Project Baby Week 4: I Need A Nanny!

Mummy's big helper: Papa

I am dead serious.

I now understand fully why we Chinese take confinement nannies so seriously in the first month; why so many women get post-natal depression; why husbands cheat on their partners/wives once the baby bursts onto the scene; and why real women (celebrities in magazines don't count) look like shit during the first few months of motherhood.

Mothering is a full time job.

So? Well, if feeding, burping, cleaning, pacifying, bathing and investigative observations (of different kinds of cries and fussing) are a full time job, then where the bloody hell am I supposed to find the time to feed and clean MYSELF plus do the laundry, cooking and ironing? Oh, I haven't added sleeping, yes, the thing that can kill a human if said human is deprived of it.

The only reason I haven't gone around the bend and hired a nanny is because I have had a lot of help from day 1: Daniel, my Mum and my aunt who comes every week to mind Juju while I -- yes, believe this -- wash my hair and sleep for 2 hours. Today I seriously considered chopping off hair like all my friends have done before their babies were born. Who has 20 minutes to spare for hair washing and blow drying?

Daniel pooh-poohed the idea of a confinement nanny from the get-go because to him (coming from a culture where the women pretty much handle everything baby-related themselves) the need for a full-time helper simply to tend to the baby's needs is ludicrous. I agreed with him in fact, and did not hire one. Plus with Tobi staying with us, there is no room for someone else, also I did not like the idea of a stranger living with me and tending to my kid, the real reason for my decision. Daniel also tsk-tsked one of my friends who has 2 helpers and a nanny for her 2 kids who are under 2. I mean, okay, 3 servants for 2 babies while one does not work? I did not agree with the necessity, but trust me, by now, I fully understand how a person with the financial means would do it in order to regain control over her life.

With the same number of hours in a day to care for a completely helpless human being as I was previously entitled to before becoming a mother, I see no way of doing everything without collateral damage. And believe me, I would be a lot more damaged if not for my mother who comes with food daily, my aunt who minds the kid while I do the chores and shower and my husband who takes over non-boob responsibilities after 7pm.  Do you even wonder why the privileged classes of every age and culture had scores of servants to raise their children?

I am not extolling the virtues of subcontracting childcare to third parties. I would never put Juju in child care if my family were not able to do it for me (this would mean I would never have a baby since I don't see myself quitting work) and I would never hire a domestic helper to care for him while I work. See, I still see no way out of this alarming quagmire that all women like me face: want baby, need job. Subcontracting childminding to my parents is not any more noble than hiring a nanny or using daycare. The truth is this is a full time job, sometimes, a two-person job as you can imagine from our experience, and it is laughably unfair that women have been saddled with two choices when it comes to raising a child: quit their jobs or pay someone else to raise their child.

Well, I want to do neither of that and if you ask me what's the solution, I can only see a total overhaul of our society and work processes or else we would remain dependent on either third world labour or second-rate childcare services, both of which are damaging to the psyche of any family. 

Back to my situation at home: Juju is actually quite an easy challenge, given that he has escaped colic and jaundice thus far and only cries when he needs a burp or a meal. He operates more or less on 3 hourly cycles in the day and 4 hourly cycles at night. This is crucial if we parents are to have any chance of sleep, personal grooming and spare time to do blogposts or make phone calls. So I would say we are doing okay, as luck and plenty of family help would have it. But not everyone is as lucky as us.

Then again, there's always a nanny for hire.