of my fellow Singaporeans. Do we know the difference between politics, the democratic process and governance? Political debate has been confined during many rounds of elections to a defence of policies centering on bread-and-butter issues like cost of living, transportation and housing. This is not to say they aren't relevant, but these are issues of governance. The incumbents would defend their work as "good governance" by defending these policies against the opposing parties' criticisms while the democratic process has been until now largely untouched. This time people are asking questions about the process, questioning if there is enough "space" for real debate in Parliament, criticising what they call "group think". I am heartened by this, it's a lot more than what we've seen in the last two elections, both of which I had had the privilege to vote in.

I believe that understanding the different segments of society -- the aged, the middle class, the young professionals, the working class, the youth, the business sector -- and how they judge good governance would tell you a lot about how people will vote this time around, now that many more voters will get the rare opportunity to go to the polls and exercise that "democratic" right and that a larger proportion of the electorate would actually be discerning and intelligent (read: they won't vote out of fear or ignorance, a feature of those born before 1965). It would mean the difference between those who will cast a vote in protest (anyone but the incumbent party), or according to their self-interest (which party promises to represent and promote my interests), or on principle (who would do the best job of governing).

I myself am curious as to how I am going to vote this time around, why, because I care. I care about the state of my country, its citizens (particularly the lower strata since they are more vulnerable to bad governance and policies) and the people who are installed in power to run the country. I care about these things on any normal day, just ask my friends who have had to listen to me defend our death penalty, welfare policies against those in their Western, "liberal" home countries.

I work for the government, so I can say I serve the people and I am not necessarily pro- or against the PAP. I believe in understanding an issue as well as possible before vilifying any policy and if I think something does not stand up to critical scrutiny, I call it like it is, a spade is a spade. I am also not someone with a chip on my shoulder, in fact I have said in earlier posts how satisfied I am with my life, so I do not speak from a position of relative deprivation or resentment against the establishment. I have a job I can't complain much about, a husband who's a decent catch and under 35 (sorry, couldn't resist that jab at you-know-who), a baby on the way and no major psychological problems afflicting me.

I am however, waiting to be convinced that the incumbents are the best bet for good governance and fair play. The reason is because good governance is hard to come by, and equitable distribution as well as social justice is how I assess good governance. I would ask myself if it is fair that the population has to pay such a high price (read: salary) for so-called "good governance". I would elaborate on this more in another post. But for the other factor, that of fair play in the democratic process, I have yet to experience a Parliament that is not ridiculously skewed towards dominance of one party. I remain unconvinced that this is the best model simply because the status quo is the "best" we can get. One cannot validly dismiss the abilities of the other parties to deliver should they get a shot at governance, this would be crystal-ball gazing, and very arrogant gazing to boot. So the arguments have thus far been underwhelmingly trite and completely unconvincing.

As Jack Neo put it succinctly, I Not Stupid. You've got to do better.

Project Baby Week 35: Pain Pain Pain

2011-04-12T12:16:00.000+08:00

On Sunday I felt a squeezing contraction in my lower pelvis. It felt like a ring of pain and gave me a lower back ache which was really strange because I had just had my 1 hour pre-natal massage. The squeezing continued after our ramen lunch and I winced all the way home and through the next half hour or so. I timed the intervals and it was an irregular 13 minutes apart.

Then just as suddenly as it began, the pain vanished.

I was bemused. Baby had been making quite a few movements during this time, and I wondered if he was okay in there. The pain was not unlike severe period cramps and I felt the baby making some dropping movements. It is hard to describe but it was clear to me that something was going on. The next day, I inspected my belly and to my amazement it looked like the baby had gone down a few centimetres. I hollered at Daniel to have a look, and he also agreed that the belly had dropped a little lower. On top of that, I now had a constant ache in my pelvis, the part between my hip bones which I am still experiencing. It feels like I am wearing underwear 3 sizes too small for me with the elastic cutting into my skin. Walking is a literal pain.

With a little research, I realized that the pelvic pain is likely from the baby dropping lower into my pelvis. This could explain the contractions I had on Sunday, which was probably the uterus squeezing him downward. It's amazing. I am now living with a constant low-grade pain but it's rather worth it to know that Baby's on his way.

