How To Be Happy Update

Not long ago, I posted a thesis on how I believe we should approach the search for happiness, or equilibrium in our lives. I did consciously put it into practice and I daresay the results have been highly satisfactory.

First, I made the effort to give myself as much intellectual stimulation as possible each day, even if it was not to be found through my work, I got it from other sources, like books. I finished Tom Plate's "Conversations With Lee Kuan Yew" which was really a precursor to the just-published "Hard Truths", another book of interviews with LKY written by a bunch of Straits Times journalists led by chief editor, Han Fook Kwang, who very likely ripped the idea off of Tom Plate. But this is not a book review, I will get to that another time. The point is my mind was highly engaged and I had very interesting thoughts and ideas as a result of reading, this made me extremely satisfied and I did not feel restless, bored or dwell on useless things like the past and the future.

Second, I continued to work on my relationships.  The one I am most satisfied with is that between my father and me, perhaps it is because of the baby or perhaps he realised I am seriously making an effort to normalize things between us. Whatever the reason doesn't matter, only that he has made something of a choice to relent and speak to me.  In life, there is not much else available to us humans except choice -- as constrained as we may think of our choices, we still have them, and it is but only the lack of courage or insight that keeps us from exercising the very choices that would change our lives for the better.

Third, the "flow" is coming in spurts and starts, mostly when I am reading and when I am busy at work, or when I am cooking (this is one of the enjoyable things I have begun to do more of) and yes -- when I am ironing Daniel's shirts! Today I found myself looking almost disappointedly at the rack as I realised I had finished ALL the shirts. I have become something of a pro when it comes to ironing his shirts, they are not completely perfect, but I do them quite efficiently and in half the time I used to take 2 years ago before we had the part-time help.  Indeed, I get some strange kind of flow in ironing, it is almost therapeutic!

The overall assessment hence, is it has worked for me. I have not felt unhappy, angry or depressed in as far back in my short-term memory as I can remember. Even driving has become less stressful -- I only swear once or twice a day and I seldom honk the horn. What I feel regularly is a sort of placid calm, marred sometimes by irritations but they pass quickly. My mind seems to be achieving more focus and clarity, I approach tasks with less reluctance and more focused neutrality.  I have achieved what I set out to achieve 4 years ago when my entire life had been upended in a black hole of chaos: equilibrium.

The next challenge is our project: little Julien is becoming more and more of a human entity and less of a surreal idea. As I feel his tiny but increasingly self-assured kicks against my uterus, I cannot help but marvel at the whole journey we've taken.  The jitters about the impending responsibility to a hapless child has passed. Daniel and I have both achieved what we set out for ourselves in our 20s, and we have been happy simply being together the past 3 years; this baby isn't an attempt to bail a sinking ship or plug any dissatisfaction we have with each other, it's something like the icing on our cake and it gives me a feeling that is beyond happy.... it all just seems right. As in, I did the right thing, and it feels right, and this is worth more than all the money, fame, status and gold in the world.