Project Baby: 14th Month Update

Juju is 14 months old and continues to intrigue, amaze and enthrall us with his antics. This month I will talk more about the management of behaviour since Ju appeared to have developed overnight a proclivity to do exactly the opposite of what we wanted. I refrain from using the word "discipline" because at this stage of his growth, he isn't capable of autonomous self-control. Toddlers this age also don't understand logic or the concept of rules. Ju is still ahead of the usual milestones in gross motor and psychosocial development. His verbal development is slower although cognitively he's as sharp as a needle.

Cognition and Language

According to Piaget's theory of how children acquire schemas, Ju should be actively assimilating new information into his existing schemas of the things around him. Although it's hard to determine this since Ju doesn't yet talk, I've noticed that he has some mental models of the world around him. For example, he understands that the word "mao" or "katze" or "cat" refers to an actual living animal, usually found lurking under the cars in the carpark. This is because when I say "let's go find the cat", Ju would squat down on his haunches and peer below the cars, presumably searching for the elusive cat. He has seen this cat, make no mistake, so the only mystery now is whether his schema of "cat" includes other cats aside from the resident one at his Grandma's apartment building. He is also familiar with the words "dog" and "gou gou" and "Hund", although he recognises that they apply to his stuffed dog (which accompanies him to sleep) and the real dogs he meets in the neighbourhood (that wag their tails and run about). How that schema would work is beyond me, since it's not likely he's worked out a schema for "toy dog" i.e. a representation of a dog. Same with the representations of dog and cat in his books. He points to certain things in his books, like the bird or grapes and I make it a point to label whatever he points at so that he can work on those schemas.

Ju also started shaking his head in response to questions and suggestions, and boy, he does it vehemently! We don't know when he began to understand that head shaking represented rejection, but it's no surprise that he picked it up before nodding, since he's been hearing and seeing "NO" since birth. It was totally adorable when he first started shaking his head when we offered him food but now it's getting quite frustrating because he shakes at pretty much everything he doesn't like, food, water, and recently, to go for a diaper change. Just like pointing, head shaking is an evolving language skill and it's quite effective for Ju himself as he takes a lot of glee in telling us "no". He is responding more consistently to verbal requests like "say Bye Bye" and "Kiss Kiss". The cutest one is when we ask him to "Ai Ai whomever" (Ai = to love or show affection) and he reaches out his hand to touch your face. He also repeats actions that get him a laugh from his audience. He continues to play peek-a-boo and derives pleasure from it. He continues to babble, but no new vowels in his repertoire. Instead, he's taken to making more razzing sounds and doing comical things with his mouth. Yesterday, he found his tongue with his fingers and tried to pull it out.

He is ahead on these things typical of 18 month olds: he points to pictures in books; he can point to more than one body part when asked (mouth, hair, nose and sometimes ear in at least 2 languages). He also seems to be engaging in an early form of pretend play. Pretend play is important to a child's overall intellectual, social and emotional development (I will blog more about this later when I'm feeling violently opposed to videos and iPads). We successfully taught Ju to clink cups and say "Gan Bei!" or "Prost" (Cheers), he not only does this when asked, he also pretends to drink from the cup. We noticed that he also pretends to drink from other jugs and containers he plays with without being asked to Gan Bei. This little game is also a useful little distraction when he wants to mess around with whatever we're drinking.