Sylvia Lim's Parliament Speech on Ministers' Salaries in 2007

2011-04-07T11:52:00.001+08:00

Bravo.

There were some very good arguments in her speech, she also rebutted some of the senior Papies' justifications of their high salaries. I will post a summary later.

Project Baby Week 34 & 1 Day: It's a Partnership

2011-04-06T14:27:00.000+08:00

Meet Dion Krause, firstborn son of our friends, Andreas and Loping. He was born in early March and is a perfect image of cuteness and poop. Daniel got to practise on him directly after prenatal class and found it much more satisfying than holding and burping a doll.

Here are the proud parents, deftly giving Dion a diaper change in 5 minutes, in the middle of a carpark in Little India to boot. It was our first time out to dinner with a 1-month old baby, and it was quite an eye-opener. Our friends are typically European (or Western, whichever way you like to call it): they see no problem in taking a tiny newborn out to the mall or to public places. Whereas for me (call me Asian or kiasi, or crazy) the thought of a mall teeming with germ-infested people fills me with horror, not to mention a baby shrieking in a restaurant. It's not just the hassle of having to take turns to eat or having Daniel cut my food up while I juggle the baby, I am patently aware of the social code governing acceptable behaviour in restaurants which does not include a couple with a yelling baby. Luckily Dion only yelled for 5 to 10 minutes before a pacifier and Loping's reassuring rocking soothed him. She, of course, had to eat her lamb shank with one hand, but thank goodness for the tenderly-cooked lamb and a helpful Andreas.

Then it was off to the pub at the nearby arts college. There was a band playing and it must have been as noisy as any pub could've been, but Dion slept like, well, a baby after he had his feed. We were impressed. Women certainly were made for multi-tasking.

This is me barely stuffed into my old bikini.

As for me, I surely hope that I will be as adept at multitasking and keeping my cool as our friends. Two pairs of hands (and heads) are better than one, and raising babies as a partnership really has its merits, especially when you are bleeding like a stuck pig the first two weeks and being milked like a cow 24/7. Even though Daniel and I cannot get along in the kitchen or agree on the chores, or even how we're going to deal with some aspects of raising this baby, I think we will be fine. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Project Baby Week 34: The Labour Prep

2011-04-03T08:26:00.000+08:00

We are into our 34th week of pregnancy and boy, are things moving along. I am as big as a house, and moving from point A to B feels like a major event that includes grunting, groaning and very slow steps. Baby's head has moved lower towards my cervix and it's definitely past the placenta, as the Doc showed us on the screen. The good news is this makes it easier to have a natural birth. Bad news is it's irritating my bladder so I have to walk gingerly so as not to have an accidental leak.

We've been attending prenatal classes religiously. Daniel even cancelled his football game with ze Germans today, of course, only after getting a heavy lecture from me about his priorities. On a scale of 1 to 10 on squeamishness vs. machismo, I would rate him 1.5. The look of appallation on his face during last week's birth video was priceless. He looked like he was going to pass out right there. I have to forget about him cutting the cord after all. He is still thinking of how to get out of being in the delivery room, but the only way out is if I need an emergency C-section, and I am having none of that.

I've done some research, reading online and talking to my friends who have been through this ordeal. The one thing I can be certain about labour - when it eventually comes - is that no two women will experience it the same way. I'll have to be prepared for a plethora of scenarios, from dilation issues to amniotic fluid issues (if the baby defecates inside before I've dilated enough for him to be delivered, I'll need a c-section). But I am convinced that there are some things I CAN do to help myself have a smooth labour.

Most people I've spoken to who have had uncomplicated natural births did some kind of physical exercise during pregnancy, this included my Mum who got me out in 2 hours without pain relief. So I've started swimming in our pool and I found it really helps with my aches and pains. Plus it's really nice to be able to be on my stomach after over 2 months of sleeping on my side. I'm mentally prepared for all the things that could "go wrong" - you might say knowing too much just adds to the stress and fear. On the contrary, the more I know about the process and what could happen, the calmer I feel about going through it. The prenatal class on the labour process was really a big help in that they give you information about everything from the drugs you could have for pain management to what happens during a C-section (gory video included).

It also helps when you have a partner who's willing to be there with you all the way. I am sure I would be a complete basket case if I had to do this alone. Daniel will take 2 weeks off work to be with me and Julien when he is born and then stay home 3 days a week after that till Julien is a month old. Now all we need is a good contingency plan for if I go into labour in the office!

The Great Multilingual Experiment

2011-03-15T13:43:00.004+08:00

It does look ambitious, but it's been done before and there are many, many parents around the world doing it with their kids, even though they may be in the minority. This strategy is adapted from the OPOL (One Parent One Language) Method, where obviously one parent speaks one language exclusively with the child.

I would call Singapore one of the most unsuccessfully bilingual countries in the world. Why unsuccessful? Well, our bilingual education system has managed to churn out students who are adequately competent in English and grudgingly passable in a second language - Mandarin in the case of ethnic Chinese. To hear young Singaporeans speak English can be painful on the ears and in Mandarin, excruciating.

We have one of the highest literacy rates in the world, consistently come in first-place in annual global Math and Science high-school tests and are one of the few developed nations in the world that mandates bilingual education from kindergarten through to senior high school. We probably also have one of th highest rates of resistance towards Chinese-language learning in the world. In fact, Singaporean kids so loathe the mandatory tests they have to pass in Chinese and parents railed with such vitriolic against the uncommonly "harsh" and "stringent" criteria of Chinese competency in school that the authorities have had no choice but to modify (aka: dumb down) the Chinese syllabus for school kids not once but several times in the past 20 years. With each passing year, more people (usually parents of stressed-out only-English-speaking kids) cry for more breaks, from de-emphasising exams to doing away with the Chinese A-Level criteria for University admission - which, I believe has happened.

Let me say that such Singaporeans completely miss the forest for trees. They do not appreciate their great fortune for living in a place where bilingual education is the norm and where their children get a quality English and Chinese education in a social environment that supports bilingualism. Elsewhere in the world, in America, the UK and Europe, parents struggle on their own accord to give their kids a proper second language that the state education system does not. In Germany, primary school kids get a piecemeal few hours a week in English as it is taught as a foreign language. In the US and Australia, more and more schools are responding to demands for Chinese language education and parents pay big bucks to enrol their kids in charter (private, state-subsidised) schools that teach almost exclusively in Mandarin.

And here in Singapore, people complain bitterly about having to put their kids through supplementary Chinese classes, tuition classes just so they can pass their exams. I foresee the whining waning in the next couple of years, as the reality of a rising China has begun to hit the younger generation of parents like a dousing of cold water. In today's world, literacy in Chinese is a basic fundamental to get your foot in the door to any institution or business that wants in on the Chinese economy. It's not even an advantage anymore and it is rather a cultural understanding of China and Chinese history and society that might give you that edge over the thousands of white Westerners who speak the language.

Singaporeans just don't get it.

Back to our Great Experiment with Julien. Daniel and I are on the same page when it comes to language learning - if he has the benefit of coming from a family that speaks 3 languages, then we are fools not to give him those 3 languages. However, our experience with the respective education systems of our home countries has taught us some valuable truths about language acquisition:

1) Language fluency can only be attained if the language is spoken in the home environment by a primary caregiver;

2) Language fluency requires a supportive social environment: reading, mass media and oral communication

3) Language fluency is long-term capital-intensive investment - there are no short cuts and absorption by the child is usually tacit and indirect.

Being trilingual is not going to happen overnight for Julien. It requires from us a completely dedicated regimen and devotion to the OPOL method, bearing in mind he will have limited social resources for German and that I will have to make an uncomfortable 180-degree mental shift to using my second language - Mandarin - with him. But it can be done, and by sheer force of will or not, it WILL be done!

Project Baby Week 31: Getting Things Done

2011-03-15T13:05:00.000+08:00

Kinderzimmer Phase 1

We are getting into the thick of Baby Preparations.

All major items have been purchased or ordered: baby cot, stroller, car-seat, breast pump, curtains for the kinderzimmer, portable changing table, electronic devices. We read Dr Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham as well as a book of Chinese animal nursery rhymes every night to the baby - well, almost. Daniel is not very enthusiastic about Green Eggs And Ham, but it's the only English book we have, so he is rather bored with reading it over and over.