Psychosocial

His psychosocial development is typical of 15 to 18 month olds: he can play by himself or alongside other children but he doesn't play with them. He does not respond to sharp scoldings or discipline (like a smack on his wrist) or cajoling. He is in fact expressing oppositional behaviour by doing exactly what I stopped him from doing, like messing around with my stone Buddha on the balcony or climbing onto the coffee table. After a few weeks of this behaviour (I would tell him NO! sharply or smack his leg and push his leg back down on the floor, he would look at me gleefully and do it again) I decided that it was counterproductive to use scolding or smacking. In fact, after I slapped his hand for playing with the laundry poles, the next time he did it, he turned to me and smacked his own hand before I could do anything. It was as if he knew this was what he would get for playing with the poles and he didn't mind at all. So at this point, I hadn't researched defiance or oppositional behaviour. I sat down and thought about Ju's reaction. He obviously didn't mind being smacked or slapped and he took a lot of satisfaction in doing it again and again despite the smacking and scolding. I concluded that it could be the attention we were giving him that he liked so much, so I told Daniel to just put correct the behaviour the next time but not make a big deal out of it. He might lose interest if we didn't give him attention. And voila! The next time he did it, I pushed him off the table without breaking my conversation with Daniel and paid him no heed. Ju just walked away in search of some other toy.

Groovy! It happened once or twice more that evening, but it became evident that Ju lost interest quicker when we simply corrected his behaviour without fuss. I found out later that  the rule of thumb is that you pay as little attention as possible to behaviors you want to eliminate. Why? Because any attention—positive or negative—is rewarding. If you don’t react, he is more likely to give the behavior up. This is why it’s most effective to stay calm and matter of fact when you set limits. The more emotional you get, the more rewarding it is to her. It’s also important to recognize that your child will not be able to think ahead to stop unacceptable behaviors on her own at this age. That doesn’t mean you don’t set limits, you just need to have realistic expectations. And guess what? It also convinced me that corporal punishment just doesn't work, no matter how much we adults would like to think it does. I told myself that day that I would give up smacking Ju. This is a good website for ways to cope with defiance.

In other developments, Ju is interested in strangers but wary of being picked up by them. He's not particularly shy or afraid. He is perfectly fine with new people entering the house, and he willingly plays the Gan Bei game with my friends or gives them his toy if I ask him to, so no territorial issues here. He is able to follow a request to bring his diaper to the dustbin in the kitchen. Sometimes he would toss it in, depending on whether there are more interesting contents in the bin.

Fine Motor

Ju continues to spy the tiniest objects, often specks of grit on the floor or very small objects like stones or grime. He would sometimes point and grunt excitedly "unh! unh" or pick it up between his thumb and forefinger. He can beat spoons and ladles against his bowl and plate, as well as scoop up little objects from a pail clumsily. He likes to scoop things up and transfer them to another pail or cup, and we use this game during feeding time (see Feeding) to distract/engage him. He is not so adept at turning the pages of his favourite story books yet, instead he ends up shutting the book. His intention is unmistakeable though, as he clearly favours his pop-up book. He impatiently tries to get to the last page where the caterpillars transform into 10 pretty pop-up butterflies, one of which has already been ripped out and mangled up. He has begun to attempt to inhibit his own drooling. He can also push and pull open a door if it's ajar and gets upset if it is shut and he can't open it. 

He is ahead on these things typical of 18 month olds:  he indicates he's peed or pooed sometimes by tugging on his diaper;

Gross Motor

He walks very stably now but sometimes he trips or runs into furniture because he doesn't pay attention to obstacles to avoid them yet. He can stoop and squat and pull himself up without any assistance. He has been trying to clamber up a slide and enjoys sliding down. He climbs up and down the sofa and lately, chairs, which is a bit more risky. He also tries this with the coffee table, which I talked about above. He also walks up steps (with assistance) but prefers to go up simultaneously like adults and not one by one. He imitates us doing housework which is hilarious. For example, he would wipe the floor vigorously with a piece of cloth after seeing the part-time maid do it, and he used a friend's stick-like object to imitate sweeping. 

He is ahead on these things typical of 18 month olds: pushing and pulling large objects (he can push a stool or dining chair from one end of the room to the other); he can pick up heavy objects like foot stools and even the laundry basket and drag it out of the room. He can carry a teddy bear while walking and can seat himself on a small chair or stool.

I will deal with feeding and sleeping issues in a separate post as there are some experiments in progress on this.