We are officially into the third trimester and I could not be more uncomfortable at this stage! I have ballooned to 66.7kg. The downside of having hippo proportions are the frequent backaches (I can't walk for longer than 10 minutes) and squeezing in between two cars. Nowadays I wake up every night between 2 and 4am because my bladder needs voiding. Baby is 1.5 kg now and kicking more profusely than ever. Again, no picture of his face during our checkup last Saturday. He is now head-down, facing inwards.

We visited our friends last weekend, they just had their German-Chinese boy a week prior and had a lot of interesting things to tell us. The baby was small and quiet with huge feet! He's going to be Julien's friend, we hope. His Mum had to have an energency C-section after 12 hours of labour as she couldn't dilate far enough. I sure hope I can avoid this fate, if it means walking every day from now on for 20 minutes, I will do it. So far, I haven't found any conclusive evidence linking proper cervical dilation with any one factor. I already know of a few women who couldn't dilate and had to get the C-section. My mother had fast labours with me and my sister, no dilation problems and she recommended I walk a lot prior to labour. We will just have to see if this works out.

Daniel and I are getting a little closer to the Big Day. Sometimes, it can be quite a wonder to imagine the new addition actually here with us, in our house. After all, it's only been the two of us for the last 3 years. On the one hand, we're looking forward to this new chapter of our lives; at the same time, we will have to bid farewell to the life of Just The Two Of Us. I wonder how we would feel about that, but I reckon we won't have much time to ponder for the next half a year!

To Vote Or Not To Vote

2011-02-28T12:08:00.001+08:00

Source: Straits Times

I have a pretty good feeling that I won't be voting this time.

See the blue line? That is where I live now. In the last two General Elections I lived in Joo Chiat SMC (Single-Member Constituency where only 1 MP represents that district and stands election) where my parents live, and I got to vote. I was pretty lucky since I got to vote the first time after I turned 21 and again in the year 2006. There are people in their 60s who have never voted in their lives.

Marine Parade GRC (Group-representation constituency where a group of 5 MPs represent that district and stand election) has always been the stronghold of ruling party, PAP and its incumbent, Senior Minister (and former PM) Goh Chok Tong who enjoys an almost celebrity status after Lee Kuan Yew. I found myself diddling about whether to change my address after I moved to my new place, knowing full well it would mean I would no longer be a consituent of Joo Chiat. This, even though I live a couple streets away from my parents who remain Joo Chiat constituents.

You see, as a young voter under age 35, I have gone through one or two subtle life-stage changes since turning 21. As a 21 year old, I was just about to graduate from university, no debt, no responsibilities apart from keeping my nose clean. My parents were of the myth-believing ilk, that if I voted for any party other than PAP, I would not find a job, particularly in the public sector. So I voted PAP. I felt like I had betrayed my conscience, as my choice had been influenced by my parents' fear. At 21, I was not the most politically-engaged citizen anyway: 10 years ago, social media was largely unheard of and political blogging was still in its infancy. Five years later, I had another chance to vote and this time things were completely different. There was now a vibrant - and oftentimes virulent - online environment for political bloggers, pundits and casual watchers to partake in the debate. I was also older, more informed and much more active in trading opinions on local politics. I was a student again - a postgraduate - and of course, this meant I had a lot of time on my hands to spend online and in the cafeteria discussing what I and my fellow comrades deemed as the sorry state of Singapore politics. I attended almost all the opposition rallies and of course voted according to my "principles" this time, thinking myself more savvy and determining that the vote was really secret. Really.

This year I will be 32 and unlike the last two elections, I will be a very different voter. I belong to Generation X, I have responsibilities to my family (read: debt) and I have spent some years in the workforce. I am no longer a student nor an academic ensconced in an ivory tower, in fact I spent the last few years acquainting myself with the actual process of governance and policy-making. You can say my political vision isn't 20/20, but it's a lot clearer than 5 or 10 years ago. My views are much broader now and issues like immigration or freedom of this and that are not as starkly black-and-white as before when all I had was a monochromatic lens through which I viewed them. You could say I do not now expound a single ideology though my views on any one issue have veered more towards the right - not because I have become "conservative", but because having had certain life experiences and having worked within the public sector, I see the issues as a lot more complex than a person who has only a theoretical understanding of it.

So it's a pity that I won't likely be voting this time, I would have liked the chance to make a choice based on what I believe in for a change, rather than what I fear, or simply voting opposition for the sake of opposing the PAP.